Once again, I hear transgender people all over speaking for me. Here is Autumn once again telling me what’s good for me and to add insult to injury…whether I like it or not:
“That’s why trans people’s marriages are part of the concept of marriage equality, whether some transsexuals like that idea or not.”Now that’s a lot of nerve…an unmarried, admittedly asexual, bisexual GLB and homosexual T activist telling me, a heterosexual, married female…what is best for me…and, to boot…whether I like that idea or not. Autumn has appropriated my place in life and told me absolutely why she knows better than I do…about my life.
And, make absolutely no mistake, Autumn and other GLB type are not – repeat NOT – going to cease telling women of operative history what is right for us whether we like it or not. As far as the GLB and homosexual T activists/rank and file are concerned, heterosexual women of operative history are 1) in same-sex marriages…whether we like it or not…reducing us to something less than-other than simply female, 2) are in the marriage equality movement which is simply another way of telling us we are in the same-sex marriage movement…whether we like it or not, and 3) will continue appropriating our positions…whether we like it or not, telling us that they know better than us what is best in our marriage and association…whether we like it or not.
~SA-ET (EnoughNonSense) in the blog post at Enough Non-Sense entitled Whether We Like it or Not
Sometimes, the misunderstanding regarding the difference between self-identification and external perceptions of identity — well, these find me sighing and shaking my head in some frustration. In my own experience I see the religious right, as well as what I would call the online, transsexual separatist community, conflate the connection of self-identity to the external perceptions of others — external perceptions that can result in harassment and discrimination.
So going to specifics, in the paragraphs I quoted above from the Enough Non-Sense piece — where SA-ET quoted my August 4th This & That diary — she drew a conclusion based on hers and her peers’ self-identification as women of operative history being a separate identity from transgender identity. Certainly I see a difference — a separation — between the two identities.
SA-ET incorrectly indicated that I was telling her and her peer women of operative history that their self-identification isn’t valid; that I was telling them they are transgender, like it or not; that I was telling them that they must embrace the concept of the transgender umbrella for themselves, like it or not.
And too, it was indicated that I was using same-sex marriage as a tool to force them to become members of what they call “Homosexual T”. This concept of the “Homosexual T” is from Dr. Harry Benjamin’s The Transsexual Phenomenon (Copyright, 1967) in the segment entitled Relationship To Homosexuality:
There are homosexuals who get an emotional satisfaction from cross-dressing. It would be a matter of semantics to consider them “homosexual transvestites” or “transvestitic homosexuals.” They simply desire, for their sexual gratification, both cross-dressing and a partner of the same sex.
SA-ET apparently perceives me to be a “Homosexual T” . But just as SA-ET doesn’t identify as transgender, I don’t identify as “Homosexual T” .
For the record, I identify as a transsexual. If one uses Harry Benjamin’s Gender Disorientation Scale (related his book The Transsexual Phenomenon), I fairly closely align with Type Five: True Transsexual (Moderate Intensity):
Gender Feeling: Feminine (trapped in male body)
Dressing Habits and Social Life: Lives and works as woman if possible. Insufficient relief from dressing.
Sex Object Choice and Sex Life: Libido low. Asexual auto-erotic, or passive homosexual activity. May have been married and have children.
Kinsey Scale: 4-6
Conversion Operation: Requested and usually indicated.
Estrogen Medication: Needed as substitute for or preliminary to operation.
Psychotherapy: Rejected. Useless as to cure. Permissive psychological guidance.
Remarks: Operation hoped for and worked for. Often attained.
If only I didn’t sociopolitically identify as transgender, transsexual separatists might — per the relevant, historic documentation — consider me a “true transsexual.” But, of course, only after I had genital reconstruction surgery (the kind of surgery Dr. Benjamin referred to as the “conversion operation”); but, of course, I do identify as transgender.
But I digress.
I was mentioning this conflation on this past Monday when I had lunch with my friend Cecilia Chung. She helped clarify for me something that I already knew intuitively, but hadn’t recently articulated as a cogent thought. And that thought is this: being discriminated against because one is perceived to be a member of a minority group isn’t the same as identifying as a member of that minority group.
So, there are three components I’m discussing here: 1.) how one self-identifies; 2.) what others perceive one’s identity is, as well as those others’ preconceived ideas about how those others perceive one’s identity, and 3.) the perceptions of those who harass and discriminate against those whom they believe emulate or embrace behavior associated with a particular identity.
So let’s use the difference between the concepts of points 1.) and 2.) to show that others on the religious right — and some feminists — don’t see genital reconstruction surgery as doing anything for the those who identify with Harry Benjamin Syndrome, or who identify as true transsexuals, classic transsexuals, women of operative history, etc.:
[Below the fold: Comments by second wave feminists and conservative "Christians" regarding genital reconstruction surgery, as well as statements by conservative "Christians" and courts as to why marriage equality even applies to those who have had genital reconstruction surgery.]
“Their regular response was to show me their patients.Men (and until recently they were all men) with whom I spoke before their surgery would tell me that their bodies and sexual identities were at variance. Those I met after surgery would tell me that the surgery and hormone treatments that had made them “women” had also made them happy and contented. None of these encounters were persuasive, however. The post-surgical subjects struck me as caricatures of women. They wore high heels, copious makeup, and flamboyant clothing; they spoke about how they found themselves able to give vent to their natural inclinations for peace, domesticity, and gentleness – but their large hands, prominent Adam’s apples, and thick facial features were incongruous (and would become more so as they aged). Women psychiatrists whom I sent to talk with them would intuitively see through the disguise and the exaggerated postures. ‘Gals know gals,’ one said to me, ‘and that’s a guy.’
“The subjects before the surgery struck me as even more strange, as they struggled to convince anyone who might influence the decision for their surgery. First, they spent an unusual amount of time thinking and talking about sex and their sexual experiences; their sexual hungers and adventures seemed to preoccupy them. Second, discussion of babies or children provoked little interest from them; indeed, they seemed indifferent to children. But third, and most remarkable, many of these men-who-claimed-to-be-women reported that they found women sexually attractive and that they saw themselves as “lesbians.” When I noted to their champions that their psychological leanings seemed more like those of men than of women, I would get various replies, mostly to the effect that in making such judgments I was drawing on sexual stereotypes.
…”We saw the results as demonstrating that just as these men enjoyed cross-dressing as women before the operation so they enjoyed cross-living after it. But they were no better in their psychological integration or any easier to live with. With these facts in hand I concluded that Hopkins was fundamentally cooperating with a mental illness. We psychiatrists, I thought, would do better to concentrate on trying to fix their minds and not their genitalia.”
~Paul McHugh‘s Surgical Sex
“Sexual “Reassignment” Surgery and various hormonal therapies represent the physical alteration/mutilation of the body to match a perceived — and self-defined — social role.”~Caleb Price of CitizenLink, an activism arm of Focus On The Family
For someone born with male kit, the decision to ditch it is long, painful and often very expensive. Powerful female hormones will help you sprout pubescent breasts, have a waspish waist, and add a few inches to your hips, but they won’t alter the pitch of your voice or dispense with the need to buy Bics. Only hours of electrolysis will remove your beard and years of speech therapy lessons teach you how to talk like a lady. Massive surgery is essential. The penis is cut off, a cavity is created and, with skin taken from the redundant dick and testicles, a vagina and “natural looking labia” are constructed. Surgeons claim that they can create a fully functioning clitoris, and orgasm is possible – although not at all probable.It’s important that these details are spelt out. Because gender reassignment is not simply about men in frocks; it’s about removing bits of a fully functioning body to be replaced by parts which, however they may approximate to the real thing, simply do not work. In any other case, this would be considered as nothing other than genital mutilation.
~Dea Birkett for The Guardian, via Press For Change
“Thanks to feminism and gay liberation, that situation has altered radically. What a disgrace, therefore, that our legacy amounts to this: if you are unhappy with the constraints of your gender, don’t challenge them. If you are tired of being stared at for snogging your same-sex partner in the street, have a sex change. Where are those who go berserk about the ethics of genetic engineering yet seem not to worry about major, irreversible surgery on healthy bodies? Also, those who “transition” seem to become stereotypical in their appearance – fuck-me shoes and birds’-nest hair for the boys; beards, muscles and tattoos for the girls. Think about a world inhabited just by transsexuals. It would look like the set of Grease.…I don’t have a problem with men disposing of their genitals, but it does not make them women, in the same way that shoving a bit of vacuum hose down your 501s does not make you a man.”
~Julie Bindel for The Guardian
“There’s a gulf of difference between what Obama and liberals in Congress, and the American people deem ‘medically appropriate;’ especially when it’s ‘we the people’ footing the bill. To force Americans, against their conscience, to fund abortion on demand and to facilitate gender confusion by subsidizing the elective practice of genital ‘sex-change’ mutilation is unconscionable.””~Matt Barber of the Liberty Counsel
“Perhaps the state here might consider helping these severely disturbed individuals to get the spiritual and psychological help they need to align their falsely, self-perceived gender identity with their God-given gender reality.”~Matt Barber of the Liberty Counsel for OneNewsNow
And of course, marriages of people who have had genital reconstruction surgery are already considered same-sex marriages by conservative “Christians.” For example, Matt Barber in American Family Associations “news” arm of OneNewsNow, in the article Irish plan promotes same-sex ‘marriage’:
Ireland’s government is planning to permit transsexuals to marry partners of the same gender.Ireland’s minister for social protection has confirmed that the government is committed to providing “legal recognition of the acquired gender of transsexuals.” Matt Barber of Liberty Counsel tells OneNewsNow that means a man who has been surgically altered to become a female could marry a man.
“It’s a shame that Ireland, a nation with such a rich [history of] family values…would be engaging in essentially legalizing the oxymoronic notion of same-sex ‘marriage,’ and that’s exactly what this is,” Barber laments.
The Traditional Values Coalition (TVC) wrote in Transgender Marriage Is Coming:
Somers and Gast are suffering from a serious mental problem called a Gender Identity Disorder (GID). However, instead of a counselor helping each of them to overcome their bizarre feelings of being members of the opposite sex, these men found a surgeon who was willing to mutilate their bodies so they can become fake women.
And quoting the Supreme Court Of The State Of Kansas, TVC wrote:
“The words ‘sex,’ ‘marriage,’ ‘male,’ and ‘female’ in everyday understanding do not encompass transsexuals.…A postoperative male-to-female transsexual does not fit the common definition of a female.”
And, the Supreme Court Of The State Of Kansas added :
“[T]hrough surgery and hormones, a transsexual male can be made to look like a woman, including female genitalia and breasts. Transsexual medical treatment, however, does not create the internal sexual organs of a woman, except for the vaginal canal. There is no womb, cervix or ovaries in the post-operative transsexual female.“[T]he male chromosomes do not change with either hormonal treatment or sex reassignment surgery. Biologically, a post-operative female transsexual is still a male…
…”There are some things we cannot will into being. They just are.”
The Supreme Court Of The State Of Kansas decision, was heavily rooted in the Judgment of the Texas Appeals Court in the Case of Littleton v. Prange, which stated:
Christie was created and born a male. Her original birth certificate, an official document of Texas, clearly so states. During the pendency of this suit, Christie amended the original birth certificate to change the sex and name. Under section 191.029 of the Texas Health and Safety Code she was entitled to seek such an amendment if the record was “incomplete or proved by satisfactory evidence to be inaccurate.” Tex. Health & Safety Code Ann. 191.029 (Vernon 1992). The trial court that granted the petition to amend the birth certificate necessarily construed the term “inaccurate” to relate to the present, and having been presented with the uncontroverted affidavit of an expert stating that Christie is a female, the trial court deemed this satisfactory to prove an inaccuracy. However, the trial courts role in considering the petition was a ministerial one. It involved no fact-finding or consideration of the deeper public policy concerns presented. No one claims the information contained in Christies original birth certificate was based on fraud or error. We believe the legislature intended the term “inaccurate” in section 191.028 to mean inaccurate as of the time the certificate was recorded; that is, at the time of birth. At the time of birth, Christie was a male, both anatomically and genetically. The facts contained in the original birth certificate were true and accurate, and the words contained in the amended certificate are not binding on this court. There are some things we cannot will into being. They just are.Conclusion:
We hold, as a matter of law, that Christie Littleton is a male. As a male, Christie cannot be married to another male. Her marriage to Jonathon was invalid, and she cannot bring a cause of action as his surviving spouse.
When I previously wrote that marriage equality is a trans issue, like it or not, I wasn’t saying that those who self-identify as women of operative history are transgender, like it or not. I didn’t say that those who self-identify as women of operative history who see themselves as simply women are in same-sex marriages if their partner is a non-transsexual male – like it or not.
What I’ve said — and clearly meant — is many in society (especially on the religious right) see marriages that include at least one partner that has had genital reconstruction surgery as being same-sex marriages. Like it or not, marriage equality is an issue for transgender people, transsexual people (which include those who identify as classic and true transsexuals), those who identify as both transgender and transsexual, those who identify as women of operative history, and those who identify with Harry Benjamin Syndrome. That’s because the religious right, some feminists, and some courts in some states have declared that people who have had genital reconstruction surgery can’t really change their sex — and that’s especially the case when it comes to determining who a person who has had genital reconstruction surgery has the freedom to marry.
We’re back to my points I mentioned above:
There are three components I’m discussing here: 1.) how one self-identifies; 2.) what others perceive one’s identity is, as well as those others’ preconceived ideas about how those others perceive one’s identity, and 3.) the perceptions of those who harass and discriminate against those whom they believe emulate or embrace behavior associated with a particular identity.
There are societal and legal consequences for women who’ve had genital reconstruction surgery being perceived by many as being mentally ill, gender confused gay men. Marriage inequalities for those women who have had genital reconstruction surgery is a reason why marriage equality matters — whether one likes or not that marriage equality should matter to, and definitely applies to, those who’ve had genital reconstruction surgery.
It’s not that women of operative history who are heterosexually married to men are in same-sex marriages, but it’s that many would seek to void heterosexual marriages of women of operative history because these these marriages are frequently perceived to be same-sex marriages.
Marriage equality is about the freedom to marry whomever you love; it’s not just about same-sex/same-gender marriages.
~~~~~
Further Reading:
* TS-SI: Marriage Among the Forbidden Class
* First Things: Surgical Sex
* Harry Benjamin: The Transsexual Phenomenon
* Supreme Court Of The State Of Kansas: In The Matter Of The Estate Of Marshall G. Gardiner, Deceased
* Press For Change: Texas: Case of Littleton v. Prange (1999) (Text Of Appeals Court Decision)
~~~~~
Related:
* Wednesday This & That: Open Thread
* The “Alleged” Transgender Wife Of A Texas Firefighter And Inheritance
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203 Comments


Trans People vs. Women of Operative HistoryIf SA-ET doesn’t identify as trans-anything, why did she think you were talking about her when you wrote of trans people? These WOOH’s, WOTH’s and HBSers make no sense to me. If they don’t consider themselves trans, then they have no stake in trans issues, right?
Since when do bigots and chromosome-determinists care…what transwomen think, anyway? Some can deny it all they want, but without LGBT equality, even the most heteronormative transwoman is someone they’ll take great delight in maligning and abusing as a man in a dress.
They’ll still kick you around as ‘not a man’ before transition and then start insisting you are one afterwards.
Distance yourselves all you want, ladies: it’s not going to help your marriage license stand up in court if a straight cisgendered person wants anything you have.
FearThey are afraid that it will somehow reflect badly on them, that they will be confused with cross dressers and that they will be assumed to be some sort of sex worker, and that all of this is the fault of transgender, homosexual transvestite activists (ie, in the terms as they understand them, a bunch of men).
They also use the term “post-transsexual”, which is rather interesting, as it works in direct opposition to their stated position previously that they are transsexual because of physiology.
In order for there to be a cure, it need to be something that is wrong — such as a mental illness. Now, they use mental illness as an attack against Autumn and others (myself included), so apparently they think mental illness is a bad thing, and, therefore something to be cured.
They talk about cure with confidence and importance.
The degree of animus and irrationality is so great that they literally do not realize that they would lose their arguments in a case at law, that science as a whole doesn’t support their beliefs, and that they are their own worst enemies.
I keep hoping they’ll figure it out one day.
YeahIn theory you can have sex reassignment surgery and live the rest of your life as your new gender becoming just another boring ole heterosexual. In practice, if your spouse dies or files for divorce, you will dragged before a judge who will tell you that
1. You are still your old sex.
2. Your marriage is a fraud.
3. For purposes of property/inheritance you are little more than a friend and are entitled to nothing.
You can argue all you want about being just another heterosexual, but unjust laws do not care how you think of yourself. Hence the fight for marriage equality and GLBT rights is very much your fight as well, even if you don’t want it to be.
I always get madWhen Post-op women try to distance themselves from pre-ops. I plan to get SRS but I haven’t been able to yet because of the prohibitive high cost of sexual re-assignment surgery.
I’m sorry, but all your extra cash that you used to get SRS doesn’t make you any better than us poor people who are on the savings account plan for SRS.
You aren’t any better than me and your perfect little marriages have a very good chance of crumbling if anyone can cannot the bread crumbs back to your little secret. Then you’ll find all those nice conservative friends of yours looking at you like a circus freak and freezing you out. I’ve seen so many marriages to trans people, relationships from before or after transition torn apart by so-called friends. And it happens every day. This is our issue every bit as much as a gay or lesbian issue.
And you, dear sister, are one of US,
Whether you like it or not.
Z
I genuinely feel for you, Autumn.
Thank you for trying to advance understanding in the face of such irrationality.
Any way you cut this……there is still always a reason why this is a transgender issue.
Personally, I think Autumn once again hit the nail on the head. It’s not always about how we identify, since unfortunately that is a fight still to come, but how we are viewed, all painted over with the same hateful brush. The religious right that stands in the way of our GLB brothers and sisters do not care if you are transgender, genderqueer, transsexual, or a Person of Operative History. To them, we are all just more extreme “fags and dykes.”
That said, we still have many of us who identify as gay/lesbian or bisexual. Even if our opponents did skip over our gender identities, then many of us still stand as GLBs; still seeking that right for each his/her own to marry the love of his/her life.
Side note: Long time reader, first time poster. My name is Taelyn, in a nutshell, I’m 23, MtF pre-op (counting down the days to GRS though, only 5 months left), and bisexual. Music student by day, security officer by night, and sleep is for the weak.
Women Born Transsexual is too Left Wing and LGBT/T For SA-ETAutumn…
When I started http://womenborntranssexual.com SA-ET, Jennifer Usher, Ariablue and others flocked there expecting me to be an ally of “HBS” and “Classic Transsexual”. They lasted about 10-15 of my first postings before I put them on moderation.
You see they aren’t even about being post-SRS. They are banding together to assure themselves that they are not like everyone else. But they are and I tracked some of them down since I had interactions with these folks for some 15 years.
With some of them there is either gross misrepresentation or they are living fantasy lives.
I personally think the whole identity thing is vastly over rated. What good is diversity or non-discrimination if all that means is equal access to a minimum wage or part time job with no health care.
Having one’s life impacted with association with a trans-prefixed word puts one among the many groups that make up those people Justice Thurgood Marshall described as the despised and the dispossessed.
As I see it.. It is better to make common cause with others who are among the despised and disposed and fight together for the rights of all than to try to weasel ones way into special favor. The word for people who look to make themselves a special exception is “Quisling”.
For what it is worth when Tina and I coined WBT for women born transsexual we meant it as a way of saying that transsexualism was something we were born with and as a way of getting free from all the rhetoric of ‘gender” which we found to be somewhat reactionary.
I’ll second MichaelAnd the darker parts of my soul fervently wish that the people who want to wish hate on others that they find themselves transferred (or their spouse transferred) to a state that will not recognize their relationship as legal.
Some people truly need to get shaken out of their comfort zone by having other people dictate their life situations before they can develop empathy. And if they still cannot manage the empathy, then they’re sociopaths.
Your Marriage Will Not Necessarily End in DisasterA very dear friend of mine just died. Her husband was career military.
In most of these cases one essential document has been overlooked based on heterosexist presumption. That document is a will.
It is taking the extra step and naming the beneficiary.
If you can’t afford it you can use a program like Will Maker.
BTW just as no one questioned my friend’s marriage there will be no questioning now because she had a will.
ResponseAutumn, in the essay on my blog that you allude two, there is exactly one sentence in which you were quoted. You took exception to that sentence and for whatever reason assumed my whole essay was based on it. It wasn’t. And, I responded politely to you with the following:
Autumn, there are a lot of people who in my opinion are way disrespectful to you. We have had discussion before and I would think you would know I am not one of them, nor will I allow that disrespect on my blog. With that said, I would like to take the major points of your comment and respond to them individually. You have said:
Well, absolutely I do not agree that same-sex marriage and marriage equality are not the same thing. As surely as I sit here typing this I know beyond doubt that regardless of how the GLBT wants to posture this issue marriage equality and same-sex marriage are most assuredly the same thing. Marriage equality is the GLBT’s attempt to sanitize and make palatable the concept of same-sex marriage. I have no issue whatsoever with the GLBT taking that tact, but to say that the two terms are not synonymous is disingenuous.
This statement is the heart of my point and I say so in my essay and actually why I think you take exception to me repetitively using “whether you like it or not.” As you might have guessed, I disagree completely with what you say your position is.
On several different occasions when I have brought up the fact that heterosexual post ops do not want to be included, against our will, in the same-sex marriage debate (or marriage equality debate if you like) you have told me flat out that my opinion does not matter and you will continue linking the two…once on Bilerico and one at PHB that I remember. On PHB, when I brought up the fact that there were a considerable number (I believe the majority) of post ops who were not gay or lesbian and inquired as to why you didn’t address their concerns, you indicated that you had just returned from a conference in which a paper had been submitted indicating the ratio was roughly 50-50 and that you would publish a piece on that at a later date…that later date never came about. You went on to further say that PHB was “not the venue” for such a discussion.
My point was transgender advocates, yourself included, refuse to acknowledge in their advocacy that a significant portion of post op transsexuals are neither gay nor lesbian…nor do they appreciate being lumped in, and under, the transgender umbrella. Nonetheless, transgender advocates, yourself included, in their advocacy efforts never differentiate between those of us I mention above and those who are gay or lesbian and are out and proud transgenders…and that is why I make reference to the GLB and homosexual (gay or lesbian) T.
This stance and lack of recognition the transgender advocates take in not recognizing those of us who are neither homosexual nor of whom want to be lumped in with the transgender movement appropriates our identity and narrative against our express wishes to the contrary. So, day in and day out, on blog after blog, news clip after news clip, we are associated with an advocacy group in which not only are we held captive by, but of which doesn’t even represent our position. I mean, if trans advocates, yourself included, are going to say (as you and thousands of others have) are going to say that we are transgender – whether we like it or not – and as a trans advocate are going to advocate for those under the trans umbrella, the absolute least you and other advocates could do is actually advocate for our position. Yet, you do not. None of the trans advocates do. Our positions are not even acknowledged, much less advocated. And, when we try to bring it up in the debate we are absolutely vilified. We are called everything in the book…elitists…homophobes…transphobes, bigots, racists, etc. We are told we are in denial, we’re shouted down, and insulted in a withering assault that has to be experienced to be appreciated. I’m sorry you don’t appreciate what you consider to be a straw man argument on my part but time after time after time you have seen the exact scenario I have illustrated above; I will not accept from you that you have not…you have and you know you have. You, yourself, participate in such antics. “No, I don’t” you might say. Well, HERE is an example of you doing so…where you, by proxy, agree with Dysonnance’s rude, vile, insulting, and vulgar piece entitled “Why it doesn’t matter if you don’t like it.”…that is directly linked to this very essay:
Sorry, Autumn, but the italics are yours…and you are addressing me in that comment as well the entire group I mention above.
You pile on just like everyone else does. I ask you, do you think we appreciate comments like that?
Do you think we feel that our position is respected, much less represented by trans advocates who make comments like that?
I don’t expect you will answer those questions.
In your comment you accuse me of being anti-transgender in spite of myself and many others saying time and time again that we don’t believe that anyone should be discriminated against, including the transgender. And, don’t even get me started on the “…women-who-have-had-genital-reconstruction-surgery-to-create-vaginas…”part. Your disdain is crystal clear.
You absolutely agree with Dysonnance’s rant that it absolutely doesn’t matter whether we like it or not.
Other than knowing Mara Keisling is a trans advocate I wouldn’t know her if she bumped into me, but I do know that just because she says it doesn’t make it true. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I realize that some of the issues heterosexual post ops have are tied to the transgender umbrella and same-sex/marriage equality…no denying that. But what you fail to admit, either out of denial or ignorance, is that the reason it is tied to transgender is because the transgender activist since the advent of the internet have never missed even one opportunity to make the correlation…whether we like it or not. The strides in legislation that were made on behalf of post op transsexuals and their birth certificates in the 60s and 70s were not obtained via a one big happy GLB and homosexual T family all marching lock step in some unified quest for rights. Post ops at that time defined our own issues and took them on independently from the GLB…there wasn’t even a transgender movement in those days. And, Autumn, to make it crystal clear, everyone, the gays and lesbians as well as those who would now be included under the TG umbrella, knew absolutely that there was a huge difference between those who were transsexual and the rest of what would now be termed gender variant. We were different, not better, with different approaches and different agendas than either the GLB or others who are now referred to as gender variant. They knew it, and we knew it. And, that fact was no big deal back then. I know that to be the case because I was there.
But, whatever strides we made independently many years ago with regards to the acceptance, recognition, and legitimacy of post op transsexuals as our target sex are now being eroded, confused, and threatened by a quest by the GLBT for marriage equality and certain civil rights they feel they are entitled to…a quest that lumps all of us into the same boat and assumes everyone – including, in total, all of the GLB and anyone who could even vaguely be considered transgender – has the same issues and are all fighting for the same causes.
I categorically say we do not have the same issues and are not fighting for the same causes. We do not accept that we are trans, or trans men or trans women. We see ourselves as male or female, period…with no prefixes.
And, we prefer to fight any battles we might encounter on those terms, seeking those objectives, without any association with the other gender variant groups.
And, without any association with the GLB movement…for any association with that movement further delegitimizes our identity and narrative and furthers the stereotype that we are nothing more than gay men/women who have gone to an extreme.
And, we are not homophobes or transphobes for holding this position.
And, we are tired of hearing from other trans activists, yourself included, that we are transgender, have the same causes as the transgender and same issues as the transgender, or the GLB with regard to our rights, marriage or otherwise…whether we like it or not. That is an axiom that has continued over the years that has been perpetuated not by us, but by the GLBT. An association that has been made by the GLBT, not us, and any traction it might have obtained is absolutely for the gain of the GLB and homosexual T and can be laid at their feet.
Oh, I’m fully aware of those cases, Autumn. Those three states are thrown up by the transgender community every time the concept of transsexuals legally marrying surfaces…in fact, just as you’re doing so now. But, you simply miss the point.
And, the point is that the cases in Texas, Florida, and Kansas shot down the marriage because the bride or groom were not recognized as their target sex, and so the courts ruled the marriage was same sex. Fair enough. I certainly am aware that there is work to do with regards to all fifty states recognizing the marriage between post ops and their natal-born husbands/wives. I have questions for you in that regard below.
Where were the trans activists after these cases were determined?
Or, even though I’m glad they didn’t surface, where were the GLB activists after these cases were determined?
Why haven’t the very out activists been doing their dead level best to lobby these and other state governments to recognize post ops as their target sex in every way?
Why don’t we hear about any lobbying to have those three states recognize our target sex? Admittedly, and importantly, at least Texas managed to get recognition in the Texas Family Code.
Why don’t the activists ever mention the other 47 states or so that either do recognize our target sex, or of which the issue has never been challenged in Court? I can name three right off the bat that recognize our marriage, Louisiana, New Jersey and California…Louisiana and New Jersey have laws specifically banning same sex marriage, yet they recognize post op’s marriage…until last week, California had the same situation. Why aren’t those ever mentioned?
Why hasn’t the GLBT advocates pushed for Federal Legislation recognizing post ops target sex?
I can tell you why one never hears of this type of advocacy and that is because the GLBT is a completely homocentric group. Instead of lobbying for the heterosexual marriage rights of post ops the GLBT argues for marriage equality/same-sex marriage…in an effort to include everyone under the transgender umbrella. That is an admirable stance…on the surface. The insidious part is that the same GLBT advocates, at every opportunity, in one way or the other turn any issue involving the heterosexual marriage of a post op TS into one of a same-sex marriage associated with the GLBT movement.
In Florida, Kantaras was co counseled by the National Center for Lesbian Rights. In Texas, Littleton was counseled by transgender attorney Phyllis Frye. In Kansas, Gardiner’s trial at least made it through the appeals courts before being shot down and though the internet is full of GLBT blogs that comment on it, apparently the attorney had no connection to them. And, now the Nikki Araguz trial is upon us. The attorney is once again, Phyllis Frye. But, more importantly is that the local transgender community is obsessed with appearances, press releases, and YouTube clips hell bent on defining Nikki as transgender. This in spite of Nikki saying she “hated” the word and time after time, when asked if she was transgender saying she was a heterosexual female. However, Nikki making that statement was “disturbing” to Cristen Williams, the director of the Houston TG Center. She says so HERE…when she had the nerve to call Nikki up and record a phone conversation about it.
Not content to let it be, Cristen then published an e-mail she received from Nikki HERE.
Cristen then spins things and says that Fox “quote mined” the interview which is ridiculous, I saw the interview live when it happened…there was no quote mine, no “out of context”. Yet, in still another YouTube clip, Cristen wants to make absolutely certain everyone refers to Nikki as someone who identifies as transgender. HERE, in the description portion of the video, Cristen (apparently still miffed at Nikki not throwing herself on the transgender cross) points out “2.) Does Nikki own her TG history.” That same organization, the Houston TG Center says HERE that:
“This will be a landmark case. We face a long legal battle which will likely reach the U.S. Supreme Court and will define future law on transgender recognition and same-sex marriage.”
I’ve most probably watched every video Nikki has given, unfortunately. She always identifies as a heterosexual female. Only reluctantly, since the Houston TG Center checked her on saying she “hated” the word transgender has she very uncomfortably alluded to the term. She has said she did not want to be the poster child for any “cause”. Still, the Houston TG Center is setting this up as a “transgender” issue and one of the future of same-sex marriage…whether Nikki likes it or not. In Nikki’s defense, what is she supposed to do? A transgender attorney is basically working for little or nothing…up front, at least. And the Houston TG center apparently arranged for it. She’s caught between a rock and a hard place.
Autumn, the issues that heterosexual post op transsexuals have are not the issues that the GLB and homosexual T have, even though the GLBT continues to make a connection between the two of them at every opportunity, as if it were. And, yes, not a day goes by when we comment on a blog, or write an essay defending our position that the GLBT advocates, yourself included, don’t say we are wrong, insult us…and then, either in writing or by implication, tell us…whether you like it or not.
We are ignored, shouted down, insulted, and vilified by the transgender activists because we are the minority…just as the trans activists and GLB as a whole are vilified by the mainstream in the same way. You and the other activists do not even claim to represent our position; we are called homophobes, transphobes, separatists, racists, elitist instead. Autumn, you and the other activists give our position no respect or recognition. Instead, you all’s position is that our issues and your issues are the same…refusing to even listen to what we have to say if we object to that premise.
I don’t see my article nor my position, when referring to what you say or write, as a straw man argument. I am an engineer and am perfectly capable of expressing my views without you sending me links to debate style and logic. If you are not able to understand my position and want to characterize it as a straw man, so be it.
The point of my essay is wrapped around these paragraphs at the end of it, taken verbatim from the piece:
“The GLBT and homosexual T have said blah blah blah blah…all day long…everyday for years that society as a whole and religious fundamentalist specifically hate them because those two groups are in the majority and the GLB and homosexual T are the minority…thus the haves are able to dictate to the have nots, i.e., the GLB and homosexual T and what their right will or will not be. The GLBT says ad nauseum that those in the majority should never, ever be able to dictate the rights and positions of those in the minority. As examples, they say had not the courts ruled in favor of the minority in the cases of mixed-race marriage and equal rights for people of color, the white majority would have never voted to allow either of those issues to pass. And, I absolutely agree with them.”
“Further, the GLB and homosexual T have forever defended their quest for same-sex marriage with the position of “what harm will it do to traditional marriage” if same-sex marriage is allowed? The heterosexual majority vilifies the same-sex marriage activists and counters with, essentially, we are the majority and we know best what is good and not good when it comes to marriage…whether you like it or not. I agree with the GLB and homosexual T’s logic on this issue as well.”
“The point is those of us who do not want to be identified with the GLBT and/or homosexual T are in the minority, just as Kelly Winters says above…just as the GLBT is the minority within society as a whole. The GLBT persecutes and holds our narratives and positions hostage because they are in the majority just as and ABSOLUTELY THE SAME AS society holds the narratives and positions of the GLB and homosexual T hostage because society as a whole is in the majority. There is not one shred of difference. NONE!
The GLB and/or homosexual T whines day in and day out about how they are called immoral, diseased, pedophiles, etc by the societal majority, yet they have no problem whatsoever calling those who want no association with their group divisive, odious, trolls, and haters. The societal majority sits back from a position of numerical privilege and says to the GLB and homosexual T that they know what is best for the GLB and homosexual T…whether the GLBT like it or not…just as the GLB and homosexual T sits back in the exact same position of numerical privilege and says they know what is best for those of us who do not want any association with them…again, whether we like it or not…in spite of us asking for recognition…in spite of our protests…in spite of us trying to reason with them.”
“The GLB and homosexual T treats and responds to those of us who have a transsexual history and do not want to be associated with them in the EXACT AND ABSOLUTELY SAME MANNER…as the societal majority in which the GLBT despise…treats them. What is good for the GLBT goose is definitely not good for the women of transsexual history gander. The GLB and homosexual T absolutely feel that they are vilified, slandered, marginalized, suppressed, and dictated to by the societal majority and rightfully despise that oppression…yet that same GLB and homosexual T have absolutely no problem treating those of us with a transsexual history who do not belong in, nor wish to belong in, their community the same way…whether we like it or not.”
I realize this is long and probably won’t sail, nonetheless, it is my position. But I’d like to end on two note.
First, from a recent article on Nikki Araguz:
http://www.washingtontimes.com…
“Shannon Price Minter, legal director for the National Center for Transgender Equality, said the national push for gay marriage has unintentionally hurt transgendered people and resulted in cases like this.”
And, Secondly:
Suzan Cooke, I don’t know you, posted twice on your blog on an issue unrelated to any of this, and frankly, find your blog boring. I certainly haven’t flocked to your blog. As for the HBS portion, until a little while back, you called yourself HBS here on PHB:
http://www.pamshouseblend.com/…
“I’m a woman who was born with the transsexual Syndrome aka Harry Benjamin Syndrome. An intersex condition for which I was treated with a sex change operation. I’m not now nor was I ever transgender.”
http://www.pamshouseblend.com/…
“I’m a WBT. I was born with TS/HBS and had sex reassignment surgery some 35 years ago.”
http://www.pamshouseblend.com/…
“My having been born with the Transsexual Syndrome/Harry Benjamin Syndrome is just a part of my ancient medical history.”
http://www.pamshouseblend.com/…
“Suzan Cooke and Tina Sokol coined the term WBT, Woman Born Transsexual in early 2001…It was coined as short hand that conveyed that the Transsexual Syndrome/Harry Benjamin Syndrome was something we were born with and had been surgically treated for by sex reassignment surgery.”
In spite of the above quotes, you say here http://feed.belowthebelt.org/2…
“Me? HBS? Sorry but I’ve called HBS bullshit ever since it first reared its silly head. You can blame WBT on me if you wish as my partner and I coined that meme but HBS… No..”
You’re delusional and a malcontent, and certainly no one I know cares one way or the other who you are allied with. You are just another insignificant internut trying to revise their life.
You do your cause little goodBy using words such as “delusional” and “Insignificant Internut”.
I continue reading your blog, as there’s much there of value.
If you really want to be a cynic, you’d say that “Teh Gay” is pushing the Araguz case forward because a) Her sex at the time of the marriage was legally questionable in Texas, and b) By losing the case, they give precedent to the use of court-ordered MtoF sex changes as proof of “real” masculinity to validate a number of genuinely lesbian same-sex marriages in Texas, thereby furthering The Homosexual Agenda calling for same-sex marriage.
So you’re being played by them. That’s what a cynic would say, anyway.
Meanwhile, I’ve been giving the Widow Araguz as much support as I can in the Houston Chronicle comments section and elsewhere. I’ve not had a whole lot of help from the WBTs.
Thank you.“I’m sorry, but all your extra cash that you used to get SRS doesn’t make you any better than us poor people who are on the savings account plan for SRS.”
This comment helped me appreciate that this is as much of a class issue as anything else.
What?What is a non-LGBT woman doing on an LGBT site, asserting her non-LGBTness? Why not just go hang out in a non-LGBT women’s group? Why have anything to do with the LGBT community?
You’re not one of us. You clearly don’t want to be associated with us. So, why are you associating with us? I don’t get it.
I can’t take that “non-sense” blog serious…Ever since I read their lengthy post about how “teh gayz” are all about sex (it’s even in the name homoseksual, you guise!)
And that it’s bad for T’s to align themselves with them, because it also makes them all about sex by association.
They are quite obnoxious :\
It’s sad.It’s almost like they want us to go back into the closet, or deny us medical treatment, or something. They have a very selfish attitude.
Um… deep thoughts. How do I identify?Intersexed/Transgender or Transgender/Intersexed.
Does how I think of myself affect how others perceive me? No, not at all.
If I do nothing, will that make those who look at Transgender or Intersexed people look at us in a different light? I don’t think so.
To those that have a simple minded hate, we’re all freaks and sinners. If you get them spooled up about the issue they’ll turn on a lifelong friend or sibling if they found out the person is Transgender or Intersexed.
Case in point. While I was in the military, I had two women of ‘operative history’ who were both CAIS. I’ll only talk about the first one.
Beautiful woman, an 11 out of 10. She joined for the same reasons that others join. But, also for the medical coverage. She’s tall, with big feet and hands (she would steal my work coveralls and boots and gloves since they fit her) and did have transphobic and homophobic remarks hurled at her constantly. From what I saw, it was something she normally dealt with. She had some good comebacks, but on the low days she would just go in to the ladies and cry.
At 14 she was told that they had to perform surgery, go in and see why she didn’t have any menstrual periods. As a 14 year old, she did what any good girl does. Afterwards they told her they didn’t find anything and there was nothing they could do for now. To think about adoption in the future after she got married.
So, she joined the military. One day she said something and then I said something and she was upset and went to see a real gynecologist. [long story, yes when I was younger I was a naive ass] The military gynecologist gave her a through exam and determined she was CAIS.
How did he tell her? “You’re a dude, dude”.
She went from being a natal female to being a woman of operative history.
In the state we were in, that effectively ended any marriage possibility. A few of the guys that were really crushing on her just turned and walked away from her. Mostly those who did not know her, only lusted after a hot chick. Only one jerk in our shop said anything negative about her… but he was ejected from the military with in days for other reasons. Those of us who worked with her closely, still loved her and cared about her. (After all, she was our miliary family. We all had our flaws.)
It was 3 years later that I was faced with my own doctor saying “you’re a freak of nature”… And found out first hand how mean people can be. (hey, same reaction. some who found out were jerks, but most of those that worked with me were stil my buds)
Then, when I was finally allowed to go near my step family…
One of their little ones started showing signs of Divergent Sexual Development. You can’t talk directly to bigots, I know. I tried explaining thru the above story (omitting mine) to one that the child in question needed to see a specialist. It was like talking to a brick wall. [irony alert, it was mom and mom is a nurse who's seen infant IS conditions] The family kept putting off anything and everything not dealing with the issue.
Talk to any Trans person. There is an time of opportunity during adolescence where HRT is most effective. The parents failed in their job (same as mine) and the child was in their early 20′s prior to diagnosis and going on HRT. It has affected their quality of life a bit.
But… they’re ignoring the facts of their own existence. They are mormon and teach in a mormon school. The person and their family actually talk about gender testing teachers and prospective teachers to ensure “none of those freaks get in to our schools!”. (seriously, the kid couldn’t pass a gender test if you paid the proctors off with gold bars)
As long as we have to deal with such haters, people will be afraid to expose themselves as anything other than cis-gendered. We all know cis-gender types have it way easier than gender variants.
Some differentiations that are being missed:1) I’m probably putting words in Autumn’s mouth now, but I think the point she was trying to make was less about undermining how people identify and more about the fact that regardless of identity, people can still experience discrimination as a result of a trans-related issue. It holds true if you strip trans identity right out of the equation. And one can respect and acknowledge a self-identification as a woman of transsexual history, and still see that the Nikki Araguz case demonstrates a continued vulnerability to legal discrimination and sabotage.
2) Why do we always have to demonstrate self-interest in order to motivate people to care? I don’t mean to impugn any one group of people here, because this is not the only group that does this (witness the drop-the-T and marriage-consumes-too-much-of-our-resources debates). One should not have to be a part of the affected group in order to be concerned about social injustice.
I say this realizing that we can’t be everywhere, do everything, fund everything, or always be involved with every worthy cause. We don’t have the time, energy or life circumstances to do that. But we should at least start recognizing when there is an injustice, and not stand in the way, undermine the effort or divert a lot of energy in order to fight over semantics. Or walk away completely once we have everything we wanted. Those things don’t do anyone any good.
CarefulI brought that up with them once and was informed that I was being just as racist as Monica Roberts.
Which is an odd insult in reality, since she’s not racist, but, well, they meant it as such.
Oh, and whatever you do, don’t mention “gender”, “social construct”, or “privilege”.
Um, They do.Want us back in the closet.
Failing that, however, they will settle for a public and constant separation of heterosexual, post operative, type 6 transsexuals from all other forms of gender variance and sex work in any and all posts, articles, guidelines, and so forth.
If you say LGBT, they want you to make sure that you also specifically note they are not part of it.
And if they could, they’d also have no one who fails to meet their irrational, non-standardized, personal, their opinion only and subject to all manner of possible exclusions, especially if you disagree with them, rules for what constitutes and does not constitute a transsexual.
They have a “transdar” you see — they even get the “vibe” through words, written by someone they’ve never met.
Needless to say, I have a history with this particular group (as opposed to the wider group that pretty much avoids any kind of confrontation like this) and I have a great deal of disrespect for them.
That’s their mission, though.The small group is bound and determined to fight those evil transgender Activists on their home turf by any and all means.
Marriage EqualityAll this is a good example of why marriage equality is the right term – not same-sex marriage or gay marriage. It doesn’t matter why the marriage of two consenting unrelated adults is considered wrong, whether the people are the same sex, issues like the ones described above, non-fertility, previous divorce, or any other reason. Civil marriage is for the individuals involved to determine, and we all need to support everyone’s right to it.
And I agree…
Whether we like it or not.
One of the major points that hasn’t been said yet….Is that you can run but you cannot hide.
Credit reports, identity checks and background checks will reveal that you are trans whether you like it or not. Name changes are public records in many states and cannot be hidden by court order. This is a result of the information age. Nothing is totally private anymore. This will become worse as more counties and states computerize old court records.
As much as I would like to deny my pre-transition life, it’s still a big part of who I am. It has nothing to do with one’s perceived identity. The information is available to those who look for it. I see no sense in moving from one closet to another now that I’m post op.
The availability of information is a big part of the reason that marriage equality IS a T issue whether we like it or not.
OK, back to the beginning.Autumn’s original post was not about differentiation between HBS, WBT, transsexual, transgender, or whatever. It was about the judgment of those who would hate us and how those people perceive us. I live in Tennessee. There is a court precedent that is used to say that gender reassignment is not recognized for the purposes of marriage. Add TN to your list of those states that do not recognize WBT marrying MBC (men born cissexual, to continue the jargon).
Regardless of our self-identification, those who would deny us rights use the same points in their hatred. I believe that the legal advances of the ’60s and ’70s happened under the radar, and once the religious right finds out about them, they will try to strip those as well. I see nowhere that the talibangelicals have a plank in their platform that says “one man, one woman, even if one of them was born otherwise”. They believe that marriage is all about procreation, so none of US fit their little world view.
I respect SA-ET’s self-identification. I see that in Autumn’s body of work as well. I do think SA-ET is naive in her view of how the rightist culture views her legitimacy.
A will won’t help with…As we keep saying about equal marriage, there’s only so much a will can help with. Yes, with a will, your friend can inherit her career military husbands property, but if the marriage is challenged and declared void, they will lose all of the military retiree benefits, which are huge.
op status?While these people have no respect for anyone who hasn’t had SRS, it’s not really about operative status.
It’s really the notion that if they pretend to be straight cisgendered women hard enough, prejudice and discrimination will magically disappear from their lives. That they would slide under the radar if it wasn’t for all those icky gays bringing down the heat.
She seems to really be hostileAnd that post, the size of “The Deathly Hallows” doesn’t change the fact that
1. You have transsexual history and always will
2. You have friends and possibly family who would actively either distance themselves from you or actively try to drive a wedge between you if they found out about your “fraud marriage” (borrowing from the woman from the Ruth institute who accosted Pam)
3. There will always be trails of breadcrumbs to connect the dots for anyone who really wants to be nosey.
You don’t have to be on our side or in agreement with anything we say. And yes, we WILL defend you if/when you are in the same mess. Because you are one of us, even if you choose not to see it that way.
Yep, that’s bigAnd another ‘class issue,’ too. As I’m sure you know, for a lot of TSes, the promise of being so vulnerable as one in transition is scary and traumatic. Particularly regarding legal papers: what our LGB brothers and sisters go through is hard, but isn’t necessarily constant in the same way.
There are a lot of ways to react to this, and it seems one of them is to decide that being able to be what used to be ‘fully stealth’ makes one ‘for real’ and that everything that might indicate anyone’s transgender anywhere is a threat to that status: this is in a way, I think, a side-effect of the ‘trial by ordeal’ factor within transition itself: for all medical transition does for us, it’s still a scary time of being subject to everyone around you’s judgment on your ‘reality,’ even strangers.
It seems some of these ‘women of history’ have decided that they ‘won’ at this ordeal and are very intent on validating that status, …likely because they know they aren’t as safe as they’d like to be.
Legal paperwork and ID that matches your gender is important, just for safety, but even twenty years ago, it was becoming obvious that it wouldn’t erase the paper or credit trail even from teenage life: that simply omitting any history involving the birth-name would not be a good option regarding housing or employment, no matter how menial. Even then, you had to account for your time, in ways that the promises of the Standards of Care, if you could afford them, didn’t seem to have caught up with.
Money may smooth it over, but I think they’re still afraid. I have some compassion, there: and certainly, the ‘lesbian and gay’ community was once a lot less understanding and respectful than they are now: there was a lot more transphobia and a lot more of gay men thinking we were exotic toys and people to take out the wounds to their own masculinity that a life of being exposed to homophobia would seem to accumulate. The whole ‘Ticked Off Trannies with Knives’ movie, where some gay man claims, ’See, this is liberating for transsexuals, who are this ugly monster I want them to be, really!’ …is a contemporary example of that attitude. And you can bet that can make one ill-disposed to the gay and ‘genderqueer’ communities.
When genderqueer people deny the experiences of ‘classic TSes,’ even if they say, ‘This is positive, accept yourself …as gender-discordant, but not as a transsexual!’ …well, they’re just one more voice telling us we don’t know ourselves and should have, or should, stay in pain. For their ‘theories.’
My suggestion for those ‘women of history’ would be to understand that, yes, drag queens and others are* in fact different.* But attacking them and homosexuality merely sounds like denial. And, far from acheiving any ‘distancing,’ it’s in fact you who make the connection and association between gays and other kinds of transpeople, every time you do that.
The bigots will say what they’ll say regardless of what we do, or are, as the extensive quotes from Autumn show.
They’ll use you, intolerant ‘women of history,’ to validate their own attacks on LGBT people, and and then turn right around and apply that very hate and distortion to you.
Cause I got a history, too. I learned from it. And one of the things I learned is that people who try to appease bullies by attacking other minorities come to regret it.
Trans-Seperatists? I like that term….So, these people really annoy me. Here is how I feel:
Once a transsexual, always a transsexual. I don’t care how much surgery or hormones you get/have, you will always be a transsexual, simply by definition. Maybe, once we have the technology to completely change one’s chromosomal makeup will I consider changing my attitude on this, but even then, if you’ve transitioned from one sex to another you are trans + sexual. Take some effin’ PRIDE in who you are.
Another thing, as someone has pointed out, if they are so much the ‘real’ woman, then why even bother with trans issues anymore? GTFO out of our space then, ya know? ”Hi, I’m not trans, I mean I was, Im just not any more, I’m cured. Anyway I just wanted to pop in and say please don’t include me in your trans comments” <—Dumb and you blew your own illusory cover, d’uh…
I think alot of them are old-school and bitter. They came from a time when gender variance was not accepted, only the binary. It’s almost like they resent the fact that there now exists an acceptance of the gender spectrum. I’m not sure, but what else could drive such madness?
A heterosexual post-ops transsexual is still a transsexual, and thus marriage equality is just as important an issue.
You know what, forget all that. Marriage Equality is an important issue for EVERYONE ON THIS PLANET. If you are now hiding behind all your surgeries and amended paperwork and saying it’s not your concern, you are a coward and morally bankrupt, period. Go hide, knowing full well your peers are still fighting the good fight you chose to abandon out of your selfish greed. We know who you are, and who you will always be. Kthxbai!
DeludedYou’ve got to love these self-loathing trans people. I simply can’t imagine a circumstance where I would could turn around and be so hateful and cruel toward others less-fortunate than myself. Here we have transsexuals who are lucky enough that they’ve been able to finance and achieve surgery. Good for you! But rather than being thankful or keeping a level head concerning where they came from, they become hateful, elitist, self-absorbed. ”I’ve got mine, and if you can’t afford it? Screw you, homo.”
I tend to believe these people are far more psychologically and mentally damaged than trans-folks they mock and deride. These are people so deeply entrenched in their own self hatred, their own revulsion at their own bodies, that they to belittle and mock those less fortunate in order to continue feeling good. It’s not enough to transition, to have surgery, or to be accepted. They HAVE to be better than other transsexuals. They HAVE to imagine the tacit approval of the rest of society by distancing themselves from others.
The sad truth is this: no-matter how many surgeries one has, no-matter how well they pass, no-matter what label they dream up (“Women of Operative History”? Really?) our enemies will still hate us. All of us. To the Right Wing, they are still perverts. To the Right Wing, they are still and always will be men. Sorry. And if marriage equality fails, I damn-well guarantee that they’ll go after legally-bound “heterosexual” transsexual marriages. You think surgery will stop them from using a blood test to type your birth gender? No way. If you were a born a male and you’re married to a male, then your same-sex marriage will be up for public vote just the same.
We all stand together or we all lose, in the end. And it makes me want to scream when I see posts like this. While a few people stand up and fight on the front lines, these idiots, these cruel, petty, self-hating jerks like the ironically-titled EnoughNon-Sense blogger sit back and mock them. It makes me sick and it makes me angry, because what this “heterosexual, married female” transsexual fails to recognize is that the people she mocks are fighting for her rights too.
Thanks, Autumn, for your well-thought-out self-defenseIt’s too bad that it was even necessary.
When I try to work out the “who gets to be male” and “who gets to be female” thing, I realize that we have numerous different genetic, physiological, social and legal issues involved in what, for those who are cissexual, seems to be a no-brainer.
The typical cissexual person who doesn’t give it a thought might rely on external genital shape, and if pushed, will fall on either side of whether surgical reconfiguration “changes sex.” Some of them will accept it, others will believe that sex is immutable and unchangeable and that the shape of the borth genitals is the controlling factor.
Other cissexual people might turn to “junk genetics.” They may have learned in high school biology class that the 23rd chromosome pair in males is XY and in females is XX, and on that basis, are willing to assign sex, even if that means leaving transsexuals in their birth assignment, and people with any anomaly in the 23rd chromosome “pair” (which could involve one, two, three or more chromosomes).
Of course, it isn’t only cissexual people who don’t think things through, either. I am only referring to those who never really think about what it means to be male or female.
At one point, I was willing to distinguish between “gender identity” in the mind, and “sex assignment” based largely on genitals. The I read more and more about the brain studies and the BSTc, and I concluded that sex-as-assignment isn’t just genital-tract-based.
That led me to the conclusion that people who are born with a transsexual situation (brain developing one way, genital ducts the other way) do NOT belong to the original sex assignment. On the other hand, we don’t really and completely belong to the other binary assignment, either. And technically, that is no matter what we do hormonally or surgically. That leaves us as the (to me, dreaded, but to someone who ID’s as genderqueer, perhaps welcomed) “other” – we are outsiders in a binary system.
Those of us who have the strongest need to bring the rest of our bodies into as full a harmony with our minds as is humanly possible will have hormonal and surgical work done to the extent possible and/or medically advisable. Others have no desire to change their bodies, preferring to just be different. Many fall somewhere in the middle. (I’m one who really feels the need for surgery but have not been allowed to have it because of medical issues).
Once we realize that whatever we do, we are in some way “other,” and don’t fully fit into the binary of sex assignment in the strictest sense, that’s when we start parsing all the little nuances to find one or more legal statuses.
I’m in one of those odd situations – legally female under New York DMV regulations, and for social security (based on the pre-October 2002 reguations). Legally female for passport purposes (since only recently). Legally male on my birth certificate, which in new York controls the right to marriage. Based on that last, I have a legal lesbian marriage in New York, but only because of what my spouse calls that “very tiny minor technicality.”
What marriage equality would do, would be to insure that my straight sisters and brothers could enter into legal heterosexual marriages (the kind that Brainless Brute Brian Brown from the National Organization (against) Marriage called “NOM” thinks are gay marriages).
The TS separatists take aim at the wrong people. They’re not being dragged into the marriage equality fight at all. The way it is right now in a number of states, their heterosexual marriages, even with otherwise validly ssued licenses, are subject to collateral attack, because (as Autumn correctly points out) of the idiots out there who think that even post-ops have to be classified as members of their original sex assignment.
We have to acknowledge that in a binary sex-assignment environment, we have to fight for recognition. The worst point to start is to accept the societal dictate that we belong to the original sex assigned. Apparently there are at least some TS separatists who don’t understand that they never belonged to theor birth sex either. Of course, if they want to believe that, then they’re susceptible to the argument that the original sex is immutable.
If we can make the scientiffically correct point that we don’t really ever belong to that original sex that was assigned, then it becomes easier to get people to understand that if we have to live in a binary world, we should be able to be easily re-assigned to the sex where we belong.
What criteria should there be?
Is reproductive ability a factor? Should it be a prerequisite to recognition of getting out from “other” that the individual’s genital tract not be reproductively capable in the original assignment’s role?
How to prove one’s “gender identity.” Is a self-assertion or affidavit enough, or does one need to have one or more mental health or medical professionals attesting to the individual’s self-identity?
What, if any, medical or surgical treatment should be required?
Getting to “other” should be as simple as making a notarized declaration and filing it with the birth registry authorities. That should result in at minimum, the erasure of the priginal incorrect assignment from the birth record.
Beyond that? I’d support making it easier than more difficult. Why should people be stuck in the wrong assignment, or with no assignment, in a binary world? It’s either that or eliminate/change the binary altogether.
Education, Education, EducationWill cure most of these issues.
We had an experience with the HBS folksMy girlfriend and I had experience with the HBSer’s.
First , a little background on us.
We’re both transwomen. I have had surgery, she has not.
No biggie, she’s still a woman to me and my girl identifies as a woman. She is not a man, she’s doesn’t act like one, she is a woman period.
I relate to myself as being a woman, but I am under no illusions that my past won’t come back in my face to haunt me.
The HBS people don’t get that you can run from your past but you can’t hide. all you can do is live your life the best you can. And that doesn’t involve cutting others down to make your lot better. I don’t care who you think you are as I am only interested in how you treat me and my family and friends.
OK, four years ago I went to TS-SA(?) website, read some of the articles and made some comment on livejournal. I was concerned that the HBS crowd did not treat others as they would like to be treated. I also explained that I would love to think that I did not have a past that involved me being see as male, but this just isn’t true. It’s not my truth, I have to live with the fact that for forty years I lived in hiding, not only to others around me, but to myself as well. And I transitioned, not to be woman, but to be myself. However that process of integration worked out I was ready and willing to accept that.
After several years of soul searching and trying to avoid the things I really needed to do. It turned out I was a woman after all and went through the process keeping in mind my past could jump out and bite me at the most inopportune moments, and it has, but with less frequency as the years wear on. This is the reality of being a transwoman in 21st century America. You are a Woman, but any non qualified arm chair expert can jump out of the woodwork and claim you are a man.
Well, it’s turns out other transwomen can do that too.
You can be stalked via email and livejournal and given a good talking too, vis a vie, how you are not a true transsexual. I am not a true transsexual. I don’t want to be a true transsexual, I just want to be myself.
I relate as being a woman, but that doesn’t give me carte blanche to barge into a group of women where I am not wanted. That is how most women behave that I have observed.
I sense a kind of uncertainty in the whole HBS mantra. We are good and you are evil because you are screwing with our reality frame work. Hey. don’t blame me for the way the world is, I have to deal with it too. And calling people names is not my answer to the problem. Suffice to say I am very wary of making friends with other transwomen, or any woman, until I know they are not going to pull out the ol’ you are a man mantra. I do not have time for bullshit. My life has been full of too much BS, too much time lost being some else. To much time hating myself and listening to the bat shittery that passes itself off as logic. I have time to make up for, so that’s what I am doing. It doesn’t involve being what YOU want me to be.
I am a Woman, a lover, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a damn good network tech and a smart ass. I strive to be good at all these things.
But the sigma never goes away. Ever. That is reality.
The trick is to surround your self with people that help mitigate this inconvenient truth. Not to bash people when they try to explain something to you.
Look folks, whatever world you want to create for yourself is fine with me, until you start calling me and my girl friend names and hurling epithets. If your cause was as just as you claim you would find another way of getting your point across other than being a bully. That behavior deminishes your credibility in my eyes, and my girlfriends eyes too.
I don’t know what indignities you have had to endure to get to where you needed to be, but if it was anything close to my journey I don’t see how you can start pointing fingers.
HBS adherents don’t seem to have enough humility to be a friend of mine. It’s like they forgot how tough it really is to be yourself in world trying to extinguish you. Maybe you forgot. So let me remind you THE WORLD DOESN’T WANT ANY OF US! LGBT or straight. Our job is to mitigate the danger and come out of it a better person. We make our own worlds/lives, but there is a time when we do have to play with others.
Leave me and my girlfriend alone and let us continue on our journey and we’ll do the same for you.
It is the least we could do for a sister.
Err, ENS?You don’t speak for all straight transsexuals, either.
There are some ways in which I can understand not wanting to be ‘associated’ with some of the things T people are associated with, but that doesn’t make it wise to start attacking other people so labeled.
There has of course, been something of a long history of transphobia within the ‘lesbian and gay’ community, as well as elsewhere, and I think all of us have cause to have at least a few bitter memories, some more recent than may be admitted. A real difference between the TS experience and that of other LBGT people (Let that definition be just ‘those called such’ for the time being, for the sake of the discussion at hand) is in fact that even in the most tolerant and accepting world, being or having been ‘in the wrong body’ hurts. It’s not about sex or anything fun or sexy or in such a Utopian world of tolerance, something that’d just be about love and pleasure and the dance of gender presentation and forming relationships.
Hurts. All the fear and outcast-status and hiding in one form or another aside, it’s just kinda gross to be pre-op, before anyone else even gets involved.
A lot of people just don’t understand this, especially some LGB people whose central dramas are often to accept and respect themselves ‘as they are,’ ‘gender-inappropriate’ attractions and loves included.
The fact is, they’re oppressed for ‘violating born gender and sex roles’ and we’re oppressed for therefore in many minds being ‘very gay.’
I don’t find all members of the ’T category’ particularly convenient to my sense of public perception, either, (Including those who seem to be feeding into and validating homophobia and transphobia themselves in the name of some sense of ‘superiority’ for post-ops) …and there has been a tendency for the ‘genderqueer’ folks to be somewhat dismissive of or insensitive to ‘classic transsexuals,’ pre or post-op, …what to them may be a ‘happy and positive,’ ‘Accept yourself as you are, (or ‘were,’) embrace this kind of freaky,’ may be to us just yet another set of voices telling us we don’t know, or should suppress, our own selves and needs.
Among those needs, certainly, particularly when post-op, is to forget and just get on with life. To actually enjoy a bit of that life without constantly dwelling on a traumatic and painful history.
Maybe it’s easier for me: as a bisexual in a same-sex relationship right now, that’s the basis on which I really interact with the LGBT issues and community, and otherwise, tend to compartmentalize a lot of the trans history: a number of years of being out of ongoing and immediate pain, when I think of my past, I tend to forget how much the body-incongruity hurt and remember high school in terms of my inner experience: Of being a girl in ‘disguise.’
I sure didn’t go through all I did to forever dwell in that pain. It wasn’t all pain, after all. Wasn’t all misery, fear, isolation, disgust, and trying to survive my own economy-sized deathwish. Some of it was actually kind of fun: (the last part had a way of turning into a lot of adventures most teens don’t really have: particularly cisgendered girls. Mother-of-all, though. I don’t think I could count how many times I came that close to being an ‘unknown tranny’-shaped smear on one hard surface or another. ’Semi-charmed life?’ Maybe. I do think Lady looks out for us, if no one else will. )
As much as I forget some of it, these are my experiences. My memories. Since some of them are used to invalidate my identity, then and now, it’s not always easy to remember that. Now that I’m more comfortable with the body, I can often forget (perhaps mercifully) that it wasn’t always that way.
I don’t even particularly want to be out, (As a TS, anyway: I don’t mind being out as bi, queer, or whatever.) But I don’t want to have to hide, either. Or lie, just to protect myself and those I love.
From discrimination and bigotry toward LGBT people.
My past is, at least in some ways, my past. Yeah, I spent a lot of it with a cerebellum not equipped for all the androgens some unwanted parts were cooking my frontal lobes in after puberty, but I’ll take the turbo spatial awareness skills,or what’s left of them. Hard to tell my own story without em.
It wasn’t fun or sexy, …or even, really, sexual. I was attracted to people, but didn’t have any sort of connection with what my own part in that was supposed to be. I was attracted to men as well as women, didn’t really have any sense what to do about it. I sure wasn’t attracted to gay men, and there’s a big difference there that a lot of people of binary sexuality just don’t understand: they tend to think sexuality is simply a matter of anatomy, when it’s not. If you’re not really a guy, gay men don’t connect with you, even if for their part, they sense something ‘queer’ and think you’re just the cutest little thing.
The ‘gay stigma’ may be applied to us, but that doesn’t mean there’s actually anything there. Neither does that make the stigma and ignorance correct, nor does it mean that stigma can be simply argued away from us.
Yes, we’re different. I’m different. If I’d been born cisgendered, I’d surely be a different person, but here I am.
It doesn’t make me ‘less of a woman,’ just an …odder one. There doesn’t have to be anything wrong with that.
…I’m just well-aware that the dubious social and legal protection of the clinical model that psychiatry once provided was mostly based on a) invisibility, b) a certain respect among the for science and medicine’s authority, and c) and an age when your data-trail was in a filing cabinet somewhere, and your birth certificate, if amended, was in your own records to show, not for sale in huge detail all over the Internet.
And the fact is, by and large, the LGBT movement has come around to respecting us, while psychiatry has been entertaining ‘theories’ from some hostile and unethical, even abusive sources… and though there is some progress in understanding, this really hasn’t translated into actual backing or advocacy or defense of our lives and needs from that quarter.
They’ll take our money, but in all this time haven’t done much at all for our rights to be covered for health care and treatment, or even to back up reassignment or documentation in court or bureaucracy.
No, I’m not a ‘drag queen’ or ‘shemale’ or ‘mutilated man’ or ‘closeted gay,’ or ‘mentally ill,’ (Well, apart from some pretty serious post-traumatic stress disorder from all this, but that’s secondary.)
Drag still looks like a bloody minstrel show to me, most of the time, but if you pay attention, it also means something to the people doing and watching it that is different from transsexualism, even if some TSes have to become showgirls or prostitutes, and don’t think it’s ‘fun’ at all:
There needs to be understanding on both sides, here. Starting, of course, among those who suffer (or fear) the oppressions put on LGBT people, …all of us.
That includes understanding that for a lot of transsexual women, some of this noise is not about our lives. I didn’t stand on the line with Queer Nation to have some gay dude tell me I can’t be a straight prude if I so feel like, thanks very much. Or that I should embrace the minstrel show personally.
But the point of equality and liberation and understanding isn’t which side of the bad penny of ignorance and bigotry to internalize and then battle the other side.
Don’t accept the bigots’ terms and definitions.
We all need to learn and accept each other, just as much as the straight world does. It doesn’t have to take over or define your life. But if you want people to see the difference between yourself and a drag performer, stand next to one.
If bigots and bystanders can’t see the difference, maybe it’s cause we don’t show them. Both that there is a difference, and that we can’t be played off each other as if anyone had the right in the first place.
He inherited her estateMarriage works both ways. We are not the only ones although generally speaking it has gone in that direction who can have the legitimacy challenges.
The relatives of a woman or man with a transsexual history could challenge the inheritance rights of the non transsexual spouse just as easily.
The problem with chromosomesIs that they aren’t the binary determinant that they are even supposed to be. Many’s the time when cisgendered women didn’t even know they were ‘XY females’ until they were tested for some sports competition or similar.
I’ve never even been tested, myself: I’d be pretty surprised if I wasn’t XY, though, actually. (Not very surprised, I suppose, perhaps, but I think I can account for causation via the DES exposure correlation: my older sister was also so-exposed, and I presume that if I was XX, we’d still share the other health effects but I’d have been biologically-cisgendered, like her. )
I was caught between the ‘old school’ and ‘newer.’ Kind of one of the many separate pioneers of ‘transitioning young.’ It didn’t exactly go smoothly.
There’s reason to be bitter, (And reason to get over it as best one can, too,) but there’s nothing ‘magical’ about chromosomes that makes you ‘real.’ Or that puts your identity up for being defined by any schmoe who comes along with a ‘theory.’
Or thinks that the transsexual experience really is about sexuality. It’s obviously involved, but not the heart of it. Nor are ‘chromosomes.’ Or even ‘Real.’
‘Real’ is about being. Not defining. No one, preacher or genderqueer activist, actually gets to override my being, just for their definitions.
Which is one place where marriage equality is like all the rest of this. Who gets to decide? Strangers? Or we ourselves?
You are still a transsexualExcuse me I had SRS some 40 years ago. It cure me of being transsexual. I haven had the least desire to change sex since.
I do not need to identify as transsexual to fight for the rights of all LGBT/TQ folks. The L part is identity enough to keep fighting for those rights.
It is like standing up for equal rights for African Americans although one is white. Supporting abortion rights though I will never need one.
You don’t have to support human rights and equality because you are a particular identity. You do it because it is the right and ethical thing to do.
Please don’t shoot me for what i say and feel.Ya know when i was transitioning i was out and trying to further the cause for rights etc. I looked at the post op ladies who were like we have empathy and here is a lil advice to make your life easier thru transition. But someday you might find you want to just live a peaceful life. I didn’t understand it at the time and thought what a load of Sheit … You UPPITY Bitches and your WEARING YOUR POST OP LIKE SOME CROWN OF Thorns….
But the funny part is now after 10 or so years post op i have grown to see their point of view.. Back 15 yrs ago i was screaming at the uppity posties too but to bad this is something one has to experience to understand the point of view and till you get there maybe one should at least listen to those who’s experience you have not experienced. Cause if your pre op TS they have experienced were you are now.. but you have not experienced were they are.
And before everyone jumps on affordability of srs SUCK it up and do what you need to if SRS/GRS is what you need to be Congruent body and mind..
How many have sold everything they own and saved ever nickle dime and penny they have found or earned to reach the savings need for surgery.. How many have cable and internet and gripe about not affording surgery. How many are willing never got to the movies to save money ? I mean seriously? My very best year of income was 29,000 usd and after being fired for being TS after informing the job of my intentions… The income droped to 9k a year.. Yet with determination saved 18,680 usd Dr meltzer wanted for stage one SRS .. labia was another 3k but had to save for that again .. So if you want it bad enough you can do it and saying oh i am to poor is bullsheet … its another excuse to waller in self pity and want someone to give it to you..
I find the resentment towards those who have done all they need to be congruent like the Aesop fable of Sour grapes..
My using HBS as a synonym It is true I was suckered into using HBS for a short period of time after having laughed Charlotte Golair(sp) off the WBT mailing list for having proposed BS for Benjamin Syndrome.
That was before encountering the hateful bigots who embraced it.
HBS is a way of saying one is a bigot, and who thinks themselves worthy of passing judgment on who is or is not legitimately transsexual based on their embracing or rejecting of the hateful dogma of the HBS/CT set.
StealthI get a real laugh out of people who claim to be stealth and think they are because of all the sock puppets they create when the reality is one that starts leaving a paper trail even before you are born.
But let’s say you want to live”off the grid” you don’t go around posting your bigotry to every trans or LGBT/TQ blog, mailing list or Usenet group in the world.
Because if you do that anyone with any motivation can track you back to the location you posted from through tools easily available like “Whois”
I agree.When it comes to identity communities and self-identification, people should be able to choose the terms tha apply to identify — or not identify — themeselves, and for the most part they deserve to have their idenitities and terms for themselves respected.
I may personally believe someone who identifies as an ex-gay or as a former homosexual is surrendering to internalized homophobia, or engaged in self-delution (I say this as someone who is an ex-ex-trans woman), but it doesn’t mean I don’t identify them by their chosen identity, and I respect their self-identity to the same level that I want them to respect mine.
I don’t respect identifications with Harry Benjamin Syndrome (HBS) in the same way I don’t respect identifications with Same-Sex Attraction Disorder (SSAD). This is because these terms are designed to sound like medical or mental health terms, while at the same time no mainstream medical, psychological, or psychiatric associciation has ever acknowledged these as actual medical, psychological, and/or psychiatric conditions. Folk just can’t make-up medical sounding conditions and expect forlk like me to buy into it.
Anyway SusyQ, I acknowledge and honor the terminology you choose for yourself — I very much respect your choices.
THANK YOU!I’ve been saying this for decades, triviagirl!!
I’m so sick and tired of seeing class and beauty privilege when it comes to post-ops who’ve never had to suffer from discrimination.
Yes, it was great to see Isis star in the reality show America’s Next Top Model, but I got really pissed when she was given surgery on Oprah thanks to Tyra Banks, when there are thousands of us struggling every single day!
I’ve seen so many potential employers’ face fall the nanosecond they’ve seen me because I’m not pretty or feminine enough for them. It’s why I’ve been suffering from severe depression for so many years and why I haven’t even applied for work for four years!
Look at what’s happening to Vandy Bell in Atlanta! A judge has ruled she’s to get her job back, but her bigots boss is so afraid of her, he’s ordered her to do her job from home!! The bastard should’ve been fired!
Revisiting the 1960s!I remember back in the old days before the adoption of the HBSOC, where these old male psychiatrists were the gateway to SRS.
They decreed that not only did these transwomen had to pass certain beauty standards, they also had to obtain “traditional” female jobs, no matter what their education or background! They also were forced to get boyfriends with the goal of marriage, so heaven forbid she identified as lesbian!
It looks like some of these privileged ones want to go back to the future in attitude. These terms they’re using just curdles my gourd and is classist to the extreme!
I’ve been there!I’ve repeatedly posted on the stories, Zoe, not to mention clicking on the comments I approve of.
Right,sis.Do keep in mind that not all ‘classic TSes’ (I fit the HBS standards, slam-dunk,) think that those standards are the be-all and end-all.
Just me, but I’ve just never been attracted to other sisters, …at all. The idea seems kind of incestuous, or something. In my more ‘out’ days, particularly pre-operatively, I kept ending up on first dates with chasers. Absolute-zero chemistry would usually mean they’d soon ‘confess’ to being a crossdresser, and I’d be like, ’OK, we’re done here, datewise. Henceforth, support-group mode.’ )
There’s a lot of diversity. (Amusingly, if you think of transwomen and transmen as a third and fourth sex, respectively: Wow! I’m heterosexual! I’m attracted to people of every ‘sex’ but my own!
Point there is really, diversity. Just from living the life, I’ve been treated like some kind of fetishistic lingerie mannequin by enough furtive fetishists or closeted gays, (Or just plain desperate-for affection TSes: been there, I assure you,) and like ‘someone who ought to be non-disgusted about pre-op conditions’ …that it’d put you right off association with the ‘LBGT scene’ or even sex at all for a long time.
For a lot of ‘classic TSes,’ one of the many catch-22s of our lives is being treated as ‘perverts’ for the exact same reason sexuality of any kind is… Problematic. This will mess you up.
And even of some of these self-hating-sounding sisters, understand that you can’t expect everyone to make the same sense out of a traumatically-nonsensical situation.
Frankly, it’s very ‘female’ to blame yourself. Even inappropriately, and especially subconsciously. And the last thing that gets dealt with in all this talk about us is realities like that. What our actual experience actually does to actual us.
Even if you’re ‘supposed’ to outwardly be the toughest cookie in three worlds just to not be called ‘A man, baby’ …even here on PHB, I was actually mocked by some gay dude and told I had nothing to say about being a transwoman cause I admitted crying about it.
How ironic is that? How convoluted?
I sure didn’t go through all this to have someone tell me I’m ‘insufficiently manly’ (Or womanly?) for crying.
‘Femininity’ and ‘Effeminacy’ aren’t the same thing. Who said they were, or either thing was defined by genitals and sex acts, anyway? Femininity, maybe, can kick butt and cry about it during or later.
Who you have sex with? Secondary. Being true to yourself there is the good stuff.
All TS women are raised under conditions where we’re ‘supposed to be tough and definitive and all-knowing, of never-backing-down and always subject to scrutiny.’
People literally try and beat the tears and ‘sensitivity’ out of us. I sure didn’t go through that to become either a shrinking violet or a marble statue of Athena.
Sometimes I end up with some of both.
If I weren’t as tough, I’d probably be dead. If I couldn’t cry, I surely would be.
It’s a rare transwoman without some damage in this day and age. We can’t define ourselves out of that. We don’t get it easy or simple with regard to others. But what is, is. And it ain’t all bad.
My thoughts exactly……Many of these folk appear to me to be thinking about their histories and operative status more than I think about identity — and heck, I’m someone who is publicly transgender working on what I see as transgender issues.
Stealth is hard to actually maintain — these days it requires laying false paper trails, as well as lying about one’s personal history. And, one has to keep track of all the paper trails and lies so one doesn’t slip up and out oneself.
Plus, stealth only works until it doesn’t. I hear that what one can find out with an $99 online detective search is amazing. (Frankly, I’ve never done one.) Certainly even employers doing basic credit checks can stumble on one’s history regarding change of name and gender.
I’m not that skilled (and not inclined to learn) how to do detective work on these folk, but even I can figure out the locality of where PHB online commenters based on their IP addresses. When folk comment here, they are giving me enough information to find where they live — to blow their stealth if I were so inclined. Again, I’m not that inclined to look up anything on anyone who prefers being stealth (although I might be so inclined to make exceptions for those who communicates threats of violence).
If one wants to remain stealth, one shouldn’t advertize online that one is stealth.
And, even if one doesn’t advertize one’s alleged stealthiness, again let me say that stealth still may only work until it doesn’t.
Well.As I’ve said, I understand wanting it to be over, …but even now that it is, my share of the cable bill would at this rate add up to moderately-priced SRS in approximately 120 years, back-of the napkin.
)
Trivializing the real economic woes and troubles of being pre-op may seem easy in retrospect, but doesn’t change the reality. It’s not as though I was living it up out there on the street when my family was trying to kill me and my change of name via the US government was being treated as ‘fraud’ by two out of the three credit agencies in the nation, who wouldn’t take a phone call about it without twelve hundred dollars up front that may as well have been twelve million where I was.
Six or seven years of that, even the first single year of that, permanently damaged my health. I worked hard, just to get by, was hardly a spendthrift, …and what got me my surgery wasn’t even much of anything to do with it. I got lucky. Just that once.
I didn’t ‘deserve’ what I got, and I didn’t get what I deserved. And I think the scariest thing about it is in fact how arbitrary even what may be espoused by the fortunate as, self-servingly, all due to industry, enterprise, thrift and virtue really is. A lazy person may never take the opportunity, but not everyone gets one, and everyone does have legs that can be kicked out from under them.
It’s part of the American myth that personal virtue inherently pays off. (And that lack of payoff just means you are un-virtuous.) But only the ‘winners’ tell us that, …not wanting to believe that their own good outcome was partly random. But all this ‘virtue’ as easily and far more often does not pay off.
To be quite honest, one of this lifetime’s lessons for me was really in fact that ‘rugged individualism’ doesn’t always carry the day. Trusting someone else after all I’d been through was really the hard part.
Still is.
I don’t walk around advertising ‘I’m a transsexual,’ but neither would I deny it if a sincere person asked. (Or hide it from those few people in the world to whom my genitals and their history might actually be their personal business.
To say ‘Failure to raise a lot of money in the same place in the same way in the same prescribed time periods means you aren’t transsexual,’ is no better than a lot of other jerks out there saying, ‘You don’t deserve a home if we could scam you on a mortgage.’
Just more stupid American Calvinism, that.
I Got SRS in 1972Much of what you say about the bad old days before HBSOC is mythological BS. Dr Benjamin was one of my physicians, indeed he wrote one of my surgery letters.
I co-ran the National Transsexual Counseling Unit in SF’s Tenderloin.
We were funded by reed Erickson who was himself F to M.
While our office served mainly the poor and young those who went through Stanford were even more varied. Some were married with children. Others were out lesbians, there were people of color in the group.
I was a radical and hippie.
It is kind of BS about the “traditional jobs” too. The rule was “a job” or school. Many were in Control Data Institute and became the people who turned the computer/electronics industry into a stereotypical trans-job.
Perhaps you mean earlier, though. There was a reason for that earlier as employment was segregated into “help wanted men” and “help wanted women”.
As for beauties… I have photographs and perhaps 25% fell in that category. Those who bang that drum not only tended to not be beauties but also to not put any effort into looking like their target sex.
I have been to groups and meetings for some 40 years now and the same type of people have always been with us.
The You had to be this that and the other thing back then needs unpacking. The subtext reads “I didn’t have the courage to do it until now because it looked like pure social suicide. I was afraid.”
A good friend of mine Jacob Hale gave me a syllogism, “Trans lives were lived, therefore trans lives were livable.”
All sorts of people got SRS in the 1970s once it became widely available starting in about 1970. Therfore it was possible for all sorts of people to get surgery.
In amongst all the noise, and for what it’s worth…I’m finally at my happy-place, at least as far as becoming my mind-gender and living it.
I have a personality that more closely hews to female norms than male norms. This is likely the result of my mom taking DES. But, at any rate, it is what it is.
My body is male. I was born with a penis (which has made useful raw material in constructing a sensate female pudenda-and-vagina.) I’m not going to bother with a karyotype because, whatever is there, it ain’t going to change anything (more on that later.) I’m pretty lucky in that male puberty wasn’t too hard on me — I ended up without a strong jaw or prominent brow ridge, my shoulders are narrow and my hips are a bit wider that the normal for males.
The one thing that really sticks out is I got stuck with a resonant baritone voice. Oh, well..
All in all, I’m happy and comfortable with how I turned out, considering the raw material I had to work with. Others are luckier. But, of course, I still wish that I’d been born in the correct body to begin with. But I’ll take what I got over the alternative of not having transitioned.
Of cisgendered folks, there are, to my mind, four types.
1- Know and Doesn’t Matter;
2- Don’t Know and Doesn’t Matter;
3- Know and Does Matter; and
4- Don’t Know and Does Matter.
Types one and two are potential allies, types three and four are potentially antagonists.
Types three and four are likely to maintain the view that I’m a male who is mentally disturbed or confused or selfish or deviant or a combination of that and more. No amount of scientific evidence, no rational argument will dissuade them from their belief in what they hold to be ‘truth.’ Trying to persuade such folks otherwise is like teaching a pig to sing — it wastes my time and annoys the pig.
SA-ET and the other HBS/WBT/WOOH/WOTH folks are similar to cisgendered type-3 folks. Indeed, I have already been labeled/classified/pigeonholed by various HBS/WBT/WOOH/WOTH folks for expressing my view that a ‘weekend warrior’ crossdresser, or a transwoman who has chosen to be non-operative is just as much a part of the transgender spectrum as a transwoman who has completed GRS, and perhaps FFS, and that the weekend warrior and non-ops should not be excluded, and demonised, and treated as inferior.
In fact, it is my PERSONAL feeling that the HBS/WBT/WOOH/WOTH folks we’re referring to in this topic bear a strong resemblance in behaviour and attitude to some of the extreme right-wing groups we are seeing at this moment in history, in regards to those groups they have declared as apposed to themselves.
It’s like teaching a pig to sing… I have better things to do with my time. And I like me just the way I are (^v^)
HmmActually that sounds like the HBSOC to me. Until we get rid of all that rubbish and allow transpeople to direct our own lives we’ll never be truly equal.
Interesting thought:I hadn’t actually put together the ‘ex-gay’ and the ‘homophobia-among-certain-post-ops’ together in quite this way before, but:
If you read the other copious posts I’ve made here today, there are ways in which I could see how some transwomen can be homophobic. Straight people aren’t the only ones who believe transwomen are just ‘closeted gays.’
To be honest, I was subjected to ‘corrective rape’ by a conflicted gay man, too, and actually threatened with it as a ‘cure’ more than once. When I say that some gay men have treated transwomen like straight men treat lesbians, (particularly in the ‘my member can fix you’) way, I mean this from personal experience.
I never internalized the notion that being a young transgirl made me actually a ‘gay boy,’ (If it were that easy, there would have been plenty of takers, even some ordained ones.) …but I know some do.
And I won’t soon forget a certain gay man who was trying to say ‘You’re not trans, let me screw you and prove it,’ and I said, ‘Listen, dude, I’m sure you think you’re doing me a favor, but I’ve been raped on those terms and I’m not interested in discussing it: I just came for a book.’ At the time I was more or less in layers of rags, barely off the street, and probably by demeanor much like a squirrel with boundary issues:
In an odd Catholic-school shadow, he said, ‘Some people need to be raped.’
I pulled half the store down behind me on the way out.
It’s not what the rainbow flag means, but it left a mark for a long time.
You do a great job, Autumn, but sisters who’ve transitioned in the past few years don’t get some things.
I attended a ‘lecture’ recently in a Southern university where some sister presented herself as an ‘expert’ after a few years’ transition and actually spread her legs on a lectern like it was supposed to prove something. She didn’t pass well, had the ‘Wearing too-small-and-too-tight old clothes actually makes you smaller’ disease, and represented nothing about why trans life is hard apart from arguing with imaginary Baptists.
There are disconnects if you try to be a walking ‘issue.’
Think ‘self-identification’ is some substitute for human interaction.
It’s like, ’Being post-op after a few years doesn’t make you an authority: you don’t ‘pass’ as well as you think, especially behaving like that, and you shouldn’t have to do either, anyway, never mind turn a lecture hall into some daytime talk show.‘
I was mortified to be in the same room.
Still a sister. But. Goddess.
You wonder why some don’t want to be associated?
This isn’t an ‘existential’ problem, it’s a social one. And that goes both ways.
Welcome to Pam’s House Blend, Taelyn!
By the way Suzy:“Excuse me I had SRS some 40 years ago. It cure me of being transsexual. I haven had the least desire to change sex since.”
Haha, though: ain’t that what it all comes down to, all theories, definitions, and very real complexities and complications aside?
Of course, the matter of civil rights and the law may not operate on this premise.
Still
I graduated high school. “High school student” is still part of me, though. :)
Sorry, EnoughNonSense, you ARE vulnerable to majority perceptions…as are all who have not followed the normative life course. You may be less at risk, but that doesn’t mean zero risk. The decrease in privacy due to merging of records with the Internet, the chance of medical recognition in a hospital setting, and, Deity forbid, incarceration – all these put even the most unnoticeable post-op woman at risk of exposure to the jackasses that make up the bulk of the population. The bit about wills means nothing if the deceased spouse’s family chooses to challenge, you get an unsympathetic judge, and you get the average American jury. (I live in a “Purple” state where playing the anti-gay card will get you 70% of the statewide vote, and I have no question that the number would be the same for discrimination against transgender/transsexual/women of operative history.)
You are perfectly free to notice, or ignore, the political movement for marriage equality. The advent of marriage equality would ensure you, if married, of having enough legal standing to overrule the spouse’s family. If not married and not intending to marry, I suppose marriage equality would be of no benefit to you.
Don’t transferOnto people who fit the Harry Benjamin Standards, …well-intentioned as they may be, the fact that for most TSes, those standards are an ordeal and hostage situation where in fact, the opinion of others is supposed to define your identity and ability to get out of pain.
Have you ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome?
It seems very incomprehensible until you find it happens to you in a very heterosexual domestic battery situation.
Harry Benjamin wasn’t wrong about TS people, only about prioritizing what others think of it on assumption that ‘Anyone who needs this care can pay out of pocket and is most concerned with being early-sixties normative.’
Only in presenting medicine as a benevolent gatekeeper for people to whom money is the least of their problems.
It doesn’t mean he was wrong, not about our needs for surgery and treatment and …life, but it does mean ‘The Standards of Care are Neither.’ If you’ve been in that economic ’hostage situation,’ you may come out of it differently, but no one is immune to it.
DES“”I have a personality that more closely hews to female norms than male norms. This is likely the result of my mom taking DES. But, at any rate, it is what it is. “”
You, too, eh?
It seems the last thing anyone wants to admit is that being trans is an intersex condition of the brain, triggered easily enough, and often by chemicals: better, to some, to place the blame on some supernatural ‘immorality.’
On the victims.
Again. Harry Benjamin had little idea of gender diversity or cushy classism, he only knew of the people in enough pain even in a pre-Stonewall world that they dared everything when most shrinks would shoot them with testosterone or electrocute them.*
People for whom it was, ‘This or death, even with allmy money.’
No, that’s not all of what it means to be ‘transgender,’ but for a transsexual, it’s still little different even now. When it comes to that very core pain.
Not that it should be this way, but if when I was pre-op, someone said, ‘We’ll fix your body, but you must pretend to be male and never have sex again,’ I’d have said ‘Done deal.’ (Would have hurt, that, too, but I would have done it, zero hesitation.) Clearly, much of psychiatry thought it was a great way to reinforce gender norms, but that doesn’t mean that you can really reduce ‘classic TSes to that state of affairs.
Agree with half but…IMHO you are still a transsexual, even if you’ve had SRS. You may have been ‘cured’ of your Gender Identity Disorder, but you still identify with a gender that is different than your biological sex. At best the case you can make it that you do not produce any gametes at all anymore and thus are biologically sexless, but it still remains that you are identifying with a gender that differs from your biological sex.
As far as respecting identities goes, the difference between LGB and T is that T is a medical diagnosis and not an orientation. It’s not a self-identification of choice. You can either accept the diagnosis and then accept the label and run with it, or not, but it’s not a chosen identification.
Transgender, I think, would be the identification…you can identify as transgender. Gender marker boxes are male/female/transgender, so yeah, that’s the self-identification label that can be chosen. In which case, I’m sure many transsexuals would prefer to be checked as anything other than transgender.
I did not create the words or their definitions, and I’m sorry you feel as you do. I understand your desire to be wholly recognized as the gender you identify with, and if you tell me you are male or female I will fight for your right to say such and recognize you as such, but by definition, you are a transsexual. A rose by any other name…
Hey, but you are right, you don’t need to identify with any group at all to do the right thing.
Not reallyWhile indeed, to transsexuals, there is a ‘disorder,’ …namely a physical one, there is nothing ‘disordered’ about being ‘cross-gender identified,’ or so behaving, or indeed, truly ‘binary’ about ‘biological sex.’
If ‘biological sex’ was truly binary, especially with all these other implications and derivatives, we wouldn’t be having this discussion.
It’s one reason I didn’t like the reclassification of ‘Transsexualism’ into an ‘Identity Disorder Of Gender. ‘ My identity is fine. Just massively-stressed-out. My gender is female, but as open to interpretation as for anyone. My sex? That was always the problem right there.
Politically, yes, I’m trans. If not for the practical realities, I would be fine checking off the T box or the F box, maybe a TF box, and letting people look damn surprised about it.
Actually the Ability to Survive seems reasonableConsidering how even doing sex work is considered as the ability to survive in one’s target sex asking some one to show the ability to hold a job or go to school for a few months seems reasonable.
Ever since 1972 I have been troubled by one person who used to come to the office. Molly/Johnny had MPD. We passed counseling upstairs to the professionals because her/his issues were way above our job description which was one of helping people interface with social services.
But we were her and his friend. Molly went to a doctor who operated on demand and got SRS. Johnny could handle this and committed suicide.
I am adamantly opposed to having to comply with a GID diagnosis. But there has to be some sort of gate keeping to stop or assure special handling of someone like Molly/Johnny.
I never had Gender Identity DisorderI had transsexualism. GID is a pure social construct invented in 1980 by people like Paul McHugh, Jon Meyers and Janice Raymond to pathologize transsexualism just the way the bigots used to pathologize homosexuality.
I didn’t have it. Then they invent it and I’m supposed to have it? Doe that make any sense?
They could just as easily un-invent it with a new version of the DSM just like they de-pathologized homosexuality.
For what it is worth I believe homosexuality, transgenderism and transsexualism are all something people are born with.
Politically I am an Anarcha-Feminist transsexualism is something I had an operation for. I also happen to be a political lesbian, which means I’m bisexual who identifies as lesbian.
YeahFrankly, I try and leave the term ‘lesbian’ for lesbians to hash out before really trying to include myself, (Guess being bi helps there,) but saying transsexualism, however necessary to even have a chance of treatment (by proving you’re insane but can act like you aren’t for two years before paying out of pocket for the medically-necessary treatment) doesn’t make any more sense than when a Pope calls all queer people ‘objectively-disordered’ even when things make a whole lot more sense if you don’t assume all queer people are crazy.
For transsexuals, calling the condition and attendant dysphoria it an ‘identity disorder of gender’ is like calling kids with spina bifida ‘Agility-identity-disordered’ and making em prove they’re sick by pretending to already have been treated ‘until they’re old enough.’
Why Not Just Call It…Transsexualism.
There are way too many of us who have lived full and fulfilled lives for the “disorder” bit to play with anyone but the same Talivangelical right wingers who wish homosexuality was never de-pathologized.
The thing about the living for a year is discovery by doing, sorting it all out and discovering for yourself.
The difference between 1972 and after the inventing of GID was I had to show I wasn’t insane or disordered. Now people have to show they have a disorder.
All I had to do was cope with living and scraping the money together. Now people have to pay pshrinks.
Maybe saying Poof while waving the magic blue pencile over the manuscript of the next DSM and sending GID back to the fetid minds of the religious right and reparative therapists might be a good thing.
No, it’s not. Especially not if people most rely on for support are actively seeking your destruction.
Sex work to prove you aren’t a ‘pervert’ to some shrink is a funny way of showing survivability. What are they, pimps, now, taking their cut? Calling it medicine?
Interesting.
As for multiplicity, well, that doesn’t prove you aren’t trans, …except maybe to doctors, who do expect one to be two people. Most actual multiples I’ve met aren’t ‘two’ personalities, though. DID doesn’t exist to be a convenient ‘alternate diagnosis’ to ‘GID.’ If someone’s multiple, they’ll split into at least a few, more likely a half-dozen or dozen personalities.
Dissociation doesn’t happen to align with gender theory, no one’s. A lot of trans kids *are actually abused as though their real personality is to be subordinated to some ‘gender-appropriate’ one, though.
It doesn’t even mean they aren’t transsexuals, (even if it might disqualify them from treatment) …only that they were horribly abused for being one, or for some other reason.
Surgery can be key to healing body dysphoria, but it doesn’t magically-undo the kind of abuse that breaks people.
Half the ‘mythology’ about transsexualism and transgender is that you’re ‘two people.’ Maybe someone believed it.
Gatekeeping treatment for the gender and sex dysphoria harder wouldn’t have meant that Molly wouldn’t have killed herself. All it means is that whoever she was, it was never about her health. Only about ‘gatekeeping,’ financial or otherwise.
Yup.You’ve described my heart and mind down to the core on this issue, Dys. Nothing gets by you, does it?
Fundamentalist hatred isn’t driving me to stealth. Deep personal shame isn’t driving me to stealth. Getting my voice ignored because it isn’t lock-step is driving me into stealth. But what does it matter, right?
My exit = nothing of value lost.
Insert your last-word-for-community-points here, because we all know how great you are at ignoring emails and being backed by a me-too crowd. i promise not to refute it here, because i just don’t give a fuck anymore.
If whatever friendship we may have had ment anything tho, do me a final favor. If she forgets, remind Sandeen to threaten me with the trapdoor, just like she did to you when i defended you back then. It’d warm my heart.
If transgender wants respect, it needs to start giving respectThe main issue is Autumn’s reduction of all of transsexualism to a matter of how people “self identify”, despite anyone’s wishes, beliefs, or mounting scientific evidence. Which is to say, Autumn will allow us to be “transwomen”, not women, if we toe the transgender line and accept that Autumn has the power to grant or deny identity based on being a priestess in the transgender order. It’s about power and control.
This isn’t just a problem in the transgender area, its a problem with all dogmatic belief systems. The person who pushes their personal beliefs onto others can’t grasp that they aren’t expressing truth, they are asserting power over other individuals. Their belief system takes on a life of its own and begins to consume people who want nothing to do with it. This is a human failing, not a cause to be celebrated.
Autumn snidely refers to our genitals as a way of asserting that control:
“women-who-have-had-genital-reconstruction-surgery-to-create-vaginas”
Autumn won’t respect the reality of our lives or the condition we were born with. How can Autumn then demand that others respect the way Autumn “identifies”?
It isn’t about who can afford surgery or who is pretty or any of the other things thrown out there to distract. It is not about waving around credentials to see who is “real”. It is about the very real lives of people who are impacted by the false linking of our birth condition to same sex marriage issues and the whole slew of transgender abuse that is heaped on us by true believers of that religion. It is about the fact that some people are born different and we are being labeled, stigmatized and told we don’t exist. How is what Autumn does to us any different than what Blanchard, Zucker, or any of the rest does to us?
This whole thread is a monument to why it is necessary to recreate a separate category for “transsexual”. Minorities are usually ill-served by people that speak for them who are outside their minority category. Regardless of how people “identify” (what an insulting term), there exists a distinct category of people who suffer from a real biological issue that effectively destroys their lives until it is cured. This is what’s important to remember.
This shouldn’t be about some person’s crusade to raise themselves up at the expense of others. Our lives are more than simply a matter of how we “identify”. Our lives are real. Our issues are our own, and not the same as those who follow the TG path. It is not for the TG to assert their political will over us. And realizing these things, it is not for the TG pushers to destroy that difference in the public mind by erasing distinctions, erasing reality, in order to assure that we are the targets of the same discrimination they face- which wasn’t ours in the beginning and still isn’t to this day.
The fact that we even have to have these discussions at this point is an embarrassment for a transgender movement that is supposed to be based on respect. You want respect, you have to give respect. I’ll begin thinking about respecting the “transgender movement” when it stops talking about my genitals as a joke, or miracle of miracles, at all. They wouldn’t talk about other women’s crotches like that in public, why is it ok to do that to us? The list of grievances go on.
Our lives belong to each of us, individually. No political dogmatist owns any of us. We don’t owe allegiance to anyone, least of all people who would do us harm. And that means everyone here. If a cause is right and just, it doesn’t need to be forced onto other people. People will move toward a shining beacon of their own accord.
Think before you go any further down this path; there is an opportunity for real change that hasn’t existed before now. There are two paths. One leads somewhere good, and one leads nowhere. Which will it be?
UmI don’t identify as Transgendered, nor as GLB. But my identification of myself is wholly irrelevant to NOM, FOTF, etc etc. To them I’m a Freakazoid and ultra-ultra-ultra Gay.
I dislike injustice. Injustice to WBTs, to the Transgendered, injustice to leathermen and others who make my skin crawl, injustice to people just like me and people wholly unlike me.
I hang around this LGBT site because I like the company.
I tend to hang around more on non-LGBT women’s sites, sure, but I don’t see why that should be a disqualifier.
I was thinking the other dayYes, dangerous I know.
Trying to quantify my daily life.
60% Woman – social 50%, medical 5%, legal 5%
20% Trans – social 10%, medical 5%, legal 5%
20% Intersex – medical 15%, legal 5%
I’m also a Geek Girl, a parent, a PhD student…. I can genuinely forget I’m IS for long periods of time. Until I hit some legal stupidity, or have to go to see the endo again. I can pretend to be vanilla trans, just the way I can pretend to be a standard factory model female.
For most of my life though, I genuinely have no problems. “Passing privilege” it’s called. I think I’ve just been fortunate – or maybe I just don’t notice? Or maybe it’s because just as my biological sex is so far out from the norm it’s off the planet, my gender is really, really, pathetically stodgy prim and cis-gendered.
I think it really is all about appearance, and not reality.
ZoebYou are an ally though. This website is for LGBT and allies. We like having you around.
Just got down to here…but enjoying this thread immensely.Especially as retired MD. So far just gleaning great info about various feelings and attitudes…and problems associated with the trans state. Thanks to everyone.Now off to finish.
Yes, Judge Walker got very upset with anyone using any other term.But the Perry vx. Scharzenegger was not a case about even marriage…it is a case about equal rights protected under our Constitution. Only peripherally did it pertain to the right under question being that of … marriage. There is only the one term and only one definition, legally. 'Desire by two consenting adults to form a family unit.”So I would certainly hope it gets settle for ALL… and that then ALL of you are included under its findings, too.
Like this part….
…. and you know, that is exactly why/how we all started using the term MARRIAGE EQUALITY… but by gum… if Judge Walker didn’t skunk us all and make it the ONLY legally justifiable term! Even limiting it further to simply,
MARRIAGE. Period. END. “The desire by two consenting adults to form a family unit.” Completely unnecessary and legally in error to include or limit by any gender terminology AT ALL. You are all included!
Thank you SuzyQI am a lesbian of who has transsexed. I am proud of the soul searching and difficult personal struggles that have made me who I am. I wouldn’t wish my life’s struggles on anyone, but I would not trade having had them for any reason, whatsoever.
I know I am vulnerable, as I have family and friends who love me, and know my past. I seem to be charming enough…and genuine enough…to be accepted for who I truly am.
Of course, I am not a gay man, yet it hurts me when a friend of mine is slammed or even bashed for being gay.
I am not a cissexual lesbian, but I hurt when another friend who is discriminated against because she is.
I don’t identify as genderqueer, but I will defend someone who is being torn apart, inside or outside, for living as they feel they should.
I am definitely not a heterosexual woman, but I commiserate and comfort my straight female friends when they again feel the hand of sexism slap them…
If that’s not enough, we forget the people who love LGBT folks in all of this talk. It pains my father, my sister, and my family and friends when they see me or someone else they know to be LGBT get hurt.
Why? Because I am human, and I am bonded to other humans.
Welcome Taelyn….Having done a medical internship… before the new easy rules..and having a newborn at the time, I fully commiserate with sleepless nights! Best to do them with a finite timeline! Good luck to you.
And a friend.Truly Zoe is a wonderful person and friend. I know I couldn’t appreciate her more than I already do.
Ouch… you hit that nail RIGHT on the head…
Even if I had not been born transsexual…. there is no way I can agree with the majority of the posters here. I am not Gay or Lesbian, just a woman going through life and trying really hard to mind my own business amongst a community of people who want to mind my business for me and tell me what is best for me.
To hell with you all. Where do you get the nerve to shout me down when you are misrepresenting my born condition to the world as some sort of fetish crusade tied to a deep seated homosexuality.
Why must my life be tied to the GLB when I am neither Gay, Lesbian or Bisexual? Simply because I was born with male genitalia? What freaking business of that is yours that you seem to think it necessary that I support your causes which I find repugnant and counter productive!
It is no wonder you lot are so discriminated against. You really need to grow up and act like the women you say you are. Take your transgender crusade and shove it where the sun don’t shine and quit telling me I am one of you, for believe me, I couldn’t and wouldn’t be one of you for all the tea in China!
Marriage equality isn’t just etc.I’m almost afraid to join this fray, but, the fundamental right to marry is bigger than any sectarian squabble. It’s every person’s problem if discrimination of any kind were to become enshrined in our constitution. If one group can be discriminated against, then any group potentially can, because the precedent will have been set. We’re supposed to learn this in school–that the constitution protects and guarantees our
shared rights. Just the fact that one group thought they could single out another group to have their equal rights put to a vote shows how outrageously uniformed much of the public is. If you hate a group so much that you would be willing to oppress them by attacking our constitution, then you will ultimately end up goring your own ox. If for no other reason, if you care about your rights, you should rush to defend the rights of others, no matter who they are, otherwise it may be one of your rights going down the drain of precedent the next time around.
Exactly.And she isn’t going around complaining about TEH TRANSGENDERZ.
Suck it up?Ana, many of us cannot afford SRS for literally years and years. We sacrifice, penny pinch, cut corners, do everything we can to make that distant dream a reality. Then you look back at us struggling to get to where you sacrificed a small part of your savings.
Instead of offering real help, instead of saying inspiring words, your advice is “Suck it up?”
I am having a very hard time not calling elitists like you part of the problem. So sit on your vaginaplasty and tell me with a straight face again how I have to “Suck it up.”
Again, fighting the urge to use profanity,
Zoey Elizabeth Sloane
Then go away.If you are so much better than “us”
Go
Go away
Go away as fast as you can
Well,They can just get over themselves, because I’m here, I’m queer, I’m a gay, some-op, transgender transsexual man…and there’s nothing they can do about it.
So I am an Elitists ?? Cause I encourage you to work harder ? I think you got your definitions all screwed up.. Elitists are like i am rich an your not so deal with it… Before you go off on me zoey, you dont know my story but i bet yours is very similar to mine. Seems So many of us are more alike than we wish to be. I took me 15 years to save an scrimp Zoey 15 GD years to amass that 20,000 dollars in cash. 5 of which were after transIition and severe reduction in income and support from anyone. 9K dollars a year is what i lived on for 3 of the 5 and managed to save another 1,000 a year. I could have made more being on Social security Disablity but i didnt feel i was entitled to such a thing. Nor have i or will i ever feel like i am disabled enough to apply. I can always find work even if it minimum wage. Or Day labor with the laborers who hang out at homedepot in the early morning hours. Which i did many times to meet the rent of my room and enough to eat for the day. I have been there done that Poor thing Zoey and to that i say to YOU IF THERE IS A WILL You will find a way..
So go on an curse me hate me i dont care.. What i do care is that you reach your dreams and goals an stop waiting for someone to save you or do it for you.. Find a way ..
You want help ?? That is the best help anyone can ever give you is to encourage you to find a way.. If someone gives you something its nice an all but stuff you earn and make yourself you cherish much more..
You can be all you want to be and how you want to be it. Just you have to do it no one is going to do it for you. And the longer you wait for someone the less likely you will ever get off your but and do it. So get going and suck it up and do what you have to do .. if that makes me an elitist i am cool with it but I don’t think it does.
NoSo because there are people who are not mentally stable, everyone needs to be gatekept? How about Johnny joines the army and commits atrocities? How about Johnny gets married and they have a kid and lives are ruined? No gatekeeping there. Why are we different?
The proof of the uselessness of gatekeeping exists right now because the HBSOC gate is a gate without a fence. The standard treatment option for young people now is hormones from inhousepharmacy and then head to Thailand for SRS. People still, of course, get therapy. But they get it on their terms, about their issues, and if and only if they feel they need it.
And this has been happening for almost a decade, so where are these problems the control maniac shrinks warn us about?
OMFGSo let me look at some of your excuses for your elitism.
First off, you don’t need to be rich to be an elitist. Technically speaking, even if you make 400 bucks a month in the US you are in the top 20% of the world’s wealthiest people. But just in the US itself, if your household has an income of 100K or more, you are in the top 10% of the wealthiest in the nation, and, therefore, rich. If your household in the US makes 50K a year, then you are in the top 30% of the wealthiest in the nation, and, therefore, rich.
15 years you say? 9K a year, you say? What years, by chance. So we can look at the effective purchasing power of your dollars then and how much that translates into in terms of today’s dollars.
I’m living on half of what you had, assuming that its relatively recent (with in the last ten years), so, by the same standard, you should be giving me 30 years before you open your trap.
Day laborers at the Home Depot here are relatively few — three or four at most now, since people are so wound up about the law. You see, its illegal to transport someone for the purpose of day labor who might be here illegally. And since you can’t tell if someone is here illegally by looking at them, and people don’t generally want to go there, there’s no more day laborer work here.
Not to mention they have a weird thing about girl’s doing day labor here — seems no one wants to hire a gal for the job. SO that’s out of the question.
Minimum wage jobs here are all service based, and usually high customer contact, and no one is going hire someone who doesn’t look to them like they think someone should for a girl or a boy. SO are you going to next recommend that someone give up living as themselves and return to living as a guy when that’s going to place their ability to get SRS in jeopardy?
I love how you say “find a way” — which immediately suggest to all who see it that you don’t think she is doing all she can. An idea that you literally don’t have any position or authority to be a judge about. That’s classism, there, and is why you get that charge of elitism. You aren’t living in her situation or in her life, and yet you presume to immediately assume sh’es just not trying hard enough because of the false assumption that since you did it, anyone can.
Well, woman, since Obama was elected, anyone can. Why aren’t you president? Why aren’t you a billionaire? Why aren’t you living on an island in the lap of luxury? For that matter, why aren’t most trans folk all millionaires and college graduates? I mean, hey, after all, they can do it, right? Some of them even have done it — Sirius Radio, anyone?
Glad to here you are cool with it, though, because it does make you an elitist.
Well…SuzyQ,
THe problem is that you are ascribing your experiences in a relatively localized area and in a specific community to the entire nation.
That’s the same mistake that’s being challenged here, and, well, its slightly revisionist.
Factually, even the APA admits those days were like that, as do most of the few practitioners around from that period. That’s indicative that what’s described above is was very much a common theme, save for a few handful of places where it might have been a little less restrictive.
TO your point, though, there absolutely were some places where it was not like that — if you had the luxury of knowing the right people.
Thank you for your comments.When you said trans on trans relationships made you feel incestuous that made me jump back a bit. But I understand that how you feel and what you think it is are two different things. Better choice of words next time perhaps?
I don’t know how I would get on without her.
We have been together six years and we are happy and not all incestuous.
Yes, some gay men are less than kind, but we seem like we’re from another planet to some gay men. I have gay male friends who are cool and I respect who they are and they respect me. Don’t make the mistake of grouping all gay men in one group, after all we are all individuals with individual experiences.
We hear you on the damage, but it makes us who we are too.
Take care.
Yeah,
What a bastard that boss is, indeed.
But, if Vandy Bell is who I was pretty sure I saw on the news, she actually doesn’t seem to have big passing problems to begin with, appearance-wise, at least. But, either way, being considered attractive doesn’t always open doors: sometimes, that may even be a problem: if you think of the fact that you can show photos of both cis and trans people, and the reaction to the same appearances is very different if you tell them someone’s a transperson.
Employers that know this may even find it threatens their worldview if they do find someone they know from background checks is a transwoman attractive, being afraid it ‘makes them gay.’
I won’t begrudge any sister surgery, from whatever source, but that’s one thing these talk shows and media portrayals make a lot of money doing, and that’s pretending money isn’t the number one issue for most transpeople. They ought to do that more.
The rest of the world still likes to think it’s all about ‘the decision,’ and then bang one-stop in by ten out by five ‘sex change’ surgery. The part they’re interested in is about sitting in judgment and all.
The fact is that the Standards of Care and all constitute something of a trap for too many: to avoid paying what’s a small cost to society and even insurance companies, the process (pathologization, the ‘gatekeeping’ ordeal combined with lack of access to treatment,) creates far greater ones; a smoother and more expeditious treatment when I first transitioned, say, by the government, would have been made back in taxes alone with me working just a few years, even at low-paying jobs. Or by the private sector in continuing to have a customer.
That’s without considering the value of lost work, or all those expenses of uninsured people, or the cost of homelessness and the effect of that on physical and mental health, the appalling rates of PTSD among transwomen stuck in transition for years on end, not to mention anxiety disorders, depression, substance abuse, suicide… all things with great human and financial cost that result from the simple fact that while the Standards of Care are an OK way to go about it, the adversarialness of the process combined with discrimination and the burden of paying for the ordeal are very damaging to lower-income transwomen, especially in harder economic times.
(As for suicide, When people use a few post-op suicides to justify the gatekeeping, for one, they aren’t comparing them to the rate of pre-op suicides or other negative outcomes for those who don’t manage to get the money and all together, never mind the erased lives of those who never came out or appeared in ‘the system’ at all, … and furthermore, everyone assumes that post-op suicide means the transwoman regrets the procedure and wasn’t ‘really’ transsexual, when the simple fact is, we aren’t made of iron and many of us have had really hard lives. Sometimes they continue to be hard after surgery, as in the case of that famous sportscaster whose name I’m forgetting. There seems to be something akin to ‘postpartum depression’ at work at times, too: if one has to put so much into even getting treatment, there isn’t always a lot left after the ordeal. )
The process needs to be more oriented toward accepting the realities of transsexualism and other forms of ‘the transgender experience,’ and toward doing as little harm as possible and making the treatment expeditious and supportive of being well-adapted to life.
Transwomen need to not be afraid that seeking treatment for anxiety or depression or trauma would disqualify them for surgery. (How do you like that, paying out of pocket for shrinks and having to hide mental health conditions: there have been improvements in this regard, but the fear still exists.) Especially given the societal scorn we also deal with, having to raise a big heap of money to pay gatekeepers is not treatment, it’s an ordeal.
And I think a more-supportive model would be better all around. Early treatment, expeditious, honest, and covered by whatever means. Investment in transpeople, especially because we seem to be a significantly smarter-than average population, (at least if we survive childhood, I add) would give a lot of returns for really very little, and take a lot of expenses out of the liabilities column. It’s so with a lot of medical conditions. But especially ours. Cause the sooner we’re treated, the sooner we’re productive, and the longer it takes, that may indeed reduce our capacities.
It’s the Catch-22s that are unhealthy, though, not even really the ‘Standards of Care.’
Take care of yourself, btw, sis. It’s not an easy time in history for anyone to necessarily have a sunny attitude about employment possibilities.
Go Away ?Oh that it where that easy!
Tell you what Dena, how about you go away first?
You have all the mouth, your the one’s screaming for your perceived rights, your the ones who want to be othered as something not quite this and not quite that.
Well, you succeeded! Congratulations.
…. and different does not equal better, although I am sure that concept is lost on someone as indoctrinated to a cause as you are.
Saying you are, though…Does equal you saying you are better.
And you did, Leigh.
In Re Suzan Cooke, WBT and HBSI think that EnoughNonSense’s quotes of Suzan Cooke need to be set in context.
The term Harry Benjamin Syndome has more than one meaning/usage. When I use the term in reference to my own transsexuality, I’m not adopting all the nuances the radical trans separatists do when they use the term. I really don’t care if they coined the term (coinage does not imply ownership of semiotic evolution), I find it useful to strip the non-usefuil meanings that associate it with separatism, and use it as a way to refer to transsexuality as a medical condition and not a mental disorder.
I would suggest that perhaps Suzy’s use of the term as quoted in an affirming way is in a similar context, and her use of the term as quoted in a non-affirming way is using it with its full separatist connotations.
My view of the term HBS is similar to the way I view the TS-Si website – useful in so many ways, particularly on the science, but I have to caution anyone I refer there to take the separatist social commentary cum granum salis.
Which *is* what happened to me in 1970I was not quite 17 years old. I had read Christine Jorgensen’s autobiography, and realized that I was not alone. I was able to see a psychiatrist locally on Staten Island, associated with the HIP (for medical insurance). After 6 months I was told that I couldn’t be transsexual because I was attracted to girls. I was otherwise in a vacuum, I did not know I was supposed to lie to get treatment. I went into assimilation-mode until I was 45, when I discovered usenet as my assimilation mask started to break down.
Right. I didn’t mean to make that term sound demeaning or scary: sorry about that.
I meant primarily to say that to me, it’s like how it doesn’t even occur to one to sleep with her actual siblings, is all, which seems to be actually how I relate to other sisters… Very like actual sisters. I wasn’t trying to say ‘This should be taboo! It just doesn’t occur to me. 
As a bi person, it’s a little unusual to reflect that depending how you class people, there’s a sex I may actually never relate to in that way. It does make me wonder if that’s how secure straights feel about people of the same sex.
The first time I met a couple who were both MtFs, I was just kind of surprised: the possibility hadn’t even occurred to me. The thought process was more like, “Oh, you two are together, together. Hrm. I didn’t know that happens. :) ”
Too bad…This from a person who uses the term transgender as an insult, and to mean, specifically, someone who is still a man, and, notably, a man in a dress.
Which is important to be aware of, since that knoweldge changes the understanding of the statements. Le’ts see how that comes out.
It significantly points out the hypocrisy of this statement, since the assertion regarding transgender is that they are not, in fact, transsexual (thus requiring that separation) and, therefore, just men in dresses:
So she can get away with snidely referring to other transsexuals who don’t agree with her as men, but Autumn, of course, is specifically forbidden from doing the above.
And then we have an point of view that is completely outside the reality of most trans folks lived experience, and yet she cites the lived experience of a few as requiring primacy in activism when she states:
There is no linking of same sex marriage (a distinctly anti-gay phraseology for someone who is, by all accounts, very supportive in general) to a brith condition, for one. SO there cannot be a false linking, as she asserts, and it’s also not a link that’s been made, so that’s a doubly deceptive statement.
There is, however, a linking of the way that trans people are treated in society to the way gay people are treated in society (which, of course, is the point of Autumn’s post in the first place, and apparently completely escaped Aria).
So, keeping this failure to note the difference between those two things, she supports this concept of how she is different from what she considers men in dresses — people who, according to her, are just hyper sexualized people, and which other folks in her sphere of influence have characterized as deviants and similar deeply wrong things — being separated from transsexual — and yet the people she is arguing with – the people she most frequently accuses of not being transsexual, include, by name, Autumn, who is, in fact, a transsexual.
So we have a transsexual saying that the issues are linked and another transsexual saying that they are not linked. But then we have the one saying they are not linked saying that Autumn isn’t a transsexual.
She then says that the term “identify” is insulting — yet she’s strongly doing so witht he concept of transsexual.
Now, there’s another factor here, that she touches on, and it’s important to look at it clearly.
FIrst off, she makes several references to a biological condition, something that people are born as. She then makes several other references to curing that biological condition — to curing something she was born as.
This is, at it’s core, the basics of pathologization, and the means by which control is asserted over groups dependent on the medical community for care, as well as furthering the wider stigma of being “sick” or “ill” that is one of the things that Autumn is fighting against — the perceptionof Trans people as needing to be cured, because you only need to cure something that is wrong.
In other words, she is saying that something is wrong with being transsexual. Literally.
Going back to the earlier points, let’s see how she carries forward with this:
I’ve read something very much like that on a TVC site. In arguments against marriage, and in arguments against ENDA.
And remember, that she’s specifically labeled Autumn as a TG — as a man in a dress. She wouldn’t dare do so here, of course, but absolutely has on her own site and in the comments on others.
In closing, she beseeches:
So what are those two paths?
The path that Autumn is speaking to — which means inclusion of all persons who might be gender variant to differing degrees, under the awarenss that they share a common social oppression?
Or hers. where she’s given free reign to continue to demonize other trans people just because she thinks they are icky?
She’s right, though — it is your choice, and one should think before one decides.
Wait a minute, here. While I agree that often the LGBT community gives short shrift to the pain that actually comes with being born TS, let me read this back to you, Aria:
“This whole thread is a monument to why it is necessary to recreate a separate category for “transsexual”. Minorities are usually ill-served by people that speak for them who are outside their minority category. ”
These two statements would seem to be in conflict: since, really, most people in the world are outside the TS category.
These threads too often seem to become a monument to identity politics: what they demonstrate, though, is that in order to hold some of these ‘women of history’ positions against LBGT rights, one has to start defining others in terms of ‘who is and who isn’t a real transsexual.’
Soon you ladies end up saying, ’Anyone who disagrees with this must not be a ‘real transsexual,’ or a ‘real woman, woman, woman!’ which behavior is really one reason I don’t do my activism through ‘transsexual’ organizations: too much elitism and conformity-pressure, and, frankly, too many of the ladies who actually succeed either being gone or being very unhelpful. Especially if someone’s not one of we ‘classic’ TSes, they don’t need the pressure to conform to someone else’s model of ‘only this being real.’
They need a safe place to find out.
It’s all very nice for we ‘classic TSes’ to have a procedure to get all nice and legal and all, but the moment you put it on the table where someone else can judge whether you’re a ‘real woman, real TS or real citizen,’ then those very people ‘outside the minority’ just took your power to decide.
I’m ‘classic,’ and pass well: I deserve surgery. Right?
Oh, wait a minute. By whose standards do I pass well? Mine? Yours? What about ‘classics’ with the same pain that are 6’2? Maybe you’d say no. How about six foot even? 5’10? 5’8?
What next? Are we back to having to be 100 percent straight? Attractive but largely-unsexual? Demure? Conservative? Never speaking up except at other transpeople? What then? Feigning bad driving? Ignorance of practical skills? Throwing brain-sex tests? Hiding any math ability? Afraid to not-oppose anti-gay bigotry for fear of ‘being associated’ with gay stigmas you end up strengthening till the day something catches up? Slipping doctors borrowed XX blood samples when you get sick?
Treating this like a ‘competition’ only results in a different kind of caricature. So, no thanks.
The point here is:
Do you think that a court of law will uphold your rights if you make them negotiable?
What if it’s a jury deciding if you’re a ‘real woman?’ A ‘real TS?’ Thus ‘Really married’ in a place where only ‘a man and a woman’ can be?
Ask Nikki Araguz. She’s had everything going for her, and what does she get.
Equality for any and all, particularly is what takes away incentive and ability to hurt us. Even takes away incentive to take someone from ‘stealth’ to national headlines. There to be subject to all that stigma you’re trying to distance us from by, really, reinforcing.
Help?I never said I wanted help, nor would I accept it from Ms. “Suck it up.”
How about thinking next time BEFORE you engage your mouth?
Good LordI just read your post, Ana. You use so many cliches that mean absolutely nothing, I started to think I was talking to my crazy Aunt Linda. But that can’t be true, can it? ……Linda? Is that you? Did you take your pills today, dear?
This assumes everything goes right.That conservative trope about ‘It just takes work,’ (especially if you were employed for ten years as a man,) …the whole ‘Pull yourself up by your bootstraps’ doesn’t help if they take away your boots and anywhere to pull yourself up to.
I finished high school as a runaway, because even my pre-transition ‘boy’ persona, which I considered pretty good, wasn’t enough for me to survive the abuse at home, not to mention the priests at school that weren’t on the make considering me ‘trouble,’ working what jobs were left after for years, my own family was sabotaging all careful efforts at independence, …and I still got into top schools with honors and scholarships up the wazoo.
I had to choose state university just because the scholarships would cover everything but living… Until the conservatives changed the deal, and, not wanting to ‘raise tuition,’ which merit scholarships would cover, …raised ‘fees’ beyond reach so they wouldn’t.
To make a long sob-story short, I made a go of it. Bad things and hard times befell the situation. I transitioned just in time for a recession, got my butt kicked, had to end up back dependent on an abusive ’traditional family’ just to keep myself off the street, …and I didn’t come out, it was beaten out of me in my own hard-earned home cause I was trying to save my and my partner’s future.
It turned into a siege, losing everything I’d worked for, and being homeless and on the run. I didn’t even qualify for disability, because despite having been working since the moment it was legal, I hadn’t paid in enough… Didn’t get any Welfare *because a bigot at the office claimed Janice Raymond and Jerry Falwell’s law against us meant ‘we don’t serve your kind here’ when I said why I couldn’t get anything from my family and in fact was hiding from them.
I tried to work, was unable to get legit jobs because credit agencies in Texas wouldn’t recognize my legal identity because I had to spend that time hiding, and demanded money to consider not telling every employer or place to stay that I was a fraudulent identity. I scrounged. Starved. Other things. Like living with people I didn’t want to sleep with. I got pneumonia. I lived way too long on epinephrine inhalers just to breathe while hauling my traumatized tranny arse around finding food and trying to do anything I could, …in a constant state of adrenal overload from PTSD, which I couldn’t get even the available treatment for because to what charitable care was available, I was either a ‘sinner’ or supposed to defend a TS diagnosis and educate doctors about being a TS while the immediate problem was a near-constant panic attack.
It’s hard to make lemonade out of that.
That was just like the first two or three years. It was a long road since then.
Right now I’m about 40, trying to pick up where I kind of left off at age 17. I’ve learned a lot, and, frankly, surgery started making it bearable some fifteen years ago, not just for my state of mind, but actually, I think, hormonally. Pretty nice life, really. Still afraid that I’m just one or two misfortunes away from losing everything. Again. Much of that time in between has been working for years to get my head above water, and finding that again,all it takes is one bigot or exploiter’s whim to take it all away.
I’m still afraid all the time. And tired. Older, physically-weakened for real. Even if I wasn’t, I’d be trying to compete with normals with complete work records that aren’t a tatter of a poor TS’s life, in a time when the jobs aren’t even there for regular able-bodied people.
Don’t tell me about bootstraps. My boots have a lot of mileage on em. The straps rarely did me much good at defying physics.
This assumes everything goes right.That conservative trope about ‘It just takes work,’ (especially if you were employed for ten years as a man,) …the whole ‘Pull yourself up by your bootstraps’ doesn’t help if they take away your boots and anywhere to pull yourself up to.
I finished high school as a runaway, because even my pre-transition ‘boy’ persona, which I considered pretty good, wasn’t enough for me to survive the abuse at home, not to mention the priests at school that weren’t on the make considering me ‘trouble,’ working what jobs were left after for years, my own family was sabotaging all careful efforts at independence, …and I still got into top schools with honors and scholarships up the wazoo.
I had to choose state university just because the scholarships would cover everything but living… Until the conservatives changed the deal, and, not wanting to ‘raise tuition,’ which merit scholarships would cover, …raised ‘fees’ beyond reach so they wouldn’t.
To make a long sob-story short, I made a go of it. Bad things and hard times befell the situation. I transitioned just in time for a recession, got my butt kicked, had to end up back dependent on an abusive ’traditional family’ just to keep myself off the street, …and I didn’t come out, it was beaten out of me in my own hard-earned home cause I was trying to save my and my partner’s future.
It turned into a siege, losing everything I’d worked for, and being homeless and on the run. I didn’t even qualify for disability, because despite having been working since the moment it was legal, I hadn’t paid in enough… Didn’t get any Welfare *because a bigot at the office claimed Janice Raymond and Jerry Falwell’s law against us meant ‘we don’t serve your kind here’ when I said why I couldn’t get anything from my family and in fact was hiding from them.
I tried to work, was unable to get legit jobs because credit agencies in Texas wouldn’t recognize my legal identity because I had to spend that time hiding, and demanded money to consider not telling every employer or place to stay that I was a fraudulent identity. I scrounged. Starved. Other things. Like living with people I didn’t want to sleep with. I got pneumonia. I lived way too long on epinephrine inhalers just to breathe while hauling my traumatized tranny arse around finding food and trying to do anything I could, …in a constant state of adrenal overload from PTSD, which I couldn’t get even the available treatment for because to what charitable care was available, I was either a ‘sinner’ or supposed to defend a TS diagnosis and educate doctors about being a TS while the immediate problem was a near-constant panic attack.
It’s hard to make lemonade out of that.
That was just like the first two or three years. It was a long road since then.
Right now I’m about 40, trying to pick up where I kind of left off at age 17. I’ve learned a lot, and, frankly, surgery started making it bearable some fifteen years ago, not just for my state of mind, but actually, I think, hormonally. Pretty nice life, really. Still afraid that I’m just one or two misfortunes away from losing everything. Again. Much of that time in between has been working for years to get my head above water, and finding that again,all it takes is one bigot or exploiter’s whim to take it all away.
I’m still afraid all the time. And tired. Older, physically-weakened for real. Even if I wasn’t, I’d be trying to compete with normals with complete work records that aren’t a tatter of a poor TS’s life, in a time when the jobs aren’t even there for regular able-bodied people.
Don’t tell me about bootstraps. My boots have a lot of mileage on em. The straps rarely did me much good at defying physics.
hmmDo you still have to lie to get treatment?
YesIn some places you still do have to lie to get treatment. More is known about transsexualism now, but many therapists still don’t know much about it. It’s a big reason that while I can, I still refuse to go totally stealth even though I’m finished with my transition. Education is the key. And most therapists and MD’s are not trained to deal with trans clients.
‘Will?’ Sorry about the repeat post there. Not sure how that happened: but as regards this.
“You want help ?? That is the best help anyone can ever give you is to encourage you to find a way.. If someone gives you something its nice an all but stuff you earn and make yourself you cherish much more..”
Bullfeathers.
The ‘best help’ is usually whatever little thing you need at the time.
Occasionally that is a little kick in the butt, but it’s not the panacea conservative ideology claims it is.
Pretending it is is just kicking everyone in sight and hoping some will credit you for it.
Help is what helps, not a ‘test of worthiness.’
What keeps people down is usually a thousand little things. When I had the ‘transition from some Christian Hell’ …a month or so of help with everything: A safe place to live, a few dollars worth of amoxycillin, (instead of ‘suck it up,’) …would have been better than twenty years of talk and occasional piecemeal ‘help.’
The funny thing about my first few years of homelessness is that I actually won. I could barely breathe and I was subject to violence in the place I was staying on a daily basis, but I was hired. Lesbian-owned business, a salary that was an unheard of sum to me… All I had to do was turn up.
Only problem was I didn’t know it. And they didn’t know it. Both the insane person I was sheltering with that winter and the biological family that finally tracked me down to try and ‘convert’ me lied to those employers, I heard it on both occasions. In the case of the violent person I had to live with, Gods know why: in the case of the family, refusal to acknowledge my name or existence while I was basically in captivity with them. I’d given a forwarding number for those employers.
Three dollars worth of antibiotics… Back on the street, or near to it.
You gotta be ‘rich’ to think it’s about nothing but ‘will.’
Reality is, sister, sometimes they cut the fricking bootstraps.
This isn’t all that muchReally. Its definitely a glimpse into some of the internecine conflicts, but there is one related to this that’s even bigger a hullaballoo.
And that’s the question of whether drag queens are part of Trans or not.
leigh_womanofhistory…You can run but you can’t hide.
Your history will follow you via credit reports and public records. There is no way to hide this information.
So you identify as straight. That’s fine with me. But don’t put down other ‘women of history’ and ‘men of history’ because they do identify as LGBT.
According to public records and credit histories, you likely once had a M on your birth certificate and in your credit history. You likely also had a name change. That’s a public record and is, or will likely be, available via background searches.
As much as you would like to, you CANNOT totally deny your past. It will come back to haunt you at some time in the future. You may want to avoid identifying with the transsexual population. But like it or not, you are part of it.
And, for what it’s worth, I am also a ‘woman of history’. I was fortunate that I was able to find a way to afford the necessary surgeries. That doesn’t mean that it’s right to put down others that don’t have those means or those that weren’t fortunate enough to have a small body structure.
Maybe you should look into the possibility of therapy to deal with your denial issues.
Meanwhile, those of us that aren’t busy trying to hide our past will continue to fight for the rights of everyone including YOU.
Painful teachingsThat transwomen of all kinds seem to internalize too often, even as we’re supposed to ‘prove through competition how womanly we are’ do much include the notion that ‘This abuse is supposed to toughen you up. You’re supposed to be invulnerable, especially if you want to defy us.’
‘Suck it up,’ they say. ‘Buy our premises.’
No.
This is the surreal thing about the MtF condition: Are you tough enough to be allowed to cry? Are you a ‘traditional female’ enough to stand utterly alone with everyone throwing shots at you? Saying, ’Prove you’re feminine by acting masculine, or we’ll start calling you a ‘man,’ which we wouldn’t do when you were actually trying to play along and we were beating the crap out of you?’
I mean. What?
What it is, is this: we’re just used for anyone with a theory or notion of gender or sexual hangups …to hang whatever thing on.
Try and comply with the abuse and ‘suck it up,’ like the Christians say, …they call you a wuss. ’Not a man, so you should be abused.’ Channel more of the Morrigan than anyone was particularly expecting in junior high, ‘That means you’re a male, so accept more abuse on that basis. How dare you fight back?’
Whatever.
Like the song says, ’Life ain’t easy for a boy named Sue.’
Actually Stanford wasn’t that uniqueAt our office, the NTCU we had a list of some 40 university Med Centers and private Surgeons doing SRS. Including Granato and Rish in NYC.
Thousand and thousands got SRS and we were rarely like the mythological stereotype we are presented as having been.
It wasn’t a conservative era. Not like it has been for the last 30 years. It was an era of hippies, Gay Liberation, Feminism and Lesbian Liberation. Androgynous clothing, long hair on guys, Alan Alda and real men who ate quiche.
Most of the “couldn’t do it then” was internal.
No one can do it until they are willing to overcome their fears of doing it.
Look we thought that by about 1980 we would stop seeing older people in the surgery programs because by then the back log from before 1970 would have passed through the pipe line.
Instead the exact same mix of people are in the support groups going through it at the same points in their lives.
For what it is worth: I was part of Weatherman. a hippie with a deserter boyfriend, openly bisexual and open about doing sex work. It surprised no one including Dr. Laub when I came out as lesbian because I was such a serious feminist.
Aria, you’re wrong on history.To quote MLK Jr from Why We Can’t Wait:
He also stated:
So, when you wrote…
…you’re stating opinion relating to freedom, equality, and justice, but that opinion isn’t rooted in history — rooted in the opinions of those making the civil rights history.
To quote MLK Jr. again:
And…
I know I’m dedicated non-conformist committed to the freedom of the whole human race.
But going back to the point of the piece this comment thread belongs to…
Marriage equality, Aria, is your issue, whether you like it or not. Separate your self from those who identify as transgender if you wish, and say horrid things about transgender people (and the transgender diversity perspective that the term “gender identity or expression” seeks to encompass) — heck, even misgender me and call me names in your won blog because you dislike my embracing of the transgender identity — but because most in the religious right, some feminists, and some courts in some states not seeing genital reconstruction surgery as doing anything for the those who identify with Harry Benjamin Syndrome, or who identify as true transsexuals, classic transsexuals, women of operative history, etc., your peers and you have a potential marital problem. The heterosexual relationships of you and your peers enter into will be perceived by many of those on the religious right, some feminists, and some courts in some states as same-sex relationships. Your surgery is not perceived by most in the religious right, some feminists, and some courts in some states to cure what folk on the religious right call yours (and my) “gender confusion.”
And whatever you do, don’t live in Texas, Tennessee, Florida, or Kansas, where courts have ruled your female sex isn’t…well, let me again just quote just what the Supreme Court Of The State Of Kansas stated:
You can complain about my transgender identified peers and me all you want to for all your peers and your potential ills — but it doesn’t change that marriage equality is your peers and your issue, whether you like that or not.
And, it isn’t your issue because my peers and I made marriage equality your peers and your issue. The religious right, some feminists, and some courts in some states have made it your peers and your issue because they don’t recognize your peers and you as being legitimately women — whether you like that set of facts or not.
Of Course Drag Queens Are Part of TransI just love it when Transgender Inc carries on about how transgender folks were at Stonewall and then has big debates as to whether or not drag queens are Trans.
If they aren’t trans then stop claiming transgender participation in Stonewall.
I can even addThere’s probably a reason that no matter how TS I was, I always identified with the tomboys, ‘brains,’ and babydykes. I knew my self and my body, but the ‘traditional roles’ girls were supposed to adhere to were crap. Triviality, gossip, social nast, superficiality, appeasement of idiots.
Just the same kind of thing that competitive ‘passing privilege’ is. Like appeasing would-be-alpha males does any good. Even for them, it was about ‘passing,’ not living.
‘Passing’ as a lie. Whatever your plumbing. ‘I’m a girl’ was always something I knew, but I also knew I was never that kind of girl.
And I’m not that kind of woman now.
Understand?
It’s 1969, OK?Interesting thing is, one of those ‘drag queens’ who was there, in those times…. Actually lived a long time and actually said some things. About, despite being at home in the drag scene, always having lived and seen herself as a woman. At the time, whoever you were, that was ‘our place.’
Unless, maybe, you could pay Harry Benjamin or a few others personally.
Was she transsexual, ‘transgender?’ DQ? Yes. Likely all three. Or one of the former two.
One thing’s for sure, she stood up when definitions were the least of our worries.
Oh, please…Every time I read anything written by the HBS crowd, all I can think is that their point of view is a combination of privilege (one built on a house of cards, no less), classism, homophobia, genophobia, and paranoia. Why on Earth does being a straight woman preclude being an ally to equality? I mean, there are plenty of straight cis women out there who are on board with this and they don’t think it impugns their identity as women. What the hell is the problem?
Oh, and for what it’s worth, Nikki Araguz sounds just like one of the HBS crowd, and look where that’s got her.
It’s a funny thing, butI have no particular reason to believe I was all that tolerant in my last life. Funny thing is, I have no strong impression one way or another.
Maybe I’m one of those living out bad karma right now.
Frankly, I think I just wasn’t looking.
Whatever is the case, don’t ‘darken your soul’ over it.
Maybe I ‘deserve’ this. Even if so, maybe you don’t.
If any of this is true, it’s not about ‘fervent wishes,’ vengeance or punishment, it’s about one day not needing any. And in the meantime doing better.
Not that I wouldn’t like to introduce certain people to certain lessons, myself.
Just remember what you’re fighting for, and that’s not the fight itself.
One thing I can tell you about karma is: sometimes what we think is so all-fired important in our minds isn’t the important part.
Don’t get lost. Wishing for Savranarola to reappear with a tutu fixation may in fact actually work, to judge by the state of some monotheist clergy these days, but doesn’t necessarily learn em nothing. :)
Indoctrinated?To what?
Marsha P. Johnson……has been identified as a drag queen, and was among the Stonewall Uprising transgender activists.
Sylvia Rivera is also considered a transgender activist; she was present and participated in the Stonewall Uprising. From her obit:
I “own” them — in the sense that Marsha and Sylvia are part of my community’s history.
Autumn:Maybe from me you’ll hear this: because I do back your position, but do mention that even transwomen can run on other speeds than ‘All-out,’ ‘Stop,’ and ‘Idle.’
I know I’m dedicated non-conformist committed to the freedom of the whole human race.
So am I. But take it from an old punker: ’Non-conformity’ isn’t the point. Non-conformists need a sense of self, and tribe, too. Not everything these ‘Women of history’ types say is wrong. Being a more-or-less regular TS matters to me, too.
No, I don’t think that defending that means it’s somehow a good idea to dissociate ourselves by definition from LGBT rights, not on any basis, but this stuff matters.
I think it’s foolish, but I know that in order to be free to live as someone like me, we must also be free to not be so.
In your zeal, you do occasionally at least seem accept the likes of Leigh’s definitions of what it means to be a ‘classic TS.’
We’re not used to our opponents being reasonable at all, and that defines too much of all LGBT people when we actually have reasonable concerns with each other.
I actually share much of the experience Leigh and company try and defend here. I disagree almost entirely with their conclusions as regards politics,law, and the rest of the trans and GLB communities, but if we want to embrace diversity and commonality, from that point of view, they are part of it.
As was I to one extent or another at various times.
If this is worth arguing about, we need to pay attention to each other. Yes, it’s mostly these ‘TS separatists’ who keep dragging all this stuff out, but… the answer isn’t gainsaying TSes.
If we care for each other, understand our genitals aren’t and don’t have to be political.
If I hadn’t gotten my chance at surgery when I did, I had a little plan to do the job with a sharp knife, a note on my chest, and other details I wouldn’t want to elaborate on lest anyone else try it: I estimated a sixty-five percent chance of success, and about ten percent chance I would survive and wouldn’t pass out before being able to frustrate reattachment. And I knew exactly who I was. I got my miracle.
Remember, Autumn, that these are sisters. For too many, it’s just about ‘getting out of pain,’ and the last thing they want to hear is that in fact all the social pain about it can come back at any time.
I’d rather not.
I just don’t think denial will work.
Liberation in terms of gender and sexuality really would help, really would maybe mean so one else has to even make those plans and calcuations, but for some of us, in our own lives, it’s just not supposed to be that complicated.
Someone promised us it wouldn’t be that complicated.
It’s not the fault of ‘queerness,’ actually, but it’s damnably easy to see it that way.
Don’t leave us out. Public figure. K?
Aria Rewrites history oftenSo she’s not wrong, she’s just rewriting it to fit her worldview.
Pay attention.
Local Condition or Personal ConditionsI’m willing to concede some people applied to Hopkins and got turned away.
I also suspect that when some went for help from psychiatrists they encountered some sort of Freudian or religiously bigoted therapist.
This still does not erase two things:
The clinic mix in those days was identical to the mix today with one exception. There were more poor people there.
Thousands upon thousands of people from all sorts of backgrounds got SRS. Indeed even Benjamin’s book mentions people who had been married and fathered children getting SRS.
Perhaps the oft mentioned “local conditions” were more the problem of those find treatment unavailable than those who found it easily available.
Consider this… In the late 1990s I met my demographic twin. Also from a very small town. My age, involved in the anti-war movement. Lived around the corner from me in the Haight Ashbury in 1968. She couldn’t find help for her transsexualism. I easily found help for mine from a SF Public Health Clinic open to all.
One difference she became involved with a woman and became a parent. I was involved with both men and women and came out.
Availability of medical care had little to do with my coming out as I came out and then started seeking the medical help.
Your recent updateis rather telling, aside from the quoted comments here.
Sad, SA-RT, sad…
AndSylvia Rivera, despite all attempts, was always ‘she’ and otherwise refused to be defined.
We’d say ‘transgender’ now, but all I can say is, if I was 18 year old me time-displaced to 1969, Greenwich Village and the drag scene might be exactly where I’d run.
The ‘drag scene’ in 1989 actually considered TSes to be something inferior. Early in transition, I was invited to ‘perform’ at the local ‘Lesbian and gay club,’ ‘talent show’ … I showed up with my band, said, ’We’re here, only problem is our last good mike broke. I trust you have one?’
‘You won’t need a mike.’
What?
They thought I turned up to lip-synch.
There’s reasons, Autumn.
Just in case of doubt…AriaBlue:
All from her comments to the piece this one is in response to.
From a related post.
From her own blog.
And there’s more. But I think the point is made with those.
Guess what Marie …Your not telling me anything I don’t know!
Here’s the issue Marie … transgender has the cart before the horse. Whether some IDENTIFY as LGBT or not is the CART. The HORSE should be(and is obviously not for most of you) the TRANSSEXED part.
When you reverse this or make it one in the same, the vast majority of the general public only see the LGBT part and the transsexed part comes into being as a component of being LGBT, or to put it simply, it makes Transsexual a component of gay male rather than being TRANSSEXUAL and having a sexual orientation toward women which would make you Lesbian.
To the general public, this is a very important distinction. It is also one reason that many post corrected women that simply identify as “woman” do not suffer the discrimination that many “out” transgenders do.
Lesbians are women first and formost, just as Gay men are men first and foremost. The sexual orientation does not usually override their gender…do you see?
However, the transgender, by putting the cart before the horse, by identifying as part of the LGBT first and as women second (this is how the public see it “whether you like it or not” ) set themselves up for discrimination.
It’s not about denial Marie .. it’s about priorities and how you want the public at large to understand who and what you are.
…oh and this woman of history became so over 30 years back so I reckon I have been around the block a few times and yes, I am married and yes I do have a job, and I don’t feel like I am hiding anything, so please go fight for someone else.
It happens more than you think.I know of several other couples here in town.
Please don’t rewrite historyMarriage for transsexuals is handled separately from marriage for gays, and has been since the beginning. The law recognizes the difference, and the transgender push to destroy our special relationship with the law in many states where it exists represents a wholesale attack on our status by the transgender and the GLBT.
We made significant progress before transgender came around, and these attempts to rewrite history are not going to be successful. High minded quotes from Martin Luther King aside.
Marriage equality is an issue for gays and lesbians, and the only way it applies to us is if people like you attempt to define us as gay men and lesbian women. The only way.
Is that what you are really saying, that we are just gay men and lesbian women?
The argument that those bigots who dislike transgender should somehow influence law would seem to be self-defeating on its face, would it not? I can think of no better reason NOT to do as you suggest. I don’t run my life worrying about what a few weirdos on the fringe of a religion think, and neither should you. They just aren’t important, and saying anything else is just scaremongering on your part. In fact, I find the whole running gag with you getting that La Barbera character angry at us over and over to be counterproductive. Perhaps beyond counterproductive… you are attempting to create an boogeyman to scare people into supporting your agenda.
You just don’t understand that your issues are not our issues. I don’t wake up every day worrying about the things you do, that is on you. Your problems with the world and your view of things do not constitute what is important to me. In a larger sense, the things that are important to transgender are completely foreign to people of transsexual experience. In many cases they are fundamentally at odds and adversarial. How can transgender attempt to dictate what is best when it shows so little knowledge of transsexual?
No, Autumn. You’re insistence that we are mired in marriage equality is nothing more than a way to say that we are simply delusional gay men and lesbian women. And that insults not just us, but gays and lesbians themselves.
What?“Marriage for transsexuals is handled separately from marriage for gays, and has been since the beginning. ”
To what effect? Now? Especially for, say, Nikki Araguz?
“ The law recognizes the difference, and the transgender push to destroy our special relationship with the law in many states where it exists represents a wholesale attack on our status by the transgender and the GLBT. ”
Really?
Where is and where was that ‘Special relationship?’
Or was it always a mirage?
i don’t know you.And you probably have never heard of me.
But if you find yourself bored, with time to spare at some point in the future, please feel free to email me.
Every time someone like Dyssonance opens her mouth, it only entrenches my views. And that’s usually the problem with debates. But you seem to have an attitude and thoughts that provoke questions rather than defensiveness within me.
i am not a fan of the Autumn Sandeen Show, starring Autumn Sandeen. This is not a safe environment for me.
Aria is correct…Most of the States have long time laws that allowed marriage for POST-OP transsexuals to their opposite gender. This is nothing new and these marriages were and still are quite legal in many states. I believe Louisianna was one of the first states to allow this way back in the 50′s, and still recognises it.
The Gays also knew that post operative transsexuals had this right and it has really stuck in thier craw for a very long time since deep down, most gays do not consider transsexuals of any status to be anything more than what they were born. Therein lies the rub and a very good reason for the GLB to encompass transsexed persons into their cause, to work them against the system. Most gays could care less what happens to the transsexuals once they get what they want. Don’t believe that is true? You wait and see how quickly they will throw you under the bus when they have to.
Nikki Araguz is an exception since she didn’t actually have SRS till 2 months after she got married, which legally made her marriage same sex. She is also not a very good candidate to test this law due to her criminal arrest record and appearances on springer and other shows. This is a shame since if Nikki had been squeeky clean with all her ducks in a row, we could have had a real fighting chance at getting a favorable decision. That chance is not very likely now and could well seal the fate of thousands of post operative transsexuals in future law that will not be good for any of us.
Nikki is hanging her hat on the Houston Transgender association and Phyliss Frye, a really dumb move in my opinion. If she had any sense at all she would be distancing herself as far as possible from any transgender or GLB association, for that is just a train wreck waiting to happen. Unfortunatly though, the wreckage is going to do a lot of damage well beyond the impact point.
yeah, right.
Hmmm. Let’s take a look at some of the claims you are saying she’s right about, shall we?
“Most States” is correct. But not all of them, and, at any point in time, they can be challenged in most of those states where it allowed because most of them do not, in fact, have a law on the books that says it’s permissible.
They don’t. You can jump up and down and say they do, but the simple truth is, they don’t. And when it comes to court cases, the track record of transsexuals — and here, I’m talking about those post operative sports you are speaking of, the sort you like to call “cured” of whatever it was that you think was wrong with them — is abysmal. Indeed, it’s great big Zero in the win column.
Which Aria doesn’t know because she doesn’t know jack about history. And even less about the law surrounding all of this.
It is allowed because in most states, there are no rules for what constitutes a man or a woman, and if your id says F when you are a gal or M when you are a guy, they don’t do much.
There are policies, of course. But a policy is not a law. Policies, in fact, are even easier to change than laws.
Like the policy of a particular midwestern county where all transsexual applying for a marriage certificate must declare that they are transgender. Was Aria aware of that one?
And that declaring one is transgender is cause to disallow the marriage? In a state where people can get married otherwise?
Was Aria aware of the rulings by the 9th Circuit regarding trans marriages? Or the New York state ones? Oh, wait — those happened during that time that she says there was nothing out there, so no, she doesn’t, because she thinks there was nothing out there.
Was she aware of the multiple efforts by the same folks who passed all those Amendments to also pass laws that specifically describe, in law, a man as anyone with an XY chromosome set, and a woman as anyone with an XX chromosome set?
Note carefully, please, Leigh, that I am making sure the source for these quotes is known so that people can go and look for themselves at the context. And that I am letting them stand as written.
Just in case someone thinks I’m being too Vile, too Rude, and too Vulgar, and that my manners are lacking. Or that I’m threatening someone.
This from the person whom you say is right about this whole marriage thing, Leigh. From a person you agree with, often.
Indeed, you say, above:
Yeah, most of them knew this, eh? Odd. I’m willing to bet that most of them didn’t know this until fairly recently.
No, Leigh. She is not right. She’s Right, in a political sense, in her positional statements, and fairly Libertarian in her outlook and approach, but she’s not right.
She is wrong, Leigh. Not merely on this point you are saying she’s right on, but on so very many other things.
Thats the most sensible statement I have ever heard from you Rowan…
No dyss … you are wrong… what you quote are all fairly recent(20 years or less) changes to existing policy and law that was in place, admitedly under the table, back door if you like, but legally allowed for a lot of damn years(60 or so) before your transgender and GLB friends started stirring up the waters and serving transsexual affairs at the dinner table of the american public.
I been around this a lot longer than you dyss, and you can read all the damned history books you want but the fact is that being there, as I was, transitioning in the 70′s, a lot of stuff was a damn sight easier and friendlier than it is now. Sure, things were done under the table, so what? Half the laws in the United States are back room deals and ear marks. Thats how things get done in this country of ours. We weren’t out and proud, we were quiet and greatful, we went about our business and those that didn’t understand us were not likely to kill us for it.
So what that these laws were not fully ratified? They worked and thats way better than the laws you want which most people will ignore and sidestep for the next 50 years. Ya’ll say that same sex marriage, marriage equality will set us all free ? bunkum .. it will not help one transsexual woman that just wanted to be a plain ole everyday woman, with a husband and kids. They will just be those folks down the street, the ones that think they are a married couple like us, but of course, you will never hear them say that out loud, just like nobody ever uses any other “certain” words any more(unless your Mel Gibson of course).
It’s all for nothing, all this rabble rousing and getting the American Public all fired up and ready to hang the lot of us.
and yes dyss I am cured of transsexuality……. I have never even considered getting SRS again
Dr. Benjamin’s fee in 1969Was $15.00 I made it selling weekly newspapers on the corner.
I got my hormones for free from SF’s Center for Special Problems. I was on Welfare and sold Berkeley Barbs and Tribes on Thursday or Friday when they came out.
I was in Weatherman and lived in a Red/Black Action Faction. Collective. We fought in Street Actions like a “Black Bloc”.
Of course it was impossible except for all of us who managed to do it.
High School?I actually still have a friend from high school.
But dang I graduated nearly 50 years ago and had therapy to deal with the trauma years ago.
I don’t obsess on the past like that.
Your point is lost on me. What are you trying to say?
Or maybe you only graduated a few years ago and it is still fresh.
But I’ve had lots of experiences since and have grown.
Not QuiteYou said laws, again, Leigh.
And that makes you the one that is wrong.
That wasn’t under the table, it wasn’t back room deals. That was falling through the cracks, Leigh. That was, literally, getting away with something.
The New York cases go back longer than the twenty year window you describe. As do the 9th Circuit ones. And in all that time, marriages would be declared void if anyone so much as thought about living openly.
What you are saying here, Leigh, is that trans people should just hide, should become unseen, unheard, should be “good little children”. Should avoid upsetting the people who would do such a thing as take away the marriage.
How’s it up in that house, chile?
And, again, you rely on the “I was there, dammit” argument, when you were not the only one there, Leigh, and there are a lot more people than you saying that that it was exactly the opposite of that. Your lived experience, Leigh, has, literally, nothing on the lived experience of a 15 year old black girl, homeless, making her way on the streets. Your experience has nothing on the lived life of a transwoman who was stealth like everyone else and got a policy quietly changed.
It’s a trans man who bore a child long before the one you know of. Of course, his life is invisible to you — and yet he was out years and years ago.
The facts are that you are wrong, Leigh. The facts, Leigh. Not opinion.
And just what was it that wrong with you that you had to have cured by SRS, Leigh?
If you had been born transsexed…..There is no way in hell you would have to ask what Leigh had cured……somatic dysphoria, the body not matching the neurology which is otherwise known as transsexuality.
I’ve come to realize that gender dysphoria was a HUGE mistake in terminology since the condition of being born transsexed is a body mismatch issue and discomfort with that “wrong” body not a gender one since gender, in the sense of the neurological hardwiring of those things that separate men from women, is fixed long before birth. We know this now, we know this scientifically on a level beyond a reasonable doubt.
There is a further problem on open display here. Trashing and shouting down women who were born transsexed and intersexed and corrected and cured somatic dysphoria has been about 3/4 of the replies here without a single flag being called on that. If Sandeen wishes to insist that women of history are part of her community, that is a major major major violation of the TOS. Since none of it has been called except the most blatant example on a recent diary, so bad that TG defenders here opposed it, Sandeen must stop speaking for women of history to be consistent in position. It’s one or the other and most telling that Pam, not Autumn, called foul on the most transsexed phobic post since Ron Glass.
And yet I wasAnd I still am asking.
See? You don’t know everything about all transsexuals.
As for your trashing and shouting down, I think this qualifies:
Now, as the target of that particular jab, I think we can see why you think you know so much about transsexuals that you can just imply I must not be one because I asked a question.
So, now, what you are saying here, Cathryn, is that being born with what you term “somatic dysphoria, the body not matching the neurology” is something that is wrong, correct?
That it’s a wrongneess, that being born that way is something that needs to be fixed, akin to some disease or malfunction — correct?
Just checking for clarification’s purpose, you see.
don’t put words in my mouth dyss … I am not saying anything about hiding, becoming unseen or unheard from. In case you hadn’t noticed dyss, we are talking about a very private aspect of most peoples lives here. In my experience, these are NOT things one discusses openly, for any reason or brings onto a stage. The fact is that most people don’t want to hear or discuss someone elses private affairs especially when it comes down to matters of sex.
The fact that you apparently want to go display your sexuality anywhere it damn suits you by being out and proud, does not make it being honest or open. It makes it being crass and vulgar. Most people dont give a flying figg how you live your life as long as it dont effect theirs, and you can be as out as you want to be and still just get the cold shoulder.
If you want to live your life that way, without any sense of common decency, any sense of privacy for your own body, thats up to you. Gay guys do that a lot. Wear your backdoor chaps all you want in public dyss, but many of us really find that quite revolting. We prefer to keep things one on one, have a little decorum, mind our own business. take care of our own problems without displaying them to the world on video and tv.
Nobody cares dyss. Thats the part you and the rest of your transgender buds just never quite understand. People dont want to hear about your sexual inadequacies, your gender problems, or your percieved discrimination that mostly comes about due to people like you trying to ram these things down the throat of the public, to force feed them… PEOPLE DONT CARE! .. and for the most part dyss, they never will, as long as you dont make a dog and pony show of it, they will be happy for you and let you live your life however you see fit.
AND ……….
You keep trying to call me a house N****** , here and elsewhere, and THAT dyss is a violation of TOS, not that anyone will ever do anything about it.
Not trying…… but since you’ve just made it clear you agree that I’m some sort of gay man with a sexual perversion that is trying to ram my lifestyle (that is, as a gay person) down the throats of the public, well…
… I think you just did it all for me with your own TOS violation.
Thanks, Leigh
erhhhhmmmThat particular comment was made on another blog by wordpress ID catkisser. Raising it here and attributing it to my Pam’s ID is pure speculation on your part, at minimum unethical as hell given they are two separate IDs on two separate blogs and probably a TOS violation.
Regarding somatic dysphoria as the primary symptom of being born transsexed, if you have had it(born with it), you will move heaven and earth to correct it eventually. If you haven’t then you haven’t a clue what I am talking about. You clearly were not born with this from all the statements you continue to make. The condition has a known cure with an almost 100% success rate, surgical AND hormonal correction. The condition has been around since the beginnings of recorded history. In ancient times the body was also corrected and hormones were taken. I have written extensively on this as you well know. I have no idea what sort of “gotcha” you think you are about to spring, but facts are facts and it matters little if you call being born transsexed a disorder or a pre-natal birth condition or a neurological form of being intersexed. It still is.
It is a medical condition, not a psychological one. One that has finally been recognized by the DSM revision coming out, hence the “cure” clause bringing the APA into the 21′st century and acknowledging the overwhelming body of scientific evidence.
You can opt to have your appendix removed without having appendicitis, having it removed under those conditions does not magically retroactively mean you had appendicitis. Having SRS does not magically grant having the birth condition of being transsexed either if you did not have the symptoms such as severe somatic dysphoria. This ain’t rocket science.
A medical birth condition is NOT an identity, it is a medical birth condition with a set of criteria. If you opt for the cure for being born transsexed but do not meet the criteria, you did not have the condition, again this is not rocket science, just plain old fashion common sense on a level even a fifth grader can understand.
If your “gotcha” is those of us who had the condition to treat the symptoms by having the cure acknowledging we did so to fix a problem that you don’t have, you simply prove my point, you weren’t born transsexed. This has been our beef with you and your buds all along in a nutshell. You are mixing apples and oranges and doing so for political reasons.
Thanks for the support Cathryn … appreciate it
And yet, still…You and I know perfectly well that it is you, and if you’d like me to do so I can establish that you are catkisser are the same by your own words, as I do happen to have such archived.
I play dirty, remember — Leigh said so.
And yet, the “statements” I’m making are asking you a specific question about your words — a question you continue to avoid answering. So what you are doing is drawing an unrelated implication from a question raised regarding the questioner — making something up without a foundation in the context or the statement, and deriving it from a personal bias and prejudice.
Which is to be expected, after all — you and I are on anything but friendly terms, and you’ve made it a point to engage in direct, personal attacks against me anytime you’ve ever posted a damn thing regarding me that I’m aware of.
So, your particular efforts to attempt to understand my motivations are failing — for one, you think that it’s a personal attack on you instead of an attack on your ideas; for another, you think that I’m trying to prove something to you, when I’ve long ago abandoned that tack as you’ve demonstrated exceptional recalcitrance.
Again: is what you are trying to cure an illness?
Isn’t what you are attempting to say is that when you get out of this illness, this wrongness, that you are no longer transsexual, even though you were born this way.
To provide you with a comparative that might help you: what you are saying is that person who is born blind and gains the ability to see via surgical intervention later in life is no longer blind. What I am asking you is do you see that having been blind as a bad thing, as something that is wrong with the person?
And what you are saying about me is that I must not have ever been blind because only a sighted person would ask that question, when the question is one that is asked by blind people trying to explain something to sighted people about the nature of being blind.
Keep trying, though.
Welcome, Taelyn!!Here’s a great chant I just dreamed up for a pride march:
“Fags, and dykes, and Trannies, I’m bi!”
A take off of course from The Wizard of Oz‘s lament “Lions, and tigers, and bears, oh my!”
Amen, all!Not to mention the fact she formed STAR: Street Action Transvestite Revolutionaries to help the gay and trans sex workers in her area, and the Gay, Inc. of the time turned their collective nose up at her, even though she busted her ass for them in actions and other work.
I guess times haven’t changed all that much, huh?
Rowan…Maybe he read some of the autogynephilia crap from Blanchard, ad nauseum that all MtF transfolk are all gay men who fetishised femininity.
Well said!Every time I hear one of them whine about how wonderful life was in the ’50′s –until Teh Transgenderz came along and started demanding rights, and medical transition treatments…God forbid treatment be made available to ALL who need it, rather than just a select few.
They’re so selfish!
These HBSers are the one’s who need to “suck it up.” The generation growing up today is more gender-fluid than ever.
BULLSHIT!I live in Ohio, sweetums. It’s one of the states where I cannot change the gender marker on my birth certificate, which a number of states still do.
If I was heterosexual, I cannot get married in ANY state thanks to DOMA, because in the eyes of the law I’d be in a “same-sex” relationship no matter how many times I’d complain! However, because I’m a big ol’ dyke and proud to say it, I can get legally married any time I want!!
As to equal treatment, my dear bigot, I’m helping a coalition campaign to get a referendum passed on two ordinances here in Bowling Green, OH — both of which include gender identity and expression, among other conditions. I’ve personally been a victim of discrimination… so many times, I’ve just quit trying to look for work.
So don’t go giving me this nose-in-the-air sense of superiority, darling, cause you need to be shown the gutter to remember your history and what poor transfolk have to deal with!!
Just remember, oh ignorant one — we have an event around the world every November 20th called the Transgender Day of Remembrance, to commemorate the trans lives snuffed out because of hate and bigotry and oppression.
I support Rowan and Dyss….10000000000000000000%!!
Amen to that!!It took me awhile, Wolfgang to wrap my head around my genderqueer friends, mainly due to the fact my trans identity was developed during the 70s.
But as I learned — something which seems to beyond the capacity of Ana and SA-ET and her crowd — I accept the diversity which is the trans community.
Anyone who has the stupidity to believe they’re superior from everyone else because of their status is deluding themselves!!
One of my biggest pet peeves are assimilationists. They have this delusion that once they believe they’ve “arrived”, they immediately take on the role of the oppressor. Clarence Thomas, Ken Blackwell, and Michael Steele are prime examples, as is “Uncle Joe” and the rest of the gay male elite, John Woo, ad nauseum.
All this internicene warfare within the LGBT community does is do the work of the bigots for them!! It’s time we got together as ONE to oppose this bunch of bible bigots and fight for everyone’s right to live how they choose!
WellI think it’s important to keep in perspective: ‘Classic’ TSes still exist, and still will, no matter how much ‘gender-fluidity’ is tolerated or accepted, at least in some places by some people.
Too often people on both sides of the anti-TS sentiments and prejudices we hear are projecting some ‘it’s all in your head’ onto what’s first and foremost between onesself and hir own body.
Those TSes who are against there being acceptance of ‘gender fluidity’ are, I think, missing the boat, too.
If there wasn’t so much pressure to conform to the binary, then life, especially early life, really wouldn’t be so hard for the ‘classics’ either. It wouldn’t have to mean “Transsexualism doesn’t exist, ’just suck it up’ and accept body parts and characteristics that constantly feel like foreign objects and disfigurements,” …it could really actually just unload a lot of the other problems with all this.
I actually would hold out a lot of hope for early treatment: …just delay physical puberty instead of putting TSes through all the trauma of ‘the wrong puberty:’ and attendant walking around in misery and being terrified the fact you aren’t ‘really’ the pre-transition binary you’re ‘supposed to be’ is written all over your face. Allowing people to be more androgynous in general would mean
a lot of kids get childhoods: just to be, instead of going from hiding to trying to prove something.
I’d certainly have been gladder to have grown up in a world like that.
It’s one thing to just say, ’Oh, stop playing the victim,’ …I’d rather see a world where no one has to be. People shouldn’t have to go through what I did, or what even my family did, …terrified of some kind of Hell if anything ‘outside the norm’ ever showed in me, that’s exactly what we got.
A world where young people can explore their identities without being afraid… Maybe even without having to decide right off the bat, would probably be a better outcome for all concerned.
People can be cruel, but can also adapt better than many think. And it is all connected: if even straight people weren’t so afraid that showing any ‘gender role variance’ or tolerance thereof, might implicate them as ‘being gay’ …they’d probably care less if anyone seems what we now call ‘genderqueer,’ …and probably LGB and ‘genderqueer’ people would be less afraid of TSes having the surgery we need somehow resulting in them getting crammed into some ‘binary.’ When people are worried about TSes, they’re really on some level worried for or about the binary and their place in (or out of) it.
This really could be a win-win for everyone in the future. The way things are going, ’the future’ might be one where we just don’t have time for this kind of argument.
I think the better everyone gets along about this kind of stuff, the better off we’ll all be. I also think the more diversity there is out there, the less anyone’ll even worry what kind of bodies TSes can get along with. Either way.
I think what Dys is sayingIs that being born with that TS condition doesn’t make you ‘sick or ill’ in those scornful senses: our ‘identities,’ whatever they may be, are not a ‘disorder.’ In my case, I do think the same chemical exposure that gave me a pretty androgynous body also accounts for the ‘transsexed brain and body-map.’ Among other health issues. I think being a TS clearly exists throughout history and cultures, as you well know: it’s a natural variation in humanity, if an uncomfortable one: it would appear to be something that can be triggered, however by a lot of these chemicals and stresses and hormonal disruptions modern life can subject people to: mothers in particular.
The fact that there’s something there to trigger, though, seems clear enough: it’s easy enough to make gay and trans lab animals by exposing them to the same things.
For some, the body dysphoria is the overriding factor: for me it was, …to the point that until the Goddess tapped me on the shoulder about the rest of it, I was still thinking I might get through life burying the rest of it.
For other TS women, the paradigm is more about getting along in society, and SRS is welcome, but secondary.
We’ve almost all been kind of raised among a society that considers body and social role and even sexuality synonymous.
This tends to lead to a great diversity of experiences, not to mention diversity of interpretations of experiences, not just among transpeople, but nearly everyone else in the world that ever had an issue regarding these things called ‘gender and sexuality.’
A tendency of the human mind, especially under monolithic religions and related authority-structures, is to tend to assume everyone else, or everyone ‘like you’ should or does experience the world the same way.
It’s part of why homophobes assume everyone’s straight but ‘tempted’ or something. And seem ridiculously-threatened by anyone being different from them. Cause they have ‘self-other’ problems. They really believe that everyone is and is supposed to be ‘the same.’
But in that sense, no, there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with us. Any of us.
I kind of grew up assuming everyone was ‘psychic’ and just better at hiding it, for instance. That’s what ‘everyone’s supposed to do,’ right? Gods know how long it took me to accept that the functionally-headblind exist.
That it felt like a constant empathic assault out there, not cause everyone knew and was, like they said, “Just get tougher, something’s wrong with you, you’re ‘too sensitive:’ toughen up,’” …but that it was literally, to them, ‘Blind man battering other blind men.’
They claimed they ‘knew all about everything,’ after all, right?
I think there are some parallels in like the deaf community: while on one hand, being ‘deaf’ is a physical condition, the idea of ‘cures’ is controversial: some would take it in a heartbeat, and some are more about ‘There’s nothing wrong with being deaf!’
Both are true.
A recent story in the news made me think of the X-men movies. The parallels for the LGBT community have often been noted. Particularly the third movie, about someone finding a ‘cure’ and all the different responses to that came about in that story.
Some would want it, some would find the very idea offensive, some would stand for choice, some would weaponize it, and some would (in a way, rightly) just want it to go away.
The fact is, there’s no single thing to understand. Apart from that people are different, and those differences can either enrich us all, or become destructive.
One thing that is clear to me is that for the same reason body-discontinuity hurts so much for TSes, people who haven’t experienced it just have trouble imagining it. It’s so basic, and so involved that I think our best chance is finding ways to trust each other. All of us.
Not try to define or control.
Transness
I completely agree. I consider myself a “classic TS” for the most part, but I grew up in a very liberal family and was taught from an early age to question gender stereotypes. As a result, I never really developed a rigid gender-binary-way-of-thinking, if that makes any sense. I kind of decided for myself what it means to be a man or a woman. However, that didn’t negate the need for me to transition. It just means I have some different ideas about what makes a man or a woman.
To ignore the role our upbringing and life experiences play in how we view our own bodies, and what we need to change in order to be comfortable in them, is folly, plain and simple. I mourn for the countless unknown trans people who suffered their entire lives back in the “good ole’ days” after being denied treatment because they weren’t trans enough, or who never even discovered that treatments existed because they didn’t know the right people or live in the right area.
Heh.You did have it easy, then, in those regards.
I paid almost ten times that for my first consultation at a gender clinic a hundred miles away. Took me a long time to raise that, not to mention getting there. I didn’t even eat that day. Couldn’t get welfare thanks to not being able to argue with some Christian thinking Janice Raymond and Jesse Helms gave her the right to turn me away from even applying.
It clearly wasn’t impossible for me, since I got it done. I also know not everyone made it. Fact is, especially compared to promises from the HBGDIA, there’s also no reason I should have had to ‘leave it all out there on the field,’ in a sports metaphor.
Things have changed, and already had, too, you know. ‘A new life in a new town’ wasn’t really so easy, even before the Internet: I had to change my legal name in a hurry just because my family was threatening me with death and random genealogy hobbyists kept tracking me down.
Actually, I disagreeIf the relationship between ‘carts and horses’ is unclear, something is probably loose in the traces.
The fact is, we all need to pull together here, or we’ll all be wearing blinders and feeling the horsewhip.
It’s about the road, not the vehicle.
The stealthiest TS will always be in fear as long as our rights exist on the sufferance of those who may or may not look at our papers and say, ’You’re just ‘gay,’
And the most outrageous ‘genderqueer’ will never be truly free until they also have the right to change their bodies and be as ‘normal’ or not, as they want to be, too.
Gays… and straights, won’t be free to love, either, as *long as some bigot can say, ’You have to be a ‘real man or woman’ or suffer all our abuse.
And for that reason, Nikki Araguz’ very straight marriage means nothing as long as someone can say, ’You’re a gay man and some kind of ‘deceiver and liar’ about it, and that means we can take everything you earned and cause your husband died.’
Alien language
Dyss can explain something fairly clearly to them, the they will read something completely alien to what Dyss wrote.
Dyss can say that the world is an oviod orbiting a star and they will disagree with it purely because Dyss is saying it.
What Dyss is trying to say means nothing when it comes to them.
Well ..sweetpea…… do I know you or do you normally start out communication with someone by calling them bigots and ignorant?
Oh wait .. your a “big ol’ dyke” .. you have an image to uphold .. got it! So is that like being victor/victoria, a guy that plays the part of a woman playing the part of a guy? I am just curious? Honestly if you didn’t go by the really fem name “Marlene” I would have no clue.. Wouldn’t “Billy Joe” be more appropriate? .. just saying…
I can see why you gave up on the job thing .. with an attitude like yours I wouldn’t hire you either, and I AM an employer.
You know, there is so much wrong with what you just said I don’t even know where to begin and in fact, I really don’t think there is any point anyway.
If I were you, I would work on my communication skills.
Could be thats holding you back in life.
What’s complicated here?If you’d read all this text before trying to attack my character, you’d know about when that happened.
I said part, not ‘all.’
Implying I haven’t ‘had experiences’ or grown, just because I mention it, especially when it’s are a relevant thing to bring up, hardly seems like you’re exactly affirming trans identities, here.
It’s particularly important to me because back then I had several plans and contingencies as to how I was going to get through this life, and have had a lot of time to do the failure analysis.
As I’ve mentioned, what I actually tend to do most of the time is relate to those times as if, in a funny way, I’d already been ‘fixed’ and was just a gal in disguise. Unless I’m careful to remember otherwise. Time will do that, I guess. That seems to be OK though. There was actually more to life than that very mundane pain. I don’t like letting on that ‘it must have been a coed school,’ here, or whatnot.
Actually owning one’s past is a thing most take for granted, even if all you were trying to do at the time was plot your escape.
Part of me. Not all.
You know, I thought I was very clever, but I got so many of my ideas of ‘what guys are supposed to want to be like’ from TV shows and all these other sources, it was, well. At times, Funny. Ridiculous.
Mine.
Here’s to absent friends.
He?What he, btw?
That ‘lecturer’ may have been really not-aware of what she was trying to prove or how to go about it, but I still have no reason to not think ‘she.’ I think the point of the little display was supposed to be ‘Look, this is no big deal,’ but.. Err. Not the right way to go about it.
That ‘autogynephilia’ thing should have been laughed out of ‘science and medicine’ without delay. It attempts to posit that MtF transsexuals don’t exist and are men because we don’t fantasize about being men in sex fantasies?
He also claims ‘Bisexuals are liars.’ Cause they don’t fit his theory. And molested patients.
It offends me that anyone even takes that seriously.
YeahTo my observation, the single most important thing, for all this talk and politics, …is a supportive family. The difference is like night and day.
I got by on faith, adrenaline, and what supportive friends could do. Barely. And I lived to tell that not everyone makes it and it doesn’t actually have to be this hard. Even if we’re proud to survive or even ‘win.’
Oh please Rowan … you are sounding like those “ban the bomb” hippies of the 60′s and 70′s … great ideas, never going to happen.
All the while “transsexual” is promoted and associated as a “gay” condition, instead of it being a seperate medical condition quite seperate from sexual orientation, which it is, you will have a public who consider all transsexed persons to be first and foremost gay.
If someone is both gay/lesbian AND transsexed that is fine, and if that person wants to fight for gay rights that is fine too, but do it from the perspective of being gay or lesbian, not transsexed. By not doing that you tell the world that transsexed=gay/lesbian, which is simply not true. There are plenty of non-gay transsexuals but their voices are always drowned out by the out and proud GLBT types … which is what this whole issue is about.
You just cant use such a wide brush and expect the rest of us to go quietly along with it… “whether we like it or not”<’/i> .. because we wont!
What Dyss is trying to say means nothing when it comes to them.
… and there’s the rub since what we say means nothing to you either .. but hey you are the majority voice in all this because you have the support of the GLB right?
Must be nice to be the overwhelming majority and get to tell smaller minorities to just suck it up … “whether we like it or not”
wait ….
isn’t that what you complain the general public are doing to you?
Tell me…If you are aligned with the general public (and you are), and the general public is an overwhelming majority over the GLB, doesn’t that, in turn make you actually the one’s part of the overwhelming majority?
You cannot use the arguments of the majority and say that you are a minority. That’s the same claim that Maggie of NOM is making — and it’s just as much a pile of fecal matter as your claim here.
Ok ChristiannePrivilege …
Which “privilege” would this be?
How exactly is someone who achieved SRS through whatever means “privileged”? Would you please explain this accusation as I am just a ditz that would like to understand how these folks were “privleged”. I mean were they born filthy rich, had parents who could buy them everything, did they win the lottery? were they given SRS free of charge, did they not have to follow the standards of care? I am purplexed as to what you mean by this…
“classism” … ok so then every HBS or classic ts that had srs was a product of their being in a class of people that were wealthy ? Is that what you mean?
“homophobia” … all HBS people are by default homophobic? is that what you are saying here? I ask because I know a few self defined HBS types that define as Lesbian, so I dont quite understand how the accusation applies.
“genophobia” .. an interesting one. Is that the same as transphobia? So all HBS people and classic ts people hate other ts people is that it ? The reason I ask is because over the years I have come across those that in fact are in ts-ts relationships. The owners of ts-si.com, an hbs website are in fact both TS and both M-F and both define as Lesbian and both support the GLB. Am I missing something here ?
“paranoia” … So we are all paranoid that someone will clock us? Out us? .. that may be true for some, probably not all.
You say there are plenty of straight women out there that are on board with gay marriage. I think that is a fair statement but what exactly is plenty? Lets say 50% of all women born women are ok with it and 50% are not. Why do you feel that being HBS or classic Ts automatically requires those women to be all for your causes? Do you think it possible that you consider ALL women born transsexed are automatically gay or lesbian by default and that you cant think any other way because it simply doesn’t fit your world view or your personal experience?
… and actually christianne, Nikki is sounding more and more transgender every day, despite her saying otherwise on the fox news interview, which she later recanted.
No it doesn’t …The general public are not the ones that define us as part of the GLBT, you and yours are doing that by mis-informing the general public that trannsexism is a gay issue. You added the T onto GLB and included the word transsexual into your umbrella, without our consideration that there are as many heterosexual TS as there are gay/lesbian TS.
Even when we complain we are shouted down, called seperatists, homophobes, transphobes, bigots, racists, and any other expletive you can find. How are we separatists when we never wanted to be defined by the GLB as one of their ranks in the first place?
Tell me why someone such as I that does not identify as gay or lesbian, have to try to defend myself against such claims. Is it not enough that we simply have our surguries and try to fit into our lives as women with husbands without someone saying that its a same sex relationship?
I dare say that if the GLBT added an “H” to their acronym based on the fact that there are handicapped gay and lesbian people, the outcry would be heard around the world. Yet since we are such a small voice, we get no such consideration.
… and that dear dyss makes us a minority and beholding to the LGBT!
Are you *that* removed, Leigh?Where did you even grow up?
I never even heard of an LGBT activist in the entirety of my young life. No one else had, either. Still got ‘gaybashed’ over finer points of gender. Hel, straight people did, too.
I watches straight boys get molested cause everyone was so afraid to seem ‘gay’ they’d just shut up about it. I ended up in the hospital three times before I even heard a ‘sex change’ was possible, never mind had any kind of sex with anyone, myself.
What is this, Leigh?
Helpful?
How?
England Rowan And I fail to see what growing up and getting gaybashed or just beaten up for no reason has anything to do with what we are discussing?
Gonna get testy, here“House N*****? ‘field N******? Red light N*****?
Who cares?
Point is, no one’s any kind of N*****.
Trying to defend the fine distinctions of who calls who a ‘N*****’ never got anyone anywhere.
Me, I was told, ‘You’re white, you’re supposed to conquer the Godsforsaken world.’ That’s ‘free.’
But NO one ever asked me.
Maybe it wasn’t even ever what I wanted.
Everyone assumes that’s what ‘you’re supposed to want.’
I bought that for a while.
Probably could have had it, too. All I had to do was lie.
Why? What kind of ‘Massa’ would I have been if I did?
What ‘point’ would that have proven?
So, why?
Why these terms, Leigh?Why?
Does it help?
Ok Rowan try to keep up here … I am responding to Christianne’s post above where she says:
“all I can think is that their point of view is a combination of privilege (one built on a house of cards, no less), classism, homophobia, genophobia, and paranoia.”
Her terms, not mine .. I am asking for clarification
Ok, try to keep up here:I’m saying that the ‘situation’ is not going to ‘instantly come clear.’
And even maybe, if it did, it’d be pretty sterile.
Which may not in fact serve even ‘people like us’ so well.
As I’ve said, if we make our rights ‘negotiable,’ even by your standards, mine, or Harry Benjamin’s…. When do we get to be citizens?
I’m an American and so are you, and our rights are supposed to be ‘unalienable.’ The moment you start making those rights ‘contingent’ on anyone’s approval, even your own…
You’ll never see the end of it.
That’s exactly why our Constitution was written as it was.
The nobility of spirit and oath that stands between us and Uganda is thinner than you may want to believe, Leigh.
I’m sorry. But we have a choice right now. And it ain’t between TV dinners.
It’s not just us. We have to make a choice about what it means to be human, and it won’t go well for us if we’re the last to make it.
I did hope for better.
I’m sorry. But I have to ask, on behalf of the world, a little more courage of you, sister. Paperwork isn’t gonna help.
Let’s put it this wayGoogle capitulated to China about totalitarianism.
Do you think that what we say here is secure?
You see Rowan …I submit to the court here that these kinds of accusations are leveled willy nilly at anyone who questions the glbt collective and in particular the transgender portion of that.
We have gotten so used to it that it bounces off anymore but none the less it is meant to shout us down and make our complaints look trivial and based entirely on some sort of us being better than them mindset, despite the fact that we say “different not better”.
And we are different in that we are not LGBT aligned and we would very much like to see an end to the idea that transsexualism is a gay issue, when in fact it is a medical issue not related to sexual orientation.
These are important distinctions for those of us that are not gay, never have been gay, and don’t wish to be known as gay by default.
That cannot happen all the while people like Autumn Sandeen and others continues to ignore that it exists.
Your fights and concernsare not mine Rowan…
And they never will be while the GLBT continue to tell me my opinions don’t count.
If you want my backing, then the rules have to change.
Abolish the umbrella concept.
Make it clear in the media that not all transsexed persons are gay/lesbian aligned and that transsexuality and intersexuality are not a condition of being gay.
But thats not going to happen Rowan.
Which means,btwIf you think anyone’s safe from anyone, just cause of trying to be on the ‘right side’ of intolerance,’
Well, we both have a lot of other things coming.
Again, I’m sorry. I’ve been feeling the updraft up my skirts since the mid-nineties.
But what can I say, I was supposed to be some kind of genius all along. My general suggestion is we all find a ‘Brotherhood of Man’ as quick as we can, zero qualifiers.
Sorry, btw.
But. If you like this state of affairs:
Bon appetit.
Please register:You blame all of these people here for something:
But it’d seem Nikki did everything “*right*” by your standards.
She’s still where she is.
There’s no one you can hurt that will change that, sister.
Related?“And we are different in that we are not LGBT aligned and we would very much like to see an end to the idea that transsexualism is a gay issue, when in fact it is a medical issue not related to sexual orientation.
You bet your Biber-bodged bippy it’s related, sis. Just not in ways that make sense.
News for you, though: The only way it’s going to make sense is if people start trusting each other to know our own minds and bodies, and say ‘screw off’ to anyone who thinks they know better.
It’s only gonna get weirder just now, sis.
Also, this may insult your vanityBut this isn’t even really about us or our bodies.
It’s about everything but.
In whatever form, we are an excuse to ignore other things which are actually by any rational analysis far more pressing.
Just happens to be our row to hoe when these SOBs are trying to make friends, influence people, and conquer/kill the world for Christ.
We’re incidental. We need to get this manufactured freakout off the board and start doing something positive.
Again.
Sorry. Cookie. Crumbles. Non-flatteringly.
Speaking of things to suck up.
Did you just say ”My biber-bodged bippy”
That is so mysogonistic I cant believe a post corrected woman such as yourself would say such a thing …
Yeah it just got wierder…
oh and I am not your sis rowan.
Thankyou
ActuallyI want the umbrella. Or, better yet. Something more substantial to worry about.
Last thing I need in these times is everyone else in the world arguing if I’m under it or not under it. Umbrella? Worth fighting sisters over? It’s a piece of nylon over wire, made in China by the lowest bidder, and Vesuvius is getting cranky.
Whatever it takes.
Sok.I’ve been disowned before.
I just got through ‘defending’ us being called ‘Frankenstein’ and you can’t believe I don’t think a good surgeon’s ministrations entitle us to be Ann Coulter, either?
‘Post-corrected’ is one thing. Thinking that made you ‘incorrect’ beforehand is another. :)
There’s a whole lot of ‘incorrect’ out here in the world. Being post-op didn’t suddenly make them right. Just got me reasonably in the ‘game,’ so to speak.
Very nice.
What now?
Half the point of being ‘born again’ by whatever measure is supposed to be about being born the first time.
VERY UNFORTUNATE – A Classic understatement indeed
Ms. Minter, legal director for the National Center for Transgender Equality
And for the recordI mean Biber learned the hard way.
With the bodies of our sisters.
Just cause he was a good bodger doesn’t mean he exactly had the full support and resources of the AMA at his disposal.
Sides. Know how I got my ‘correction?’
‘Experimental.’
Worked OK, I guess, but hey. Didn’t know it at the time.
Better than my ‘rugged individual’ hDIY idea, anyway,
know what Rowan …I guess we will never understand each other. I think I know why that is but I will not go into it here.
I don’t know about you but I have never needed to be defended against being called frankenstein, it has just never come up.. go figure
and …
yes I was incorrect before. I had anotomical parts that didnt fit my view of myself. Obviously, you were not unhappy with yours but thats your business.
I wasn’t born again, I merely got the details corrected …
as they say on the commercials ..
… your result may vary
‘caught up?’Are you serious? Long before the recent visibility of ‘gay rights’ they may have let post-ops get married but if anyone hired a dimestore lawyer about it, again, as Nikki Araguz found out… All bets are and always were off.
Come down to brass tacks.
‘Obviously?’You have just done to me as you’ve done to every other transowman on this board.. How many posts have I made saying, in fact, the body dysphoria was the worst for me, and all you can claim is that because I don’t agree with your political ideas about it, ’I was not unhappy with my born genitalia?’
Seriously?
are there any other tranwomen, post-op or not, that you’d like to abnegate the life experiences and identities of?
Sis?
If I doubt anyone’s sincerity, it’d be you. Right now.
Cause a sister should know it ain’t that arbitrary.
I think you’re the one who thinks it’s secondary to some abstraction.
I think you are perhaps not being honest with us, shall we say.
Yes rowan I am VERY seriousShannon Minter said that himself .. dont believe me go look it up.
At least someone in your orgs seems to understand what is going on. Better late than never maybe ..
Now … what have I been saying on this thread ?
ugh .. yeah!
again rowanI could care less what you think about me
And I just caught thisYou claim to know all about me, but weren’t even paying attention:
“I had anotomical parts that didnt fit my view of myself. Obviously, you were not unhappy with yours but thats your business. ”
How does that figure into you claiming to know all about me having had a hard time getting surgery, which I did and am glad to have, despite that it was hard and damaging to get where I am, …and saying that ‘it ain’t everything, but it’s really important?’ That, even, ’Nothing’s more painful till it’s done but that’s only the start of accepting your whole life? Past and all?’
You don’t listen, but you judge.
Apparently you have your own whole website to claim that anyone but you and those who ditto you are ‘not real TSes?’
Where does that end, Leigh?
A lot of the people who take that position don’t pass as well as they think.
Me, I still haven’t found the most decorous way to say, ’Umm, I would rather talk to my primary care doctor about pap smears.’ Especially cause somehow half the corporate world seems to have decided I am both Mr. and Mrs Me.
It’s not a freaking competition, Leigh.
Even on the Internet. Half the reason a lot of people who aren’t us think they know all about ‘transgender’ is cause….. They only hear from noobs and you.
Who?Who’s that, who’s said what, and do I have ‘My orgs?’
You’re still claiming that my lack of agreeing with your homophobia and transphobia must mean I didn’t want surgery.
I’m .. Very content, there. I just don’t think it is the legal boilerplate you seem to want to hurt others to convince yourself it is.
Where does that end?
Or are you ….Not being honest with us, yourself?
Understand, LeighIf I capitulated to you and said, ’Of course you’re 100 percent right, Leigh.’
It would not help you in Nikki Araguz’ situation.
And that’s what started this.
A very valid point by Autumn as to how that does not actually demonstrably help. In actual fact happening as we speak.
Or, less politelyI could be the Stepford Post Op to Donald Trump.
It would not help. If a straight with a cheap lawyer said boo.
It’s not even about transpeople, there. Straights get ugly over marriage, inheritance, property. They can be horrible to each other. People who wouldn’t give my great aunt the time of day all their lives, came out of the woodwork trying to claim her assets before she was even dead.
She gave me a can of peanuts and a glass flower. Said it was all she had.
“Real?’
I’ll tell you what was real.
That can of peanuts.
People will do that to their own mother.
Do you think Harry Benjamin will do you better?
It’s not even about transpeople, there. Straights get ugly over marriage, inheritance, property. They can be horrible to each other. People who wouldn’t give my great aunt the time of day all their lives, came out of the woodwork trying to claim her assets before she was even dead.
She gave me a can of peanuts and a glass flower. Said it was all she had.
“Real?’
I’ll tell you what was real.
That can of peanuts.
People will do that to their own mother.
Do you think Harry Benjamin will do you better?
Aria, You put words in mouth..We who identify as a part of a broad community of subcommunities are not the same, but there are commonalities between all of the communities.
You’re apparently just reading in — apparently through your own filters — to what you believe I’m saying. I know I’m saying no such things as what you indicate I’m saying.
Have at that filtering if you will, but from my perspective you’re putting words in my mouth that I’m not actually saying.
But, as SuzyQ has mentioned in this thread, if you really were over this and just saw yourself as a woman, you wouldn’t be out here as a woman of surgical history.
It seems obvious to me that you are thinking about this a lot if you’re here trying to make points about it here in an LGBT blog, as well as having your own blog where you discuss such things. **shakes head**
In other words, I don’t belive you when you’re saying that your not worrying about this. It just looks to me that you are.
And, it’s kind of sad that your peers and you are still commenting on this thread thats long off the PHB front page. To me, it’s not just that you’re thinking about this a lot, but it appears that your peers are thinking about this alot too — it appears to me that y’all are thinking about this more than even I do.
Error.It isn’t meant to shout you down, Leigh. It’s meant to open your eyes and your ears.
The only way such things can shut you down is if you refuse to open those eyes and ears. To recognize that they are trying to tell you something.
But rather than listen, you disbelieve and deny.
ThenIf we’re in such mutual personal disdain….
How about the legal realities?
What side’s the bread really buttered on, and is it really me you wanna ‘flip for it’ about for some reason?
Could be, AutumnThat there’s some unresolved things about it.
I suppose for the same reason the same people still want to go after me for relating my own past, they’ll go after you for being prominently out.
I say sincerely to be careful, cause a little ’celebrity’ does in fact go way too far in our cases, sis, but I know you should understand the instinct to hide as well as anyone.
It’s ingrained.
Seems to come out all manner of ways on the Net.
They do you wrong, Autumn, but they’re part of what you may be representing, They may not show it to you, but I ask of you some compassion, too.
Fact is, in many ways, I’m more like them than I am like you.
And I for one am very proud of you. (And caution in some respects to take it easy. We’re a distracting kind of people, any time we announce ourselves. )
But this isn’t the argument they say it is.
It’s about promises and fears you may or may not know.
There’s an archetype of the ‘angry tranny.’
Could be stupid, but that’s us, too. Not without reason.
It’s my sincere hope that whatever it’s about for the next generation… It’s not this.
One thing I’m sure of is any of us could do better than that. (One thing they’re right about is, that none of us get far without treating a certain amount of adversity like Chiclets. :) )
So, do let’s. Just don’t forget. K? Sis?
Everyone else in the world gets a closet once in a while. Or, maybe, Lady willing, a home. We deserve that, too.
Easy goes. As for our LGBT brethren, there’s ‘being stand-up’ and then there’s ‘drawing fire.’
Just pay attention, it’ll be OK. :)
ArchetypeAhem. Who you callin an archetype, gal?
gives appropriate stare
I’m a gosh durn honest to goodness stereotype, by gum.
(ok, sorry, pragamtic in-jokes probably not going to go over well here…)
Oh myyyyy…You do have your haughty nose in the air don’t you, darling?
First of all, my dear bigot, I started reading at two years old, so I happen to be able to express myself with aLOT more ability than yourself.
Second, I’m as much a lipstick lesbian as anyone else. It’s just that I’m 50 years old, sweetcheeks… how many overweight old women do you see wearing makeup, let alone as much as they did in their 20s and 30s without looking like a clown?
Third, I find assimilationists like yourself as someone to be pitied. To deny what you are, is to deny your very soul. Just because you were lucky enough to have the money to get your surgery doesn’t make you any better than me, just as my NOT being able to afford surgery doesn’t make me any less than you.
Some bigot who reads you as trans (no matter how much you deny that fact) isn’t going to care how passable or pretty you are when they slam that baseball bat against your head. All they care about is sending a message to that “freaks like you” aren’t welcome in “normal” society.
I’d love for you to spew your bile at the mothers of Angie Zapata, or Tyra Hunter, or Gwen Araujo, or the two transyouth about six years ago who were shot in DC for being trans, or the family members of all those we remember every November 20th at the International Transgender Day of Remembrance.
FYI my bigoted, ignorant friend, I went to job interviews dressed in a nice skirt, hose, heels, pretty blouse and appropriate makeup, and NOT the attitude here!
Finally, I wouldn’t want to work for an elitist b!tch like you in the first place…
Just for you sweetpea ….
Luck had NOTHING to do with it. Not that its any of your damned business, but just for you whether you want to believe it or not ….
In 79 I caught a westbound 747 on a one way ticket is all I could afford. Totally penniless when I arrived in the states I sold my blood to get food and I worked and lived on the street while I got enough money together to get an apartment. I got a job and I bootstrapped my way up, turning tricks when I had to, two stints in the pokey. My friends were common street girls, a pimp in downtown hollywood ca., and my own will to succeed and overcome. By 81, I had enough money together to buy a small telephone answering business along with a girlfriend and we worked that business 24/7, taking turns 12 hours on and 12 off, 7 days a week, sleeping on a single cot in the back room. We did that for next 3 years while we saved enough money for SRS. During this time I wasnt even a legal resident….
… So whats your excuse you pathetic, discriminated against, 50 yo with an attitude ?
Ah. Too personal — warnings all around.Not only you Leigh, but others in this sub-thread have gone in that ad hominem direction.
Calling someone “pathetic” is not okay here; calling someone “ignorant one” is not okay here…etc., etc. Too many examples of ad hominem here in this sub-thread to point out all of ‘em — but there are way too many of ‘em here.
So, y’all must knock off the ad hominem arguments and name-calling here at PHB. Ad hominem arguments with the non-public figures in our threads violate the Pam’s House Blend Terms And Conditions Of Service.
Apologies Autumn .. But as you can seeshe started out with the attacks … She could have been a bit more civil in the first place.
I don’t forget the “why” of my mission and vision. Roz Kaveney’s Six Axioms Of Trans Activism and Bayard Rustin’s statement on antigay sentiments (and by extension, on antitrans sentiment) guide my activism. These are part of my personal mission and vision statement.
So, Rowan, I so know what I’m doing, and know why I’m doing it. You just can call me a loud voice for radical inclusivity. =)
My apologies too!I let my anger regarding Leigh’s elitism get the best of me. Will do better, I promise!
My storyFirst of all, Leigh, in 1979, I was 19 just out of high school and in college.
Second of all, I live in the wilderness of northwest Ohio, not in the happy land of LA where you can get anything legally and illegally (including hormones, silicone pumping, etc).
Third, I do admire you for lifting yourself up out of the street and being a success. Not all of us are that lucky dear. You just forgot where you came from, that’s all when you were able to get your surgery.
Bitter, hell yes I’m bitter! Don’t tell me to move to Happy Valley there in LA, cause I would’ve been chewed up and spit out and most likely floating somewhere off Catalina Island.
I have two passions which pay off so much more than your business, Leigh — I’m a guest lecturer to the various colleges and universities in my area, and talk to students from a wide range of classes on gender and sexuality. I also have a radio show Mondays at 4-5pm ET on WFAL called TransTalk.
So go ahead and be snug with your surgery and your elitism… I’ll take my sisters Autumn and Dissonance any day.