Personally, I’d say go and don’t come back…Unless you’re visiting the family. I used to live in a very hostile, anti gay community in CA-I moved there after my mother died. I lived for a time with my dad and stepmother who threw me away as soon as I turned 18. Looking back, I wish I had gotten out of that place sooner, but I didn’t. I stayed there for 15 years-by the time I got out, I had just turned 5 years sober, and realized that place wasn’t home.
I moved to Long Beach, and noticed the difference immediately. I’ve been here ever since, and since my dad and stepmother are no longer living (and I stopped talking to them in 1984 anyway) I have no reason to go anywhere NEAR that place.
I said all that to say this; Constance seems to be a lot like me at that age-very intelligent and self aware. I think she understands that it’s not a good idea to stay there, especially since she’s probably going to college. I hope that she does get out of there and never looks back, because I know what it’s like to go from a place where you are looked down on and treated lower than sh*t to a place where you’re not. I couldn’t breathe when I was Constance’s age. I can breathe now. And my greatest wish for her is the same.  

And..one more point…Like I said in the other thread about this, it doesn’t seem like the people of Fulton are giving Constance much of a choice about this. I cannot believe that SOME ONE-either an adult or another kid-didn’t bring Constance aside and tell her about the ‘other prom’. Like you said above, Pam-she faced off with an ENTIRE TOWN over this. I would definitely assume that Constance is not welcome back in Fulton after she gets out of college. And if I were her father, I’d probably get the hell out of there too.  

HmmWell running and never looking back is pretty much the best option. It’s not her job to “fix” that town and towns like that seek to eliminate the different rather than be changed by it. For her sanity, she’ll have to make that decision herself, but she’ll have more mental health and be able to fight for bigger fights with the safety and comity inherent in moving somewhere more tolerant.
If she chooses to stay and fight, that’s her perogative, but it will be a battle that will weigh heavily on her and have her constantly beat down emotionally and possibly ending up dead.
Personally, given the attacks on self-esteem, I say, why deal with it quite so one on one. She doesn’t even need to go far for one hell of an uphill battle. If she wants to fight against a losing battle against a bigoted population, a move to Mobile or Atlanta will give her ample opportunity.
Frankly, I say why bother, let the world evolve around that tiny town, and let them kick and scream when its too late. Let them end up like the teabaggers, carefully driving out the brown people from your sundown town only to turn on the TV to President Barack Obama.
There’s enough work to be done everywhere else that I’d be ill-tempted to ever encourage her to fight such a long-shot when she is not actually physically trapped.

And those snotty remarks on Facebook prove my point…WHY stay in that? WHY? Like Cerberus said, it’s not her job to “fix” that s*it hole. It’s not like she’s welcome or even wanted there now.  

Out into the world to grow, back home to bring growthI went to the prom with my girlfriend well over 20 years ago. While the school did not exercise advance restraint against me, this was not at all supported and had never been done before.
It was, needless to say, the BIG story of my little town’s social year. I dropped out not long after that, moved to SF and started my life.
Years later, I was visiting home and some local kids approached me to ask for help forming a GSA–they had been told, illegally and erroneously, that the school could turn them down based on the group’s viewpoint. I got them hooked up with Lambda, which they did not know existed, and they passed it on.
My high school now hosts the regional GSA events and is spreading the good word to little towns where they play 6 to a side football.
I’m proud to know that my infamy led to real change that is helping a lot of kids today. And it is my strongest wish for Constance, who has shown great character through all this drama, that she too will live to see the results of her bravery…first from a safe place where she can find out who she is beyond ‘that one gay girl’.
In the networked world where we live, I’m not sure how important it is for her to be back in Mississippi. But that may be where Constance feels she belongs once she’s had the chance to grow up, and that’s okay.
More personally: I’ve had dozens of my former classmates approach me in the past decade to make amends for their bullying and abuse, or to apologize for having failed to act right back then. It is my assumption that the 17 year olds of Fulton, MS, are not lower of character and more lacking in ethical sense than the kids of my hometown, but instead are very similar to the ignorant, misguided children of rural poverty I grew up with.
Therefore I expect Constance will hear those same apologies in her future. It may be 20 years away, but those who get out into the world or let the world in on them will eventually need to address their actions this week from that perspective.
In the meantime, all we can do is hope for everyone to stay calm while they work through the question, What do I want to be when I grow up?

the question is more a hypotheticalConstance is a stand-in for those who live in gay-hostile environments. That she stood up makes her a target, and for her own sake, no one would bat an eyelash if she left for good. But think — she wasn’t the only gay person in Mississippi. Many stay there because it’s their home too. I reviewed the Kevin Smith doco small town gay bar for Queer Beacon:

It was a wonderful look at what social life is like for gays in the rural South. I mean really rural — the two Mississippi bars profiled were in Shannon (pop. 1,657) and Meridian (39,968). Durham, for comparison’s sake has an estimated pop. of 204,845.
Watching this film is like going back in time if you live in a progressive area or large city; the closet is a necessity here, as you might imagine. Being out can be a death sentence for these people. The bar is their only refuge, their only time to let their hair down, be themselves and feel safe to be who they are, as gays, lesbians, trans, black, white — all that matters is that you know you aren’t alone. Drag queens had a home to perform out and proud at Rumors and Crossroads (now called Different Seasons).
…You may ask, why on earth do these gay folks stay in these tiny towns? They are subjected to the possible loss of a job if someone outs you, shunning by family, or worse, you end up like Scotty Weaver. Kate and I talked about this for a while, but it’s pretty clear that for many gays in rural areas, their fear of living in a hostile world like this is actually less stressful than the thought of living in a large, urban environment. The “big city” for them may be a 2-3 hour drive away, and it seems an inhospitable, cold place in comparison to the world they know and make for themselves. back home, hidden in the shadows of bars tucked away, deep in the woods.
It’s both easy and difficult to understand. But the overwhelming theme running through this film is that we are everywhere. No matter how tight the bible belt is pulled, your tiny town has LGBT citizens, and they are making their space. The battle for survival and to be out in small towns is the last frontier. It’s coming, and people like Wildmon are desperate to lean on that closet door to keep it firmly shut with their hate tactics. In the end, these fundies are going to lose.

It’s up to herIt’s her life.
I personally plan to stay a few years in my bigoted state but eventually practicality sits in.
Sure it feels good to stay and “fight the good fight” but goodness forbid something negatives happens to the woman I love in say a medical emergency and had we lived somewhere else the outcome would have been better, I don’t know if I could live with myself.
I think she’s already affected change despite the cruelness of her classmates.
In my high school I was known as “that gay girl,” “the lesbian,” “that smart lesbian,” or “that dyke.” I know I wasn’t the only lesbian but it was like I was known for being the smart lesbian. I noticed a change in some of my classmates just by being honest about having a girlfriend, making jokes about myself, etc.
In the end, it’s Constance’s life and she’s already accomplished a HELL of a lot by standing up for herself.

It depends.How attached was she to her hometown before her sexuality became an issue? I was happy to leave Arizona and never look back, but I had been wanting to do that since before I knew what the word gay even meant. If she is attached to her hometown, then I say stay, or at least visit periodically. If not, only come back to visit her parents.

I loved my town till I GRAD HS….But not the people in it!….Would go back now just for the geography and climate.She can DO more on a bigger stage… that might come through on a road tour sometime but not permanently. 

Also depends on how soon those SO BOYS! pick up on the…African way to … teach a lez a lesson.Here from LGR..  http://tinyurl.com/ ygf6emd WATCH IT, graphic photos and story. 

I don’t think she has any choice but to leaveThe bigots have one this round: the safest course of action for her would be to make a strategic retreat.
Once she is safely out of the line of fire, however, let the lawsuits begin. The school, the district, the parents and every single student who attended the alternative prom should be charged with gross violation of Ms McMillen constitutional and civil rights.

Hmmmgirls only in the photos. Where are the boys, gals? Hmmm? Hiding something?
Fuck them and that piece of shit town. Constance rules.

Given my article…coming out tomorrow, I think I’d best just bow out now.
I’m going to be told off big time.

Who’s “job” is it to educate? What about other queer kids after Constance?The majority, or the privileged, marginalize and discriminate and disempower the “out” group (and worse).  With all this baggage, the targets of all of that b.s. often become activists and educators as a corrective experience or even a matter of survival.  And allies from the privileged groups are sometimes so profoundly shaken by injustice that they also become activists and educators.  But isn’t this another result of marginalization?
The majority group gets to dream across the full spectrum of possibility, because their existence is not being marginalized or threatened.  I hope we all claim those dreams for ourselves too – including but not limited to being activists and educators on behalf of ourselves or others.  I hope Constance continues to claim her power and self-actualize as if she was as naturally free and equal as every other soul, as indeed she is.
But what about the queer kids growing up all around the world in the shadow of oppressive communities and families?  What about the queer kids to be who are left behind in Fulton, Mississippi?  Is it Constance’s burden to take responsibility for them, and also for the ignorant straight kids, and some way someday address what happened to her back in that environment to lessen the chance that the same evil will play out again?  And subject herself to more abuse in the process?  The ones who should take on the burden of educating are those in the privileged group, so as not to further burden the rest of us with the shortcomings of the ignorant among them.  Males should educate other males about gender bias, white folks should educate our own about race bias, Christians about religious bigotry, etc.  Yeah, I see the problems here.  But still.
When families and communities still turn their queer kids out into the street, whose spiritual, physical, emotional, psychological responsibility are these kids’?  Us LGBT adults … strangers who have never met them?  We are their tribe.  They are beautiful faeries born to mortals who too often don’t understand and fear and loathe them.  Will passing laws and taking stands like Constance has inform enough minds and change enough hearts, that one day, varying sexual orientations and gender identities will be widely accepted in families?  And coming of age might include proud declarations and celebrations of nonconforming identities?

I just checked out the Facebook pageMost of the comments left are in support of Constance. Prides me to see how many are showing how Stoopid the gay haters really are.

@ techbear: Don’t give it to the Bigots…They have won precious little, here.  They kept one girl from prom, but prompted a federal bench to rule that the straights-only garbage that the school district was trying to pull violates the rights of gay students.  Not only have they left themselves in an actionable position, but every school that might want to follow their lead knows it could cost them a fortune.

I left a hateful small townand never went back, I was adult at the time, and had my home grafitted with anti queer sh*t and AIDS hate.
That f*ckin town could wash away in a flood, drowning everyone of 75 people, and I wouldn’t give a sh*t less.
Constance get the hell out of there, and find the biggest LGBT ghetto to live your life away from all that crud.

I was raised in Minneapolisand returned to Minneapolis gay neighborhood, so I had none of the culture shock of moving from small town to an urban location.
Actually rural Louisiana is the biggest culture shock to me.

Go! Don’t come back!Life is too short to waste time on ignorant hateful people.
I grew up in the Midwest, nothing like the environment Constance is in. But 17 years ago I moved to NYC and am grateful nearly everyday I did so. I personally know I’ve been exposed to millions of wonderful and people I never would have in a million years in my Podunk town.
Hell, I hopped on the subway and got to personally ask a senior member of the US House of Representatives a question at a small forum.
She doesn’t need to enlighten them, she can go out and find people that will challenge HER to be even smarter and stronger than she is today.    

Not to mention againthat it has exposed that little town’s bigotry to the world and made them a mockery of civilized people.

She should do what she wants to doShe is obviously a strong person and if she feels determined to stay than I’m sure she has her own support network to fall back on (she thankfully has her family and certainly has the support of nearly every lgbt person and many straight people across the country). Likewise, if she is determined to go than so be it: It’s her life and she undoubtedly deserves more than that hick town. Plus, to echo you all, she is by no means obligated to become an activist and shouldn’t feel pressured to do so.
She really is everything I wish I could have been at 16; She is everything so many of us wished we could have been at 16. I think that is why she has galvanized us so. She has managed to be out, open and fighting for her rights in one of the most hateful parts of the country. I couldn’t even manage that in the considerably more gay-friendly Midwestern suburb that I grew up in…

The Other Seven…I’m a bit curious about the other seven kids who weren’t invited- were they gay, gay-friendly or just not the popular kids? I’m hoping they were supporters of Constance- it would prove that someone is on her side there!

Her job?It’s not necessarily Constance McMillen’s job (to open the minds of the people who live in places like Fulton, Mississippi).  It’s our job.  
Rather than just give up on a place, with the expectation that gay people will just leave as soon as they can, shouldn’t we demand that gay people should be able to live, unoppressed, wherever they want?
It’s good to see whatever signs of progress there are, and people — especially kids — who live in the red states need to know that there is hope, not just for them but for their peers as well.  

I’m Abstaining.Unlike a lot of people here, I haven’t had and won’t have to face what she has, so I’m in no position to judge whether she should or shouldn’t face it again.

She’s actually 18, I thinkBut that’s a small detail. I agree with you! She knows best for herself.

The last time I saw her talk about this in an interviewshe said that she was planning to at least start college in Mississippi and then maybe transfer. Hopefully, that scholarship check will make it a little easier for her to go wherever she wants.

I haven’t seen my grandmother in over 30 years becauseI refuse to step into the State of Mississippi.  
LEAVE CONSTANCE AND NEVER GO BACK!!!!!!!!!!!

ConstanceAs far as I’m concerned, Constance has already done enough in her small town to rattle the thinking of her neighbors.  She has called attention to the prejudice and bigotry of her community.  It’s up to her neighbors now to make changes if they so choose.  If Constance wants to leave, she should feel no guilt, and there should be no pressure from those outside her community to make her feel guilty.  
And yes, there certainly was a prom, judging from all those hideous dresses.

This isn’t really about just ConstanceThis is really about all of us. I didn’t get bullied in high school for being gay but plenty of my friends did. Hell I am 6’4″ and 500lbs I have never been bullied for my sexuality! But by the same token there are times when running away is just the wrong thing to do. Personally I think we should fight fire with fire. We should have a gay prom in her town for her and her girlfriend and Gay inc. from both coast and gay-friendly Hollywood should consider making an appearance. I doubt it has to be much to make it the biggest event that Podunk town will ever have, but I bet no small town across this country looking to lay low and remain bigoted will ever pull this stunt again. I can just see the envious wicked little children having a conniption fit when some of their favorite actors throw a Hollywood level bash and they are not invited! Or the towns people cursing the generators and news vans that show up and litter their streets with cables for a night. The rotating spot lights should be especially festive as well as the BYOGC invitation: “Bring your own gay couple”! But then again maybe we should just encourage her to run and not do anything to really give her some real get back at her town….* Evil Smirk *

Almost forgotAs long as we are dreaming let’s film it and use it as a video on Mtv and let that thing run over and over and over and over…

Can we clear something up?I am more and more seeing the “AND NOBODY – NOBODY – EVEN TOLD HER!” thing.
In statements she has released, she has made it clear that she knew about the other dance, and had discussed it with at least one other student. She also knew that she was explicitly not invited to it.
This isn’t about some prank they pulled over on her (or worse, that she was too stupid to see.) She knew the score and made her decisions eyes open. I don’t have the specific quote but it was along the lines of “I went to the dance I was invited to. I didn’t want to go to the one I wasn’t invited to.”
This seems like a small detail, but it is the sort of detail that the bigots will use to invalidate the whole situation. The more we play up that “they kept it all a secret” the more “No, here’s proof she knew about the other dance” will turn into “she made her own decision which dance to go to just like all the other kids – see, she was treated equally.”
And the sheer outright bigotry will get plowed under.
It also doesn’t give her nearly the credit she deserves for the courage of her convictions.

Reports arethat two of them were “learning disabled” kids. No word on the rest.
Most people are assuming that all seven were equally pranked or excluded from the “cool people” prom. And that might be true. It is also possible that at least a few of them were invited to the other dance and wanted nothing to do with it.
I would love to know. It will make a big difference in casting the inevitable movie version of this.

That’s taking it a bit far“…and every single student who attended the alternative prom should be charged with gross violation of Ms. McMillen constitutional and civil rights.”
Since when is attending a prom a constitutional or civil right? Just wondering.
I would have loved for her to attend the prom but I don’t see attending a prom as a constitutional or civil right.

I agree“If Constance wants to leave, she should feel no guilt, and there should be no pressure from those outside her community to make her feel guilty.”
Right on!

The judge said Ms. McMillen had a right to attend the promThe students conspired — successfully, for what it is worth — to deprive her of that right. Why should they not be charged?

My fear is that her life is in dangerShe was receiving death threats before for “getting the prom cancelled.” Now that the town has revealed itself to be the incredibly mean-spirited and bigoted community that it is, and with the vast outpouring of criticism it is receiving as a result, I fear that it is only a matter of time before the town retaliates physically.
Moving to a safe place does not change the fact that her basic rights were violated, and should not interfere with a lawsuit.

Write them a letter, I just didIAHS
11900 Hwy 25 South
Fulton, MS 38843
This is what I wrote -
Mr Wiygul (principal)
Mr Mitchell, (asst principal)
Thank you so much for helping our Lord Jesus Christ in keeping those Learning Disabled and Lesbians form mixing with our Godly Christian youth. Sending them to their own fake prom was an inspiration from God himself. Please congratulate the whole student body on my behalf.
P.S. What are your thoughts about putting the retards and queers in camps like the Nazi’s did?
Yours in glorious Christ,

Maybe not only write to her but start writing the EveryoneThis really reflects poorly on the whole damn state of Missippi. The governor the Senators and all. But I can’t help but think that the response should come from a whole community and not just a bunch of onlookers. After all an entire community got together and dissed her. They need to know that has a community that is just unacceptable behavior.

Yeah, I was going to point out this an idealcircumstance where straight allies can come in most handy. Let our straight friends and family who miss us work to change attitudes. If they don’t confront the homophobia in their midst, who can they blame us for fleeing to urban centers where we can live our lives with a modicum of respect and dignity?

No shameThe good christian folk of Fulton, Mississippi feel no shame for their vile bigotry. Why should Constance McMillen feel shame at turning her back on them and walking away?
These people still have “whites-only” proms, FFS. They’re sick, and there is no cure.

The different types of wrongA thing can be morally, ethically wrong and nevertheless be a violation of neither criminal nor civil law.
Technically, the school did sponsor a prom “open to all” even though most of the students decided not to attend.
According to Constance McMillen’s published quotes, not even this cruel stunt can break her big, beautiful heart.

Two students with learning difficulties were among the seven people at the country club event, McMillen recalls. “They had the time of their lives,” McMillen says. “That’s the one good thing that come out of this, [these kids] didn’t have to worry about people making fun of them [at their prom].”

I have a friend in Minneapolis.He likes it better than suburban Chicago because he finds it a comfortable place to be openly gay because everyone around him seems to be fairly different in some way.  Lots of goths, for example.  Did you find the same thing there?

I spent awhile learning WAY more about the county Fulton is located in and businesses thereThere is a copper fittings and pipe company, lots of lumber and saw mills.Didn’t find a huge employer that boycotting would really hurt MOST of this rathole….so far.

A question…I’m not as up on the minute details of this as I’d like to be but, as I commented on Facebook, I’d like to see Constance move and then sue all involved for the expenses she incurs – a kind of citizenship analogue to ‘constructive discharge’ (where you’re not literally fired, but the employer and/or co-workers make life at work so hellish that you have to quit to survive; the law recognizes this as actionable.)
In addition to that, however, I have a question (multi-part) regarding the fake prom (and if this has been addressed elsewhere, just ignore me here):
- Was this explicitly represented to her as being ‘the real prom’?  
- Did she shell out any money based on a reasonable expectation that she was going to ‘the real prom’?  
- Was anyone connected with the school district involved with the deception?
Hopefully, you don’t need to be a lawyer to know where I’m going with this….

I loved inner city Minneapolis, except the weatherThere have been some recent problems with Somalli immigrants which hang out in a cafe near the older gay ghetto, there’s been bashings.
Uptown was the bigger gay neighborhood I lived in, and it’s safe, and filled with small shops and restaurants.

I seem to write this comment a lot.
Once again, my decision to never again travel South of the Mason/ Dixon Line is reinforced.

Take the Money and RUn!But seriously, she should leave.  She will probably end up dead if she stays.  And screw Mississippi, it is now, even more so, a laughing stock of the global community. WTG…

Touching and respectful column for Constane at HuffPo Michael Seitzman   http://www.huffingtonpost.com/…
He asks every city, town and village in America to invite Constance to their prom via ACLU MS.
   http://www.aclu-ms.org/

Constance…oops

Yeah!Just like most of the other hate sites on FB, the LGBT community took it over!

More web addresses!Northeast Mississippi Daily Journal: http://nems360.com/
The Itawamba County Times: http://www.itawamba360.com/
Fill those comment sections with positive words about Constance! The area’s the home for that lovely hate group, Donnie Wildmon’s so-called American “Family” Association, just to let y’all know!

i wrote tooat the nems360 site, in the comments for this article: Dual Itawamba proms could figure in court case
by Chris Kieffer/NEMS Daily Journal.  thanks for posting the link.
robin

For your own sanity, leave and don’t look backI’m originally from a very poor, small rural community in the midwest.  There truly are some few wonderful people that live in that town, and I mean that sincerely.
But on the whole, the people were uneducated and closed-minded.  Fundamentalist types, or just poor and uneducated and bitter about it.  I left in 1999, and then even race relations were still a major issue.  Forget about LGBT issues altogether, I saw horrible things happen to the one flamboyant, open gay guy in my high school.  I saw him beaten once.  I saw his his car vandalized beyond repair.  Small towns like that, and like Fulton, will destroy a gay person one way or another.  
Leave while you still have a chance at healing the damage they have inflicted upon you.  My family still lives in that town and I visit them occassionally, but they love me and are understanding of the fact that I could not live there and be happy, or even content.  
The world – shoot, even just our country alone – has    so much to offer.  Explore it.  NYC, Seattle, San Diego, Chicago, Austin…even places like Denver and New Orleans can give you a good home.
Get the hell out of MS, leave it to the dogs.  Those people won’t change.  Even if the rest of the country has your back, and we do, you are far, far outnumbered by the angry bigots in Fulton, and they will poison your spirit if they can.  They’ll certainly be trying.  Leave, and have a chance at a happy life.  I did, and I’ve found peace and even some happiness.  
Maybe 2 or 3 generations from now things in Fulton will have improved some.  Maybe.  But that weight doesn’t have to be on your shoulders alone, Constance.  It’s not worth your happiness, or giving up your own chance at having a succesfull life.

CA?If you don’t mind my asking, where in CA? I have to wonder if it was close to my hometown.

Uptown is still safe.I’ve lived here for 5 years, 2 of them out, and I’ve never felt the slightest bit endangered.
Spring in Minneapolis, I could not imagine a better place on Earth.

Is this reality, or an episode of “Glee”?In the end the townspeople are the losers
When St. Peter has a question for them at the pearly gates  ”How did you treat the least among you?”

we’re going north in late May for 2 weeksHopefully the lilacs and peonies will be blooming, I miss those here in LA.