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Note to North Carolina elected officials and its tourism industry – this question is for you as well. Hit me up with your best case explaining why my birthday should be celebrated here on Facebook or pam at firedoglake dot com and I’ll be happy to share your perspective with readers.
It’s a relevant question that I’d like to hear your thoughts on because many thoughtful people here in North Carolina, who pay taxes to a state government that put the anti-gay measure on the ballot that passed this May, are wondering how they should spend their discretionary dollars and what they should tell equality-minded friends and relatives to do.
My wife Kate clued me in that some family members planned to do something nice for my 50th birthday next year (July 8). Their first thought was to rent a beach house on the Outer Banks of NC (@theouterbanks, on Facebook), a place I’ve had the pleasure of staying back in the day when the wild ponies were still allowed to stroll the streets of Corolla. She told me because she wanted to toss the idea around with me to consider what has transpired here politically and whether I had strong feelings one way or another about it.
I Tweeted about this the other night and posted the question on Facebook.
The matter is more politically and emotionally complicated than it seems. North Carolina is my birth state; I moved and lived in NYC for many years and chose to come back to live here in 1989 for the quality of life and infinitely better cost of living. We happen to live in a progressive area of the state, so being out hasn’t been an issue (though not having our Canadian marriage here recognized is). It is also a state with zero statewide anti-discrimination measures on the books, but it has many private companies and institutions that offer that and same-sex spousal equivalent benefits. So yes, it’s complicated. Look at this map of the Amendment One results (the interactive one is at WRAL). I highlighted the counties highly dependent for revenue from vacation tourism that voted against A1:
Dare County (at the beach): 51% against, 49% for.
The mountains:
Buncombe County (Asheville): 51% against, 49% for.
Wautauga County (Boone): 51% against, 49% for.
So the only county on the beach that voted against A1 is Dare County and it barely did at that. That’s not a lot of confidence about a hospitable environment for a celebration with out gay folks and allies. It’s not just a matter of supporting the tourism industry here — the issue extends to the local community. Why spend gay/ally dollars in a place where Kate and I cannot be out in the local community, enjoy local restaurants, etc. and be treated like anyone else. Would Dare County residents be aghast at the sight of us holding hands? Can major NC tourist destinations (outside of Asheville) claim LGBTs are treated as equals in those destinations?
One Facebook friend, Jon Winkleman, tried to frame consideration based on the potential positives of the Democratic National Convention being held in Charlotte.
“To that end I personally believe the answer is not for openly gay people and straight allies to isolate NC and give them less one on one exposure to LGBT people and their friends. As the DNC nor requires every state including NC to set LGBT diversity goals to not only reflect the size of NC’s LGBT community but the ethnic and cultural diversity within NC’s LGBT community, we may squander more good than bad by moving. Every Democratic political leader I’m NC will be seated at the convention with their LGBT neighbors. For many it will be the first time they are interacting with openly LGBT COLLEAGUES rather than special interests lobbying them from outside. It is a real insider geeky strategy but it actually works effectively at shifting how local political leaders view LGBT people.”
My reply:
[M]y birthday celebration isn’t the DNC, and there are many factors in any personal decisions about how one spends their money. A potential marriage equality plank in the Dem platform does nothing to advance marriage equality or employment non-discrimination in North Carolina, and nothing about that will change by my birthday on July 8 of next year. So again, does my family spend its money here? For instance, many of my friends are in NYC, my brother lives in Delaware. Both have much more to offer in terms of equality under the law. So does DC.
But back to the question and whether I’ve received any responses from NC institutions about it – I haven’t heard from any of the above parties in the NC tourism industry as of yet from that Tweet (the state’s official travel and tourism department or the Outer Banks folks). I did get a reply from a prominent business on the Outer Banks, Jean Maynard of Village Realty OBX (@VillageRealty), who gave me permission to post her email.
Hi Pam, this is Jeannie at Village Realty on the Outer Banks of NC. You had posted a question about coming in for your 50th (really? You don’t look 50 at all..) birthday next year. I assure you that your family would be welcome and I did post a reply. We are very welcoming to all people…and there are many gay people who live and work here year ’round. I will be very happy to answer any questions or concerns you have and I do understand your concerns… Thank you for your interest and I hope I can convince you that Dare Country is a good place to vacation. And we did NOT like it that that amendment passed–one of the few counties that did not vote w the rest of the state.
…One of my sisters is gay…and a minister (I call her a Lesbitarian! with love) and I have many gay friends, my daughters brother in law is gay and married, my husband is a musician and we have lots of friends who happen to be gay. Frankly, I don’t what 2 people (or more) do as long as they don’t mess with kids and all are consenting adults. There are a lot more things to worry about in this world than who loves who. Love is love. Feel free to use my words…and I hope I get the opportunity to meet with you one day. Our island is so beautiful and laid back…I brought my daughters up here and they love it too.
It is a magical place…
Have a most wonderful day
That’s one compelling argument – not to hurt local businesses run by people who are supportive. But does doing so bring equality to NC any faster? Is it more important to be out and proud in the state than withholding discretionary income in a boycott? Maybe, maybe not. In a realistic view, nothing about anti-gay discrimination will occur in NC legislatively; our lawmakers are for the most part cowardly. Even a good number of the Republicans are agnostic on these matters and are simply swayed by their bible-beating bigoted constituents to hold on to their seats. They are content to wait for the federal government and the Supreme Court to eventually take the decisions out of their hands.
So — if I don’t hold my 50th birthday fete in NC, where do you think I should? Other considerations are below the fold.
Some politically hospitable choices that immediately come to mind: New York, DC, Maine, Delaware, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont. Big downsides for these Blue states — the cost of planning a vacation there can be prohibitively expensive, and I don’t want to send my family to the poorhouse on my account. By that standard, NC provides much more bang for the buck.
And to throw another wrench in the works, how about whether the place is keen on interracial couples or TEH BLACK for that matter. You sadly still can’t take that for granted in 2012.
What do you think? I hope that people chime in with their thoughts about what they would do, given we also have 30 states with anti-gay “marriage” amendments. If you’re going to boycott one state, then one should be consistent and boycott ALL.
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Other matters to consider from my perspective that have nothing to do with politics when considering a locale:
- Ease of travel access: With my rheumatoid arthritis, air travel is literally a pain, and I’m not good for driving long distances any more, so taking planes with multiple connections takes a toll. From the perspective of guests, expense of travel to and from the venue should be easy too. (Note: the Outer Banks is a real haul by car from RDU, a big demerit).
- Expense: As I mentioned above, I don’t want my loved ones going broke on my account trying to foot the bill for a beach or spa vacation for my 50th. All the most LGBT-friendly states are not surprisingly much more expensive.
- The local environment: public transportation is good if I’m not going to end up at the beach (where that’s usually not available). Or easy ability to find fun restaurants to sample local specialties — btw, I had a great time in Maine in 2010, thanks to my friend Joe Sudbay, who celebrated his 50th there with family and friends.
- I want to relax: In the end I’ll just be happy to make it to 50 (cross fingers) considering my broken body. I have no need to party hard, and don’t want to spend a lot of time walking around on painful feet all the time, so an adventure trip is out. Some spa pampering would be most excellent. Beach would be nice, but not essential. I haven’t had a real vacation that wasn’t about blogging or a perfunctory family trip that is way too short to see all the people I would like to see (that’s just about every NYC trip!).
9 Comments
Speaking of conundrum
Anyway I would have it in NC. After all, if NC was so horrible you would have left presumably. As it is now your tax dollars are supporting NC anyway because you are a resident of that state.
Sure you should, Pam. I’m sure that you will only stay with facilities which treat your family with the respect you deserve, and that’s what counts.
Personally, I strongly discourage the use of broad geographic jurisdiction boycotts. They’re rarely effective in changing policy, and even when they’re broad-based, they primarily hurt individuals for decisions which are beyond their control.
Moreover, they’re capricious in their application. As your post notes, a majority (barely) of Dare County voters disapproved Amendment 1. So Dare County should be rewarded, yes? But, perhaps you should then only stay in a town/precinct whose voters said “no” to the amendment. And be careful to not buy gas in between Durham (or Wake, at least) and that destination. Or you could head west instead. We’d be happy to see you visit Forsyth County. But we’re disqualified because a majority in Forsyth voted “yes”…but a majority within the city limits of Winston-Salem voted “no”–and our council voted for a resolution of opposition. However, not all members of the council voted for the resolution. Should the West Ward, whose council member voted no to the resolution, be excluded territory? Even though he said that he planned personally to vote “no” on the amendment, but just objected to the resolution on procedural grounds? And he did vote, not too long ago, for the sexual orientation non-discrimination policy for city employees. A quandry.
If the entire state of NC is to be excluded, then as you note, 29 other states should be disqualified as well. This would include California, including the popular travel destination of San Francisco, which is of course almost synonymous with LGBTQ-friendly politics.
Jurisdictional boycotts also tend to be confusingly cumulative over time and multiple issues of social justice. SC is already under a never-lifted NAACP boycott originally imposed over the location of a Confederate flag, since removed from the SC Capitol building itself but still present at a memorial elsewhere on the Capitol grounds. Some groups are now boycotting Arizona over its notorious “papers please” anti-immigrant law–even though its largest city, Phoenix, declared its opposition to that law.
There’s an almost unlimited number of similar potential complications and contradictions in the application of the territorial boycott, especially when applied to an entity as large and diverse as a state.
My point is that such a boycott is a blunt instrument poorly suited to the pursuit of social justice. It comes uncomfortably close to the concept of “collective responsibility” for unlawful action, which is rightly condemned under international law.
I realize that your question is directed toward your family’s individual economic decision, rather than a group boycott. However, I’d apply the same general suggestion: Let’s direct carrots and sticks toward individuals and institutions for their own decisions, rather than toward all occupants of a geographic jurisdiction for the decisions of that jurisdiction’s majority.
Thanks for extending the invitation to unleash my thoughts on a political pet peeve of mine, and please excuse the length at which I ran on.
I live in Wake County and would boycott everything on your behalf if I could. Unfortunately, that’s not realistic. We live in this state, and we pay taxes to it, and we should enjoy the wonderful natural beauty we have here.
I just spent a week in an oceanfront house in Dare County. I was proud to support one of the few counties that voted down Amendment One. My suggestion is that you go to the Outer Banks if that’s what you want to do, and be out and proud (and interracial!) My experience has been that beach folk are pretty tolerant and welcoming.
There’s a lovely B&B down near the Southern end of Hatteras Island called The Inn at Pamlico Sound which I understand has a wonderful spa. And I don’t know how long a drive is too arduous for you, but it’s only three hours from Raleigh to Manteo, and maybe an hour further north or south, depending where on the Outer Banks you go.
Whatever you choose, I hope you have a wonderful time with family and friends…….
Boycotts of states and other jurisdictions are best left to large organizations like companies, political parties, etc. The DNC had Charlotte selected long before A1 passed, so given the scope of the convention, it suppose it can’t be helped.
So yes, if you and your family want to gather nearer to your home (given the difficulty in your traveling), why not? Also, have one hell of a happy 50th dear one!
I’ve been in Buncombe County and Dare County since the vote, and had a pleasant time both times. Black Mountain in Buncombe was very relaxing, in a cabin up there, and it was a kind of artsy small hippyish seeming town, and I really liked it, sort of like a mini-Asheville.
I’ve spent less time in Dare County because it was worked related, but it was nice too. And my car is decked out with rainbows, so there is no chance that people don’t know.
Knowing that the annual OuterBanks PrideFest happens in Dare County makes it seem like a more hospitable place too.
http://www.obxpridefest.com/
It sucks that the amendment passed, but NC is still our home. More people know more about LGBT issues now than they did in the past. How everyone reacts to the amendment is a personal decision at the end of the day, but for me this is still my state and I still plan to spend my time here.
May I suggest Toronto? They drive like speed demons there but other than that it’s a great city with a lot to do and your marriage is recognized there. It may be far for you but your NY guests wouldn’t have a hard time getting there.
Thank you, Dan, for taking the time for your thoughtful response. I think airing out these issues in discussion with a little distance from the May vote is healthy and I hadn’t seen any discussions about this in its wake. Hearing various perspectives helps. (NOTE: Dan Besse is an elected official, serving as Southwest Ward Council Member for Winston-Salem. http://www.danbesse.org/)
I’m with Dan. I run a travel business with a commitment to queer equality, among other things. I’ve thought about the question, “Is it wrong to take tourism dollars to an anti-queer country?” Of course, depending how you count it, the US would qualify as anti-queer, and so would Texas, where I live.
I’d have trouble telling someone, “Don’t visit here!” for the reasons Dan said. At the end of the day, are you helping apply pressure by creating a financial cost for anti-LGBT policies? Or are you withdrawing the kind of face-to-face interactions that would break down prejudice? Are you punishing those who deserve it, or are our supporters also getting caught in the crossfire?
I feel similarly against boycotting something like HRC. I don’t think there’s a clear answer to the question, “What’s the best way to pressure them to improve?” From the outside? From the inside? I’m happier on the outside, but I don’t have a problem with people doing it from the inside. I only have a problem if they’re okay with the status quo.
Back to my tour business. I decided to lead tours even to places whose policies bother me. But I don’t do it silently. I get in touch with tourism ministries to say, “Your gov’t is making it harder for me and my customers to feel good about your country. We’re all losing business from the people who decide to travel elsewhere. What’s your position on this? What are you doing about it?” And I make sure the hotels and other businesses I patronize are somehow aligned with my values. That’s who I want to have my business; and I hope my customers feel the same way about where their money goes after it leaves their hands.
Pam,
Living in Virginia, believe me, I do understand your concerns about spending money in an unfriendly state. That said, my partner and I went to OBX Pridefest and found the locals in Dare County to be very gay friendly. We stayed at the First Colony Inn and went to a number of restaurants while we were there and no one batted an eye or should the least sign of unfriendliness.
Overall, it was a great time and we did feel welcome.