In the New York Times, Adam Nagourney has a long profile on under-siege Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, covering his “light-skinned/Negro dialect” dustup, his behind-the-scenes political maneuvers, and his personal life. I’m reading along and then this jumped out at me:
By reputation and appearance, Reid, who is 70, is one of the blander elected officials in Washington. Upon closer inspection, he is deeply and deceptively interesting. He is a senator from Nevada who hates gambling (“The only people who make money from gambling are the joints and government”); a backroom deal-maker who does not drink alcohol or coffee; a Washington celebrity who sniffs at the dinner-and-party circuit. “Senator Daschle went to dinner almost every night with someone,” he told me. “I go to dinner never, with anyone, during the week.” He does find time, at least twice a week, to slip on a pair of black Lycra stretch pants to do yoga with Landra at their apartment in the Ritz-Carlton. He has an intolerance for fat people, manifested in asides to aides who seem to be getting portly and an office staff that is suspiciously slim.
WTF? Well, as we know, social prejudice against fat people is still perfectly acceptable, and it’s legal in hiring practices as well, as it the case in Sen. Reid’s office. And in fact, we’re not talking only about the morbidly obese, garden variety obese, or just “thick” folks. How many already painfullythin models or actresses have been told that they are too fat for a job?
But when it crosses the line into politics, fatphobia becomes even more egregious and irrational. It’s often used to dismiss or ridicule political opinions. I can’t for the life of me figure out how what one weighs has anything to do with the value of what one says or writes. But it happens all the time.
Sen. Reid’s personal problem with fat people reminded me of David Mixner’s recent brave column, “On Being Fat.” David is an accomplished man in several areas – as a civil rights activist, an author, a political strategist participating in over 75 political campaigns, and served as an aide to former President Clinton. Despite that remarkable work, Mixner has had to repeatedly deal with open prejudice against him because of his weight.
I asked David if I could repost his essay here on the Blend and he was thrilled to share it with you. I mentioned to him how I was moved by it.
You hit the nail on the head about how much derision those of us who are less-than-svelte experience. I receive hate mail with “fat” tossed in for extra effort all the time, as if obesity alone is responsible for generating an opinion of any kind, lololol. I brush most of it off because those folks aren’t very bright, but I always know that for every one of those turds, there are educated people who dismiss my essays for the same reason unconsciously.
When I was asked to appear on CNN for the first time (2007), Mike Rogers blogged about it afterwards and, one of the commenters actually said “I like Pam, I just wish we had a prittier face representing liberals. looks sell, sorry?” Another said:
“I cant believe the talking progressive heads dont go on diets and loose some weight so we can get more people to like us. PUT DOWN THE BIG MAC STEP AWAY FROM THE MAC AND CHEESE JUST SAY NO TO DEEP FRIED FOODS!!!!”
I already was tentative about doing TV, but it has had a lasting effect on my reticence and self-consciousness about doing it. I know it’s irrational, but one gets tired of people investing too much of their evaluation on what I say based on what I look like.
The irony is that bit on CNN was about 30 lbs ago; having shedded it not because of pressure to do so, but due to chronic illness. But enough about me; here’s David’s eloquent essay. I hope this generates an interesting and worthwhile discussion, not silence.
Hell’s Kitchen Journal: On Being Fat
By David Mixner
Over the years, through being both right and wrong on key issues, it never ceases to amaze me the number of people who seize my weight as an opportunity to discredit my ideas. Some of the most vicious and cruel responses to my speeches and writings have come from always anonymous lowlifes who taunt that I shouldn’t be heard because I am a ‘disgusting fat pig’ or ‘obese political whore’ or ‘horrendously ugly fat pig.’ One would like to think that those words have no power over you but the fact of the matter is they always do. Bigotry of any sort, always cuts right to the bone.
Now, in writing this column, some of my friends urged me not to broach this topic. “Why draw attention to your weight and away from your ideas?” Well, has anyone seen a picture of me? I am fat. I am also attractive and proud. There is no question that losing weight would be helpful for my health. None of the surgeries and intensive care visits were a result of my weight, but it is true that my recovery time was prolonged from these last three years of health hell.
Amazingly, total strangers feel they have the right to pass judgment on a personal health issue. They have no qualms about saying “You ought to lose weight.” People would be appalled if I walked up to an amputee and said, “Do you know you are missing a leg?” Honestly, I am quite aware of my weight and have put on significant amounts during these three years of health crisis. Right now, I am in the process of losing that additional weight.
Even if I get down to a more reasonable size, I am never going to have Paul Newman’s eyes, Hugh Jackmans body nor the endowment of a famous porn star. I am what I am. A person with solid principles, values and beliefs. A kind person who loves unconditionally and has helped, I think, an enormous number of people over the years. The weight has not affected my brain nor any of my principles. I don’t think with my tummy. Oh yes, I do have a ‘handsome face’ and ‘beautiful eyes’ which I have heard over and over again.
More after the jump.
In tandem with nutritional habits learned in childhood or from personal traumas over one’s life, I firmly believe some people have a genetic marker determining the ability to gain or lose weight Coming from a somewhat poor family, my mother was a miracle worker in preparing meals that made us feel full, think we were getting great cuisines and stop us from going hungry. Often it would be cooked dough with chicken broth and creamy gravy poured over buttered white bread as our main course. That would be considered a special treat in my family. Lately I have realized how wonderful my mother was in making ends meet and at the same time make us feel we were getting special dishes. God bless her – she did really well given what was available.
Celebrations in childhood were always surrounded by food. The worst thing possible was to have someone at your table and not have enough food; the second worst thing was to leave any food uneaten. Food was a reward for getting older, longevity in marriage or getting an “A” on your report card.
What drove me to write today was not the ugly and cruel comments
both privately and publicly about my weight. I like who I am. Also am working hard after the last three years to get into better health. Anyone who chooses to judge me on my weight loses out on a pretty incredible person here. Because I have been given so much including the ability to put those comments in the proper place, it isn’t me I worry about. What bothers me are the millions and millions of increasingly obese young people who are the subjects of bullying, assault, discrimination, anger and cruelty. Society totally supports these actions directed at people who are overweight. Kids lose the ability to have a childhood, go to dances, to be popular and to contribute their gifts and talents because of their struggle with weight, despite the fact that near a third of Americans are overweight. It is all about appearance, not substance.So for them, I speak out today.
Zip the lip the next time you are about to pass judgment on someone’s weight. Trust me, they don’t need you to point it out – they know about their struggle. If you see someone be cruel, speak out. What was amazing to me when those comments appeared in web sites, no one took them on for being insensitive bigots. Instead, there was amazing silence. Maybe by speaking openly with my weight struggle I can inspire some young person battling with their weight to not give up on life as they deal with that issue. Perhaps they can be made to realize that a person can be successful and powerful and still have health issues.
For those who can’t resist judgment of me and my appearance, I can only say what they say in the south, “Well, bless your heart.”



When I was asked to
Over the years, through being both right and wrong on key issues, it never ceases to amaze me the number of people who seize my weight as an opportunity to discredit my ideas. Some of the most vicious and cruel responses to my speeches and writings have come from always anonymous lowlifes who taunt that I shouldn’t be heard because I am a ‘disgusting fat pig’ or ‘obese political whore’ or ‘horrendously ugly fat pig.’ One would like to think that those words have no power over you but the fact of the matter is they always do. Bigotry of any sort, always cuts right to the bone.
35 Comments



Just to add a little color to it, Pamyou could have said “juicy” or “big boned.”
I seriously think that specifically in Sen. Reid’s case and more generally in the case of the culture, it’s all tied up in the notion of sin; “gluttony” is one of the classical seven deadly sins.
Given a “sin” that visible, I suppose that people feel privileged to make all types of assumptions and judgments about you and the value of what you think based on how you look.
Of course, being fat isn’t that bad…sheesh, you have Oprah nowadays.
That alone is proof that fatphobia has not been around since 1985! (yes, that’s snark)
I think you’re beautiful, Pam.It’s the soul of the a**hole that said that that’s ugly. In fact, most of the “pretty” people I know are ugly on the inside.
Thanks for brininging this upI have had to battle my whole life over weight. Genetics certainly plays a part of it. I got fat at the age of 13 when my parents were divorced and my mother, sister and I went to live with my grandparents in Southern Pines North Carolina. They were poor working blue collar whites from Eastern North Carolina, early colonial settlers Scots/Irish, and ate alot of pork, fat back, cornbread, pigs feet and chicken pie with pastry. The mannerisms of the Neeley’s on the food channel remind me of my aunts and uncles from my mothers side of the family. Always chuckling. This “Precious” southern food was in contrast to the food I was fed while living with my educated Yankee father a New Englander Puritan, usually boiled meat potatoes and cabbage.
After the divorce, my mother loved me and felt guilty that I no longer had a father and would feed me food as a token of love.
Consequently, during puberty I was a fat kid, picked on in the schoolyard by other kids. Rather than go out for sports, I had to work after school in a drug store at a soda fountain to help the family. I would sneak ice cream and candy when the boss wasn’t looking.
When I went to college I got thin again, but the fat phobia lasted me all my life. I try to stay thin now because of my age and health but my nicest friends are happy and overweight.
In the case of the Senator, I think his fatphobia probably stems from his Mormon religion. They store grain in the basement and measure it out on a scale every morning. LOL
What amazes meIs that people STILL do not get that genetics plays a HUGE part in this.
A person’s size is not always dictated by what or how much they eat. There are people that are CLEARLY physically fit and STILL look big. People with endomorphic body types are are by “design” going to hold more weight. We build muscle fast and lose fat painfully slow.
That more people do not get that simple reality is beyond me.
Really?Most of the “pretty” people I’ve had any opportunity to know in any depth whatsoever have been pretty decent people. It’s easy to extrapolate the evils of the obnoxious ones (of any group) and paint the rest of the group with those traits.
OT- and I apologize BUTa great one has left us…
I have switched weight problems over the years.When I was a kid, I was super thin. At 15, 5ft 11inches tall and 102 lbs. I finally hit 125 lbs at age 25. I now weigh 185 lbs at 5′ 9″. I was never athletic or much for physical activity except after college when I started Square Dancing a lot. When I met my wife and we got married, my square dancing stopped because of our different styles, and we both started gaining weight.
Believe me, when you are super thin, you also get teased a lot, and get hung up in the clothes closet at school, yes, I did, by my collar, in the 5th grade. Chipmunk, squirrel, zipper (turn sideways and stick out tongue) were all common taunts.
By the way, David should not concern himself with Paul Newman, according to my sister, when he was in his 50′s and car racing, he had chicken legs (she has problems with diversity and acceptance) and Paul gave her a nasty look when she said it out loud at Summit Point Raceway.
Deanna
Hold on. Let’s not trade one phobia for another…I’ve seen Mormons of all shapes and sizes. And considering all the “racial” stuff we’ve already had to endure this week, I’d rather not see any religious prejudice here by claiming that Mormons hate these people or that people.
It pains meto agree with David Mixner on anything. But being in the same boat as he is I really like what he said on the subject. Thanks Pam for bring his essay up.
Body fascism in the gay male world is legendary; at age 51 I don’t worry a lot about it anymore, especially since, for instance, in segments of the bear community big guys are valued as desirable. I’m comfortable in my skin and the people in my life love and respect me for who I am with no “despites” included.
But I would point out that on this very blog I have been the target of some of this fat hatred (my avatar on another blog clearly shows that I’m a big guy). It’s a lot more common than you would think.
It gives me great pause, for instance, when someone among our enemies like Maggie Gallagher–a woman deeply unattractive because of her beliefs and actions; I have no opinion on what she looks like–is derided on gay blogs as a “big fat cow” or a “sow” or a “fat ass.” It’s sad how some people choose to react in that way as shorthand for eviscerating her for her vile life’s work.
Thanks PamYes, it seems people who are overweight will always be discriminated against. It’s a sad state. Thanks for posting David’s essay. He really speaks for a lot of us. I am 46, 5’7″ and weight 196 lbs. Like most women, after 40 I started packing on the lbs. My partner of 25 years still loves me but I feel that people look at me differently. Losing weight is a struggle. I love myself fat or not and others love me too. Losing weight is a goal I will set for myself and not in response to what anybody else thinks.
And keep up the good work Pam! I would be lost without your blog.
Well, let’s be honest, it plays out on both sides of the aisleAnyone remember “Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot” where Al Franken kept going on about Limbaugh’s weight? A lot of the scrawny vegan types like to go on about the evils of fat and associate it with the right wing.
I was fat as a kid, thin to normal as an adolescent/young adult, and obesity steadily crept back on me. It’s been a revelation how I went from “hot” to “not” in the span of about 25 pounds (at 6’3″). And the flat out invisibility is depressing. And that’s as a man; women have it 100 times worse.
I guess I’ll have to tell my “friends of Harry”…To let him know that obesity isn’t some contagious disease (well, at least not the way he’s thinking).
Trust me. I know as well. I’ve been struggling with weight problems all my life. At one point, I was well over 100 pounds overweight in high school. And in the last 5 years, I’ve yo-yo’ed from being a few pounds underweight to 25 pounds overweight.
For those of us who are genetically “inclined” to obesity, it’s a daily struggle just to watch what one eats, exercise like crazy, and constantly monitor the way one lives. It’s not easy, and it’s not fun to be made fun of.
True, “body fascism” is a HUGE gay problem…And I can feel it as well. I can tell when I’m in a club and those “muscle marys” do their best to stay away from me like I’m the plague. I’ve been working hard these last 6 months to lose weight, but I know I still don’t have “the perfect body” so my dating options (especially within my age group) are limited.
Interesting…but it isn’t confined to the bear communityI had a buddy (who tried to date me, but that’s another story) who is football lineman big (he used to play for a Pac 10 school). Now I would not call him fat (he’a still quite muscular) but he does fit what I would probably define as “big boned.”
But I have seen all sorts of people get irresistably attracted to him (I wasn’t and that was to cause problems). And not just other bears either.
He just fit…a type, I guess.
Now my friend has his own particular specifications in terms of what he’s physically and emotionally attracted to.
Weighing in on the subjectPam,
I am 5′ 10″ tall. I have wavered on the borderline of “morbidly obese” since I was about 40 years old. Before that, I spent over 20 years losing over 1,000 pounds, overall, in 50 to 80 pound increments, and then gaining it all back again. Over that time, I watched my “high point” rise from 225 (my senior year in high school – as a sophomore, I was 5’7″ and 145 pounds, and I started senior year at my full height and weighing about 180), to 145 in 1983, to 265 in 1987, to a whopping (sorry about that) 315 in 1999 before I started transition. Since then, my high point has dropped to about 295, and my weight ranges down to about 30 pounds less than that, but has not bee less than 265 no matter what I try.
My father nicknamed me “the O-Beast.” I once found my photograph posted on a website devoted to “Ugly Trannies” (which was removed after I complained about it).
I do have weight-related medical issues, including type-2 diabetes, high bood pressure and PAD. When I was trying to assimilate in accodance with cocietal expectations, I developed binge eating disorder, which has been in remission since I started transition – but the damage has been done. Years of yo-yo dieting, and my metabolism is truly messed up.
With that as a prologue, Pam, I have to tell you that you are a wonderful person just as you are, and an inspiration to an entire community. It took me a long time to realize the same thing about myself (at least that I am just fine as I am), and you know, the principle is that we love our neighbor as we love ourself. I have learned to love me, and that makes it possible to love you – and yes, I can love Senator Reid, even if he doesn’t exactly love me and wouldn’t hire me.
I don’t have to be thin and pretty to be smart, and neither do you. If people don’t listen to what you have to say because you weigh more than the person voicing the opposing POV, then the people who don’t listen are the sort of shallow and ignorant “swine” before whom it is a waste to cast pearls of wisdom. We should feel sorry for them.
Keep in mind Pam…Your and Mr. Mixner’s are still the opinions sought after and the other shallow person’s was not. His was offered but unasked for. That says volumes so don’t you ever lose sight of that. As for LGBT people being any more or less shallow on the issue of body weight, I reference one of the recent articles about the heterosexual website beautifulpeople http://www.prnewswire.com/news… . Shallowness has no boundary. I would take one of you to any thousand of them any day.
Then let someone speak from experience about itYes, mormon culture IS fat-phobic, particularly for women. We’re talking about a social hierarchy in which appearances are, quite literally, everything. It’s not as though their religion places a great emphasis on inner scrutiny; if it did, the whole thing would fall apart. So mormon culture relies heavily on appearances and looking good to appeal to potential converts. There is an inordinate amount of attention paid to conforming, to looking pretty, and worrying about what everyone else thinks of you. Couple this with the fact that the majority of Utah generational residents are of Scandinavian descent (that’s where the mormon missionaries got most of their early converts), and you’ve got a society based on appearances, ruled by skinny blond people who already think they’re the Chosen Ones. What precisely do you think is going to happen there culturally?
I grew up with those people, and every time I went to church I would overhear comments about my weight. This wasn’t from the other teenagers; you expect that! No, this was from adults, who would whisper about my weight, my clothes, and cluck to one another, “It’s too bad her mother can’t manage to feed or dress her properly. Tsk tsk.”
My mother, btw, was also heavy. She did not look like the blond, Scandinavian-descended, model-perfect Utah transplants. She looked like the daughter of Italian and German immigrants that she was. She is thick. She has dark hair, and olive skin. She was a convert whose great-great-grandmother had NOT dragged a handcart across the plains. And she suffered a lot of derision and mockery for all of it.
Mormon culture is undeniably fat-phobic. It’s a part of their larger social problem of relying on appearances for everything, rather than about what’s inside, what’s true, what lasts.
i think you’re 100% rightabout the gluttony-sin assumption and that it makes people feel they have the right to judge others, even to their face.
I Only Have A Problem Withlarge people like Maggie Gallagher, because her whole schtick is “the sins of others”. Don’t be trying to make my life a living hell over something your book of shit says when that same book is condemning you.
As for the commenter on Rogers’ blog, he’s a prick. Pam is one of the best GLBT reps we got. But I have to say she hasn’t changed one bit, compared to the kid pics she’s posted. I’m the same way – somebody who hasn’t seen me since I was a kid in my hometown can still recognize me too! LOL
Better to have a leader with some balls than a leader with no balls like Joe Solmonese and Matt Foreman.
Been there done thatIts one of the reasons that I avoid most setting dominated by gay men like the plague. The realization that I will never be thin enough has been a hard pill to swallow.
We’ll see how I feel after my gastric bypass surgery…but I expect the reation will be the same.
I Too Think Pam Is BeautifulAnd I’m glad she’s one of the faces of progressivism.
It’s one thing to call Gallagher-types on their hypocrisy,but it’s quite another just to call them names. Too frequently people do simply refer to her as a “fat cow”, etc. rather than pointing out her personal hypocrisy. Those of us who read this blog regularly already know about her hypocrisy, but I think it is important for people to remember that lots of fresh sets of eyes hit this blog daily, with no background information on the people and event we’re writing about. Imagine the image of the blog to someone whose first sees “cow” comments rather than “this is why Gallagher is a hypocrite…” comments.
Nutrisystem poster girlMarie Osmond.
Probably made to feel guilty by male Mormon leaders. They don’t have full figured magic undergarments.
If It’s Any ConsolationMaggie’s starting to get old and there’s just no insult bad enough for her anymore. It’s kinda like how insulting Peter LaBarbera has lost most of its fun – at first I called him a “homosexual aficianado” and all kinds of other fun names, but now he’s just a loony pervert going in circles.
For what it’s worth…whenever I see your picture, I always think you look pretty. Not that it matters because I come to the Blend for your intelligent analysis, but I really think you’re lovely.
Thanks ChristopherMYou said it better than I.
I’m lucky, maybe – maybe notMy family can carry significant extra weight without it showing, and when it does show, it’s because it’s gotten WAY over the limit. My oldest sister peaked at 300 lbs., but people thought she weighed somewhere around 200. I’ve been up as high as 225 (at 5’9″), but no one has ever considered me overweight but my doctor and myself, because all it meant was I wore 33″ waist pants, instead of the 30″ I’m wearing now.
But I know how painful it can be. My mother has been overweight for more than 50 years, and has always been about a size 20. She recently found something that worked for her, and she’s down to a size 6 (sometimes a 4, if the clothes are cut loose) – essentially for the first time as an adult. At 70, she’s become an entirely different person. She’s happier, she laughs more, she’s more enjoyable to be around. She doesn’t get angry nearly as fast, and she lets the little things slide. She says it’s because she doesn’t hate herself any more. She told me she had a voice that played constantly in her head, telling her she was disgusting, and everyone was ashamed to be seen with her. My dad says it’s like being married to a different woman – not just her looks, her attitude. I’m glad she’s happy, and I’m glad she lost the weight because she was having health problems from it, but I also wish she could have been happy with who she is, rather than hanging everything off what she looked like.
It may be true in gay barsbut the younger lesbians of today and just as fatphobic if not worse.
Most of the “good looking”people (or those considered good looking–I find it all relative) also have terrible horse breath. It’s a phenomenon I cannot explain…
People do treat you differently at different weightsI have experienced it. It’s quite painful but utterly fascinating, since I am the same person inside.
We can change thisif we’d only call our “friends” out EVERY TIME they make such deplorable comments.
The heart of oppression…… is to continually find groups of “others” to heap the abuse on, in order to elevate the abuser.
Thank you for posting this, and reminding us that we need to confront prejudice as a whole, and not just try to make a safe space for those in our little othered boxes.
This is exactly the wrong kind of response“Oh, but you really are pretty!” just props the whole stupid system up. A system that disproportionately silences and belittles women, incidentally, particularly women of color, who as you (should) know suffer the most when the dominant standard of beauty looks nothing like many of us.
The proper response to “so and so is fat/ugly” is, “we’re not discussing appearance, we’re discussing ideas.”
For real“No bis, butches, or fatties” seems to be depressingly common these days in personal ads.
HypocrisyHypocrisy isn’t just a river in Egypt.