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So much awful news today. It’s really hard to top what John says here:
A horrific story. 18 year old Tyler Clementi, a freshman at Rutgers University in New Jersey, reportedly jumped off a bridge to his death after his roommate secretly set up spy cameras in his dorm room, filmed him making out with another guy, and then posted the videos on Twitter. (Someone set up a Facebook page in his memory.)This is what it means to be gay in America in 2010. I think a lot of people who aren’t gay, and even many who are, like to think that we’re all rich and live in big welcoming cities where being gay is about as big a handicap as being left-handed. We say we want our civil rights, but I think a lot of people think we’ve got things pretty good, and behind closed doors, they probably call us whiners too.
And I’m sure our lives are pretty good, and just as good as straight people’s, except for the part about not being able to get married, have children in many states, keep a job – oh yeah, and that nagging desire to kill ourselves because so many of us grew up thinking we were horrible people who would never be loved, or find love.
I think it’s this kind of attitude that leads people to lecture us about “keeping the long view in mind” with regards to getting our civil rights. I wrote in response, just yesterday, “to paraphrase Keynes, in the long view we’re all dead.”
And this story — and many of the suicides of other young people — is proof that the pain is not just inflicted in flyover country in some backwoods area. Homophobia is a sickness that is taught. There are people out there like Tyler’s roommate who thought a “little fun” was harmless. Each generation is capable of spawning the most cruel and heartless behavior that turns up in peer groups, seemingly younger and more obsessively focused on gender norms as the cultural changes and expression of difference becomes more common.
19 Comments
Unless Clementi Was A Major Closet Case,I don’t see why anyone would do something so stupid as to commit suicide over THAT.
Instead of letting the room-mate ruin MY college career, the room-mate would have been going to prison (like the men out there who secretly films their girlfriends undressing and having sex with them, then posting the vids to the internet until they get busted). Plus there would have been a lawsuit too.
wow that’s coldsome college kids have EVERYTHING to lose by being outed. like family financial and emotional support, for starters. how many 18 year olds do you know who understand the law, how to navigate the legal system and who have the money and the emotional stamina to do it, especially if they feel they are alone?
Fool is accurate enoughbut not strong enough for your ‘thoughts’ here.
A child, 4 weeks out of his parents’ home, has died at his own hand. Whether his fears, born of cruel and deliberate humiliation, were grounded in reality–whether he could have done something effective to push back–is irrelevant.
When I was pushed by bullies at a young age, I found out that hitting back left me feeling satisfied. But I’d never imply that this kid should have brained the roommate with a Louisville Slugger based on that…
I forget who it was that said this generation was more ‘accepting’Kids are kids. Fact. They are capable of unbelievable cruelty and harm to each other, just because…
This poor child ended his life because of someone’s cruel act.My heart breaks for him and his family and i wish someone could have told him that though life sucks horribly ending yours is just tragic and unnecessary.
Yes, his roommate “ruined” his college career…… by driving him to commit suicide. I can only hope there’s some mitigating factor as to why you would post something so utterly reprehensible and that, upon later reflection, you regret having done so.
RIP Tyler Clementi.
You are starting to disgust meThis is the second time in 12 hours that you have inferred that it is normal and unavoidable and even somewhat excusable for a for a person to cause “unbelievable cruelty and harm” to a child simply because the perpetrator is a kid him/herself.
You also insult the vast majority of kids who are not capable inflicting psychopathic cruelty on others.
I would like to introduce you to my brother-in-law who worked for 25 years as a juvenile corrections officer. He can tell you about some of the nice, normal 14 and 15 year old kids he worked with who did some of those unfortunate but unavoidable things that kids do like raping and murdering people. But like you keep saying, kids are kids. Fact. Not much you can do about it.
Stop being an apologist for bullies or I’ll start thinking you must be a troll. Or something worse?
If he was just beginning to deal with being gaythen being outed in this fashion could wholly emotionally unstring him
It’s pretty clearHe killed himself because he was in the closet. Reports are that his parents didn’t know. From all accounts, he was a good kid, polite, talented musician. Reminds me of myself at that age: totally overcompensating for fear of being “found out” by being the perfect son in all other respects. He obviously was utterly destroyed over the knowledge that he was recorded and that his family would find out. What do you expect in a society that demonizes homosexuality? Obviously, he wasn’t thinking clearly, but why is that so hard for some people to understand?
I guess we’re evenbecause I don’t see why anyone would do something so stupid as to post what you did, right up there.
I guess you’ve never held a razor blade in a trembling hand, debating whether you should drop it or just get it over with. I have.
He wasn’t just “Outed”He was videotaped having sex without his knowledge and that video was sent to all his classmates et. al.
He could very well have been out. But this is akin to rape.
I’m totally enraged by this story and the NYT’s cavalier manner of reporting it.
There’s Nothing Coldheartedabout saying somebody should FIGHT.
Just because the majority of gays are woe-is-me chronically depressed and suicidal doesn’t mean we ALL have to be.
And yes, I’ve been there once over a decade ago. And I said I’d never do something so stupid again – and I haven’t.
Conratulations!You win today’s “SciFi Geek Award” for the most clueless, heartless, wrong-headed, thoroughly counterproductive post of the day. And it’s not even noon.
I Can’t Acceptbecause even though I’m a geek depending on the subject, I don’t watch no Sci-Fi.
But I can tell you anything you need to know about the Friday The 13th films – at least up to part 7. The rest sucked.
focus on the perpetrators, pleaseThey’re facing criminal charges of invasion of privacy. That’s a start. Since the crime appears to be a felony, the state could charge felony murder, and probably should.
There’s also real potential for a civil lawsuit, invasion of privacy or seclusion, disclosure of personal information, false-light publicity, and defamation. And, of course, intentional infliction of emotional distress, which should be eminently provable. All of this should put the perpetrators on the hook for everything this young man would have earned in a long life time, multiplied by punitive and exemplary damages.
No sense speculating on what the victim thought. The chain of causation is easy enough to bring against the defendants. After the string of back-to-school deaths, it’s time someone was made an example of.
They could charge felony murder, but it is unlikely to stickMy understanding is that murder would require evidence that the person intended for the victim to end up dead. They could probably be charged with manslaughter, a lesser crime for when deliberate actions lead to an unanticipated, unintended death. I’m not sure of New Jersey law, but there might be an even lesser charge that would be more likely, something along the lines of “reckless disregard.”
If found guilty of any of these crimes, though, they would spend a lot more time in prison than they would for mere felony breach of privacy.
No, there isn’tif you say it while they can still fight. That isn’t what you did.
you don’t need evidence of intent for the ruleThat’s the efficiency of the felony-murder rule. If you commit a felony that sets in motion a chain of events that ends up someone dead — a bank robbery leading to a death during hot-pursuit, a car theft where a second person uses the car for a kidnapping and murder, a prison breakout in which prison guards are killed — that’s felony murder.
Intent, or more accurately, state of mind of the perpetrator, only comes in when prosecutors seek the death penalty, and traditionally felony-murder rule carried a death penalty. These days, prosecutors must show “an extreme indifference to human life,” e.g., dropping a large stone off an overpass for kicks.
Worth charging, even if it doesn’t rise to capital level. He’s dead, the result of a chain of events beginning with the felony invasion of privacy.
Fiat justitia ruat coelum.
Got it, thanks n/t
I guess being a sociopathic jerkass is better than suicidal, huh.