“Oh, my God. That’s really messed up because the message they are sending is that if they have to let gay people go to prom that they are not going to have one. A bunch of kids at school are really going to hate me for this.”

–  Itawamba Agricultural High School student Constance McMillen, 18, after learning that the Fulton, Mississippi school canceled its prom rather than face a lawsuit over its ban on McMillen bringing a same-sex date — and wearing a tux.

And apparently the school doesn’t seem to care whether Constance may face retribution from her peers for its bigoted decision. She’s a “distraction.” (USAToday):

“Due to the distractions to the educational process caused by recent events, the Itawamba County School District has decided to not host a prom at Itawamba Agricultural High School this year,” school board members said in a statement.

In a brazen move, the school board urged that a private prom be organized so that they can legally ban McMillan from attending with her date and the attire of her choosing. How much deeper hate can adults foment over this young students request for equal access to her own school’s prom?

In the announcement, the school board encouraged the community to organize a private prom. “It is our hope that private citizens will organize an event for the juniors and seniors. “We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this causes anyone,” the statement concluded. School officials did not respond to calls seeking comment.

This level of “othering” is sick. For her brave stand, Constance will need some very good and equally brave peers to stand up for her in that community. And this chilling effect communicated by adults in Fulton is that it is willing to throw one young person under its bus and drive over her rather than contemplate that its policy and actions are wrong.

In other states, USAToday reports this kind of situation has been handled by schools in different ways, certainly with more ethical standards than the school system in Itawamba County.

• In Alabama, the Russellville school system changed its policy prohibiting a lesbian student from attending prom with her girlfriend after the ACLU got involved, Sun said.

• Salt Lake City-based Utah Pride Center hosts an annual “gay prom,” but executive director Valerie Larabee said districts have not enforced same-sex date prohibitions for years.

• In Florida, Prideline Youth Services has hosted a gay prom for South Florida high school students for 15 years. Executive Director Luigi Ferrer said all schools in the Miami-Dade County district allow same-sex couples to attend prom.

• In California, schools in the Los Angeles Unified School District allow same-sex dates.

And to put McMillan’s bravery into context, her town has a population of about 4,100. Take a look at this:

Itawamba County is a rural area of about 23,000 people in north Mississippi near the Alabama state line. It borders Pontotoc County, Miss., where more than a decade ago school officials were sued in federal court over their practice of student-led intercom prayer and Bible classes.

Anna Watson, a 17-year-old junior at the high school, was looking forward to the prom, especially since the town’s only hotspot is the bowling alley, she said.

“I am a little bummed out about it. I guess it’s a decision that had to be made. Either way someone was going to get disappointed – either Constance was or we were,” Watson said. “I don’t agree with homosexuality, but I can’t change what another person thinks or does.”

Yes, and it was Constance who lost this round — everyone else at Itawamba Agricultural High School now has the opportunity to swaddle and comfort their bias because the adults in charge have affirmed that this is ok.

Those of us in more affirming parts of the country need to step back and take a lesson from the young trailblazers like Constance McMillan, who ask the tough questions where the risk of blowback is high, and at the moment, success is likely to be low. It’s much easier to be an activist when ties to your local community are not placed on the line when you simply ask for the right to be yourself.