Image: James Hartline; Link: Cartoon Network Audio On Pride WeekendI don’t remember bee swarms being in the ten Egyptian plagues, but here in San Diego, bee swarms are obviously a sign that either God hates Teh Homosexuals, or God hates a colorful parade…or maybe it’s  a “both” like Certs with Retsyn® — both a candy mint AND a breath mint at the same time!

Why would I say such a horrid thing about God either hating Teh Homosexuals, colorful parades, or both? Because James Hartline tells us God sent a swarm of bees to Lemon Grove, California (a city in San Diego County) for holding a gay event. No, I’m not making this up — from his July 13, 2010 blog piece Queen Bees Are A Bitter Sting For Small San Diego Town: Lemon Grove Attacked By Massive Bee Swarms After Homosexuals March For Gay Pride Event:

A July 10th march and celebration for homosexuality in the small San Diego County town of Lemon Grove has been followed up by massive and catastrophic bee swarms that sent people living in Lemon Grove to the hospital today. In the past several hours, firefighters were going door to door to warn citizens in Lemon Grove to remain indoors.

Elderly couple attacked by bees in Lemon Grove By Karen Kucher, UNION-TRIBUNE STAFF WRITER Tuesday, July 13, 2010 at 5:15 p.m.

Lemon Grove, which is a small town in eastern San Diego, has been the location of ever increasing homosexual activism.

From the San Diego Union-Tribune article that Hartline quotes:

LEMON GROVE – A couple in their 70s were taken to the hospital after being stung by bees Tuesday, and firefighters directed nearby residents to “shelter in place” to get away from the swarm.

A sheriff’s spokesman said deputies shut down Mount Vernon Street between Bonita and Main streets after the swarm was reported around 1:15 p.m.

…The beehive was in a tree in the front yard of the couple’s home and had been maintained by them for several years, Taff said.

Firefighters, wearing protective gear — including bee hoods — were protected from the bees, Taff said. “There was one firefighter who got stung a couple of times,” he said.

Y’know, it’s just as likely that swarms of bees could be sent from God just because he doesn’t like colorful parades as much as it’s likely that God doesn’t like San Diego Pride. Even if one believes in the activist God of the Old Testament — the one that visited ten plagues on — it’s highly unlikely that God is sending swarming bees to punish San Diegans because God doesn’t care for either lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender people, or (my pet theory!) that God doesn’t care for colorful parades.

Image: Bees SwarmingBut wait! Like a Ronco infomercial with more “Now, how much would YOU pay?” items, there’s more in Hartline’s connecting of bee swarms and San Diego Pride in the blog article Nature Responds With A Stinging Rebuke To Gay Pride: Mass Stingings In San Diego Coastal Waters And Recent Bee Stingings.

Nature responds with a stinging rebuke to gay pride: Mass stingings in San Diego coastal waters and recent bee stingings.

30 people stung by rays at La Jolla Shores

By Karen Kucher, UNION-TRIBUNE STAFF WRITER

Susan Shroder, Union-Tribune Staff Writer

Originally published July 14, 2010 at 4:02 p.m.,

updated July 14, 2010 at 4:57 p.m.

Thirty people were stung by stingrays at La Jolla Shores and Blacks Beach Wednesday, officials said. One was taken to a hospital. Blacks Beach is a nudist beach in San Diego where homosexual activists engage in public sexual immorality. Today’s dire event at the beaches coincides with yesterday’s rash of bee stingings in the Lemon Grove area of San Diego where homosexual activists held a gay pride celebration at the local library. Yesterday, the San Diego City Council declared Gay Pride month in the city of San Diego and the opening of a gay pride history exhibit in the lobby of the San Diego city hall.

Image: The Killer Bees of Saturday Night LiveHoly cow, Batman! The killer bees on a mission from God are here!

Or, perhaps not.

But from the Prophet James Hartline, we learn God and he are going to win against Teh Homosexuals. From the blog article The dark & demonic warriors of Satan descended upon San Diego this weekend to promote the Gay Pride Parade & Festival: Why They Will Not Win This War!:

The dark and demonic warriors of Satan descended upon San Diego this weekend to promote the Gay Pride Parade and Festival. Despite having politicians and police officers, celebrities and gay marriage activists all marching for the Devil, the media reports that the forces of the radical gay agenda cannot complete their Sodomic takeover of San Diego. The San Diego Union Tribune reports, “Pride: Celebrating a battle still not won.”

They cannot win this battle, nor shall they win the battle in the future. For I have been annointed by God to make my stand in the midst of this battle and this Gay Goliath can go no farther then the ground I relinquish to the enemy. And, with the help of God, I shall not relinquish one single inch of territory to the enemies of the Lord of Heaven and Earth.

Perhaps when The Prophet Hartline throws a staff on the floor and it turns into a snake, I’ll 1.) appreciate the metaphor of the miracle, and 2.) I’ll believe he’s a real prophet who can foretell the outcome of culture war battles.

But wow, what an epic story James Hartline tells in true Biblical fashion, with all the flair (and flare!) of an Old Testament prophet. Emoticon: GigglingSo, I say we add the story of the plague of swarming bees to the Bible’s new book of Hartline, and insert that book between the books of Habakkuk and Zephaniah.