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You may be Rapture-ready, but what will become of your kitty ‘n pup when you go to your reward on May 21? The animal-loving atheists at Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA have got ya covered!
You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved. But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus. [snip]
For $135.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved. Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $20.00 fee. A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged and feathered friends.
Note the recent rate increase:
Notice of Rate Increase: Due to the increased activity associated with the May 21, 2011 Rapture prophesy we have increased our service rates for all new contracts submitted as of 1/13/11.
Related:
* God created marriage equality to signal Judgment Day on May 21, 2011.
10 Comments
Great way to get in on the scamWhy should all the money go to religious nutjobs? If these sheep want to waste cash, better give it to atheists
SunuvabeeyotchWhy the hell didn’t I think of this?!? I could pay off my credit cards and student loans!
Don’t worry,there’ll always be another Rapture prediction. Maybe you can open a franchise in your state. So far they’re only in these 26:
Wasn’t this posted already?I could have sworn I read/saw this website before…
Brilliant!Why didn’t I think of this???
I know…Someone else always seems to think of these great ideas first! Dang!
If I wanted to help out those poor Rapturists . . . I would have considered marketing a service to assist them in selling all their worldly goods and giving the proceeds to the poor and needy – and all I would have wanted would have been a 10% fee. I would have drawn up deeds, assisted with personal property auctions and sales, and would have given 90% of the proceeds to actual legitimate charities.
I am concerned about the rapture believers – they must be familiar with the admonition of Luke 18:22:
If these people, actually “knowing” the date and time of the Rapture, don’t do this “selling all they have” stuff, they will not be taken up into the air.
Of course, these folks (fools?) ignore the scriptural admonition of Matthew 25:13:
(Yes, I know, I had to switch from Darby to KJV for the added “wherein the Son of man cometh” piece that’s not in the original sources . . . ).
I also know the adage – “a fool and his money are soon parted” – and that is not from the Bible. Of course, if I were to have set up such a service, I am sure that after the non-Rapture, I’d have some issues with the disciplinary committee of the bar association . . .
Rapture or no rapture, there is always Psalm 49:10
Eventually, we all get to experience that great equalizer. For those who will be disappointed on Saturday night, there is still the Kool-Aid approach, to hurry on to their own personal Rapture.
Bible Quotes are dullI don't feel sorry for these idiots one bit. Yes, eventually the world will end…..So why worry when?
Rapture isn’t the end of the world…at least if I understand their theology correctly (despite having been a former Christian minister, we didn’t share the concept). My understanding (which is generic, because there are many forms of this belief):
1) At some point, the faithful will be brought into a place (the exact place is up for debate) – Heaven is the most common one, although Jerusalem’s on the list, too. This is the Rapture
2) At some point, Earth will get even worse (the Tribulation). When this occurs compared to #1 is a matter for debate (at the same time, before or after).
3) Christ comes again at some point (the Second Coming), either at the point of the Rapture or later (again, this is a point of debate).
4) Christ does something important – perhaps winning a battle at Armageddon or the Valley of Jehoshaphat. This ends the Tribulation.
4) A thousand years pass, give or take a thousand (again, a point of debate, although a thousand years is common).
5) The Last judgement occurs.
So the Rapture is the sign of the impending “end of the world”, not the “end of the world” itself. The theory is that you want to be ready to be one of those who are whisked off in step 1, not someone who might or might not be saved in a later point (whether or not anyone who failed to be ready at #1 is savable is also up for debate).
I don’t care if this inflammatoryBut America is perhaps the only industerialized nation I can think off where religiom triumphs over everything else in so many aspects. Yeah, I don't care if you can list fundies organizations in Europe and Canada. Or in Japan for that matter. We seem to host the most irrational, the most hateful, and the most bigoted bunch in the world. Their stupidity or ignorance is severely understated. We live in a very sick culture where someone who is percived as religious (devout or not), or thinks/claims he or she is, that it's synonymous with being rightous, moral, and a decent, wholesome person. Nothing could be further from the truth.