In an interview for GQ with Devin Gordon, Chris Heath, and Alan Richman, GOP presidential clown car occupant Herman Cain continues to impress me with his qualifications to serve as court jester. Given the numerous allegations of sexual harassment and assault still roiling the entire campaign, leave it to pizza magnate Cain to reach out to the anti-vegetable, insecure male voters out there with this bit of business:
Chris Heath: What can you tell about a man by the type of pizza that he likes?
Herman Cain: [repeats the question aloud, then pauses for a long moment] The more toppings a man has on his pizza, I believe the more manly he is.
Chris Heath:Why is that?
Herman Cain: Because the more manly man is not afraid of abundance. [laughs]
Devin Gordon: Is that purely a meat question?
Herman Cain: A manly man don’t want it piled high with vegetables! He would call that a sissy pizza.
The lack of protein on a vegetable-laden pizza in Herman’s biology lesson means less testosterone, thus you’re a sissy, and we all know that’s half-way to “fagg*t-land.”
The jokes just keep on coming, because Cain was also asked to name what flavor of ice cream (is he an expert at this as well), each of his rivals should have named after them.
Devin Gordon: Let me ask you about your rivals. Recently, in response to a question about you being the new “flavor of the month,” you said you weren’t a flavor of the month, you were Häagen-Dazs black walnut, which “tastes good all the time.” If Mitt Romney was an ice cream flavor, what flavor would he be?
Herman Cain: Oh, just plain vanilla. [laughs]Are you guys really going to print this? I have learned that with my new status in the polls, any- and every thing that I say will show up somewhere. Do you guys really want to do this ice cream analogy?
Devin Gordon: We do. Rick Perry?
Herman Cain: Rick Perry: rocky road.
Devin Gordon: Michele Bachmann?
Herman Cain: Michele Bachmann… I’m not going to say it. I’m not going to say it.
Devin Gordon: Oh, come on!
Herman Cain: Tutti-frutti. I know I’m going to get in trouble!
He never did get around to Ron Paul or, thank god, Santorum. [cont’d]
Cain just released his latest
comedy advertisement, “Bold in Alabama,” illustrating his “man of the Southern people” vibe, rubbing shoulders with a lot of Alabamians (nearly all-white crowds) that flocked to his rallies there.
Touting his bold “9-9-9 Plan” for the renewal of local and state economies, Cain crisscrosses Alabama in the “Cain Train,” speaking with local folks, and reinforcing his, “I will never apologize for the greatness of America,” theme.
At every turn, the poll-surging candidate encounters throngs of cheering crowds and supporters from Alabamans of all stripes. As the Cain Train moves through the heart of Dixie, proves once again that Herman Cain is putting the ‘United’ back into “The United States of America”…..
Thankfully, it looks like Herman’s ride in the front seat of the Clown Car is about over. Via DKos Elections, news about the latest CNN poll:
ORC International for CNN. 11/11-13. Republican primary voters. ±4.5%. (10/14-16 results.)
Romney: 24 (26)
Gingrich: 22 (8)
Cain: 14 (25)
Perry: 12 (13)
Paul: 8 (9)
Bachmann: 6 (6)
Huntsman: 3 (1)
Santorum: 3 (3)
So based on these numbers, it looks as though we may have hit Peak Cain and are now witnessing Rise of the Newt. And these numbers probably aren’t a fluke: PPP says they’ll have a survey out this afternoon showing Newt Gingrich in the top spot, moving ahead of Herman Cain.