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If you’re a stunner with washboard abs but haven’t shed those holiday pounds you put on because of grandma’s apple pie, your friends at BeautifulPeople.com are giving you the boot.
Dating and social network site BeautifulPeople.com has axed some 5,000 members following complaints that they had gained weight.
The members were singled out after posting pictures of themselves that reportedly showed they had put on pounds over the holiday period.
Of course if you were chubby beforehand, you were never welcome on the exclusive site, which filters out the “fatties” to be able to market itself as “the largest network of attractive people in the world.”
Beauty standard proprietor and founder Robert Hintze sais that “As a business, we mourn the loss of any member, but the fact remains that our members demand the high standard of beauty be upheld.” Of course you can’t ignore this blunt money quote:
“Letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model and the very concept for which BeautifulPeople.com was founded.”
Wow, it sounds like garden-variety people of more ample proportions (say, like your blogmistress), to Hintze are drooling, slovenly, portly pervs in trench coats trolling his digital island of slender hedonism. It’s a strange tack to take, to say the least, when the site itself has an interesting message for those surfing with a zero chance of joining if they are perceived as not only porky, but “ugly” in general (boy, that’s a grand broad stroke).
No worries, Mr. Hintze, your “hottie” laser-focused membership is safe; “fat” green dollars can be better spent in the dating pursuit of, um, character. Of course to each their own in dating preferences, but this level of cruel, shallow PR asshattery of Hintze (I’m sure he would label it “blunt) is just another sign of the cultural acceptance of sh*tting on the less-than-svelte.
Question for Blenders: Leaving aside the outlandish statements of Hintze in defense of his site’s actions, is this any different than any dating site that self-identifies a preference and does it matter?
It’s worthy of discussion because of the rampant level of eating disorders and other behaviors, particularly in young women (and I’m sure a lot of gay men out there can speak about pressures as well), related to self-image issues that ramp all the way up to severe body dysmorphic disorder.
H/t, Joe.My.God.
37 Comments
Where to start?Happily, I had never heard of this site (and wish I were still in ignorant bliss).
. . . “drooling, slovenly, portly pervs in trench coats trolling his digital island of slender hedonism.”
By the same token, would you want to network with a bunch of shallow, vain, vapid people who are obsessed with physical appearance?
It’s a psychological truth that people are attracted to pretty people. (I’m not going to call them necessarily “beautiful” — there’s a lot more involved in beauty than just physical features.) It also seems to be true that when those pretty people turn out to be shallow and self-centered, it’s a real turn-off for most of us.
I’m reminded of the right-wing arguments against same-sex marriage that center on “congruency” between male and female: sorry honey, people fall in love with people, not genitals. By the same token, people fall in love with a good personality, not a perfect nose. But by all means, let’s reduce everything to the physical.
From my own point of view, there are lots of cute guys running around. Some are tall, some are short, some are skinny, some are pudgy, some have great bones and noble profiles, some have turned-up noses and bright eyes — but they’re all hot. (Pudge can be really sexy; on the other hand, counting ribs can be a lot of fun.) What matters is who’s inside that gift wrap.
Of course, I guess those people who are so concerned with looks need someplace to go.
PSNow that my rant is finished –
Regarding your question, I’m not really interested in dating sites, but it seems to me that outside of fairly broad categories (i.e., M4M and such), preferences can be too limiting — except, I guess, for those who are so limited themselves that they have trouble dealing with anyone who doesn’t fit into narrow definitions.
My own feeling is that half the reason people are interesting is that they’re all so different. If you’ve already defined their limits, where’s the adventure?
Same, honestlyIf a couple was talking to me about how, oh my goodness, they met on BeautifulPeople.com! My desire to interact with them has plummeted, to say the least.
Online datingEvery online dating site I’ve ever signed up for has asked me to describe my “body type.” And I’ve no doubt that many searchers on Match, Chemistry, Yahoo!Personals, etc. screen their matches by body type, accepting notes only from those described as “Athletic” (many of whom were anything but, but that’s their affair).
The fact that this site does the screening for you doesn’t really change much, but it does display a fairly high degree of arrogance, as though this guy Hintze owns the standard of beauty – and that those he’s attracted to will automatically be attractive to everyone else. I’d sooner make up my own mind about that kind of thing, thanks.
All this being said, I’ve finally (finally!) come to the conclusion that online dating is just not for me. For years, I thought it was the only way to meet people outside of the bar scene, but I’m taking some different tactics now, and so far, it’s working out just fine!
I have the same reaction to this as I do to the commercials for ‘The Ladders’the job hunting site with the catch line ‘only 100K+ jobs for 100K+ talent.’
My translation for both: An obnoxious, self-important site for obnoxious, self-important people.
One of the saddest things in the world……is watching a woman or man who was formerly “beautiful” slide into old age, kicking and screaming and trying to claw their way back into relevance. If you base your life and your relationships around physical beauty, then this process is inevitable. However, if you base your life and your relationships around kind, caring people, your love for them will only grow over the years.
Run of the mill “hot” people are not all that scarce. What is damn near impossible to find is one that isn’t a) dumb as a box of hair or b) a terrible, terrible person who only has one thing to offer, and therefore has convinced themselves that that one thing is all that matters.
Love Yall
Garland
Self-identifiers on a private siteWho cares?
There’s a niche for everyone.
HIV+ sites come to mind.
I’m not offended…online ‘dating’ is all about customizing your interactionsI call it fast-food f*cking because you get to have it your way every time with little effort.
Given that the site is named Beautiful People, it does not make sense that they would allow people to sign up who didn’t fit their definition. If they had marketed themselves as a site for the general population I would feel differently.
Their attitudeis not all that different than what you’d find in your typical gay bar in NYC, San Francisco, Chicago, LA/West Hollywood or Miami.
The only difference being that this site is self contained and easily avoided. I’d be happy if they were as easy to avoid in the real world.
I call this poetic justice.
considerconsider it an asshole detector, sort of like Sean Hannity’s dating site (does it still exist?)
This reminds me of a comic on LOGO who was kinda chubbyHe said he has washboard abs, but right now he’s washing a load of towels. Then said after the holidays and a piece of pumpkin pie he might wash a whole comforter.
Is it different? No, I don’t think so. However…that doesn’t mean it isn’t demeaning, given our culture’s obsession with thinness. And, there is simply no reason to say that heavy = ugly. That is gratuitous meanness. I also wonder how much money this Hintze guy is losing by locking out svelt people who like chubby people and vice versa. In the real world, this is not an uncommon combination.
Big AmenEffectively to my taste, they might as well have called themselves AssholesToAvoid.com
Really, three different questions….Question 1) Are these people, this website doing something good, decent, moral, uplifting, adding joy to the world in a way that makes things just that much nicer to be a part of?
No.
Question 2) Is this different than other dating sites?
Yes and no. On the one hand, like any other limited dating site, it does allow self-identified people to find other people who they can assume are like them. In that sense, sure, it is like a dating site for gay people, or BDSM’ers, or vegans, or Buddhists, or anyone else – it serves a practical purpose of allowing people in a niche group to have to avoid scrolling through umpteen profiles of people that won’t work for them.
It’s sort of an exercise for the reader to determine whether there is a difference between that self-identification being effectively “shallow and vain” and things like religion, hobby, or lifestyle.
Question 3) Does it matter?
Well, anything that gets people who self-identify as too beautiful to have to be forced to associate with ordinary people out of the general pool of people I might be likely to interact with counts as a plus in my book.
I have to weigh in with anyone who feels that as long as they are clear up front about it, they have every right to it. I have absolutely no sympathy for anyone who, having signed up for a website based on excluding other people based on their looks, subsequently gets booted off because other people don’t like their looks in turn.
Oh and don’t miss…The site is currently closed to people just browsing, because of the excessive media attention.
In other words, the “Too ugly to join” button doesn’t work at present.
let them beI think the people that would be inclined to use the site are probably the type of superficial sad little asshats that would be that way no matter what. So let them self-segregate and use their body-fascist superficial bile on each other. It’s freedom of associate and frankly, everyone else in the dating world is better off not having to deal with them.
I Think It’s Hilariousfor the sole fact these grown-ups are still acting like they’re in Beverly Hills 90210.
Or is this group of people made up of former-high-school-fatties-turned-skinny who wants to live out the exclusionary high school popularity games that they never got to participate in back when they were teenagers?
They’ll “show” all those jocks and cheerleaders who they haven’t seen in 20 years and likely never will see or hear from again! LOL
Why would anyone want to be friends with people who’d drop you in second if you were to gain a few holiday pounds?
I’ve dealt with friends who treated me differently because I’ve long ago grown up and out of the pretentious gay clubs and have better things to do. After being treated that way for a while, you know how I handled them? Ignored their calls and didn’t answer the door whenever they stopped by. And I got some new friends to replace them. Easy as that.
I thought this site deserves itself ,as do their membersIf you want to date shallow svelt folks that’s your business…but you end up with a shallow person.
Watch what ya wish for.
If you think weight is the only factor they will be shallow about, you’d be wrong. If you can’t financially keep up with the A-gays, or if you can’t surgically alter every flaw, or skip a day at the gym, or G*d forbid age…you’ll also face their shallow JUDGEMENT.
It’s like an internet dating roach motel –Keeps all the vermin in one place so they don’t bother the rest of us.
It is different from other niche sites……because it implies that only skinny people are beautiful. If it was called AnorexicAsshats.com, I’d say it was the same as sites catering to other fetishes. But by saying it’s for “beautiful” people and then only including those with single digit body fat, it’s enforcing a destructive notion of beauty based on the ability and willingness to starve yourself.
Overweight peoplehave definitely taken over gay people as the last group to malign, harass, discriminate against and just plain hate. Visual appeal is, even to those who don’t think themselves as judgmental, a very strong aspect of who we are. That being said, I can understand people wanting to date the body types they want, but why does fat automatically equate to “ugly” in these peoples’ minds? Emme, Delta Burke, etc. I mean, do they have eyes?
different tactics? you’re not going to keep them to yourself, are you?!?Evening classes? Church? Volunteering?
Please, the socially awkward need to know! Uhm … it’s for this friend I have.
Joined, but hardly overtakenCome back when a majority of states have laws or amendments explicitly denying overweight people the right to marry.
I met my hubby online on gay.com chatroomBut I understand the reluctance to do the online dating, you certainly find out how much pure fiction is in a person’s profile REAL QUICK. From photos which aren’t them, or were them 10 years ago….and that’s just the half of it they lie about. Bars might not be ideal, but anonymous online stuff is SCAREY!
Beg to differGender variant people tend to get crapped on (and murdered) quite regularly.
Dena
Oh Jesus Christit was just a fucking observation. Of COURSE the GLBT community faces discrimination. My POINT was that overweight people are continually maligned because of society’s visual scrutiny. There are no groups, laws or advocates to help with that.
I’m not discounting your observationbut this could be educational
http://www.pamshouseblend.com/…
Dena
I appreciate it, but I don’t need educating on thisI’m highly sensitive to the discrimination of others, be they gay, lesbian, bi or trans. My original post was not to minimize the pain of our community, but to point out that being overweight in this society transcends all ethnicities and groups. It is a widespread, insidious and often sneaky bias because many of us are visual and because we respond right away to a person’s appearance. And when an overweight person lives in a society that promotes impossible body images, he or she one is made to feel less than on a daily basis. I know this equates with our community too, but more and more it is becoming unacceptable to call us names. Those who do are called on their bigotry on blogs like this. But how often do you hear and see snickering, teasing and harassment against overweight people? Probably on a daily basis. THAT’S what I meant in the original post. Overweight people are the last group that does not have the protections or advocates that other groups do. I’ve heard of fat pride movements and such, but they rarely change much. From a personal point of view, I’ve been teases, harassed and made to feel less than for much of my life for being overweight than I’ve EVER been for being a lesbian.
maybe I’m Old School and contemporary lesbians have changed their standardsBut dozens of my lesbian friends were large women, and had no shortage of lovers who appreciated them, or lack of friends.
Oh same hereMy discrimination was in the form of being harassed in school, strangers on the street feeling the need to call me names or tell me how I should look, doctors of all sorts looking at my weight before I even tell them the reason for the visit. That being said, I am extremely happy in my personal life. I guess there is only one person’s opinion that really counts. And yes, Petey, the younger gals, I’ve noticed, are EXTREMELY visual. Thank God I’m 46.
almost 57 here, and many of my women friends were slightly older than me
My reaction was visceral and snarky (surprise!…)Classy phrases like “fatties roaming the site”? Going ahead with a concept like “BeautifulPeople.com” in the first place? Congratulations, site owners – how’s it feel to still be stuck in high school?!? :-D
Oh, we know about pre judgment due to appearance Ask a Trans woman who does not pass well.
Being called a man in a dress kills one soul just a little bit.
Dena
Get out there …What did it for me was joining the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington. There are 225 active members of the chorus. Some of them are jerks, but most of them are great guys. Some of them have husbands, but they all have friends.
I’m currently dating someone from the chorus that a) I never dreamed would have been interested in me, and b) I might not have pursued online. But we met in a non-pressure environment (rehearsals), we really got to know each other beyond the superficial stuff you learn on a first (essentially blind) date, he saw me at my most confident and alive, and three months after meeting me, he asked me out. We’ve been seeing each other a little over a month now, and it’s been wonderful thus far.
Oh and ask a fey gay manTold not to show up at a family event looking FAGGY.
Oh and ask someone with late stages of AIDS, how their lypodystrophy Crixivan belly and gaunt face is treated as a G*D DAMN leper.
speaking of offensive…”Queerty’s New Year’s Resolutions For: The 40-and 50-Year-Old Set”“Go find the queers from your past. While we may have recommended young LGBTs restrict their privacy when using sites like Facebook, the site is an excellent way not just to stay in touch with your current friends, but to find your old ones. You can search by the high school or college graduating class, or your hometown, to find the ghosts of your adolescence and campus life. And it only takes a few clicks to see which of these folks are “interested in” the same sex. There’s nothing more satisfying to learn the douchebag who always called you a “fag” or “dyke” is now gay, single, and ugly.”
my reply
“I’m beyond the 40-50 by 6 years and the “go look up friends of the past” recommendation and the GHOSTS you speak of,, actually are GHOSTS, you can read their names in the NAMES quilt….facebook is unnecessary for us.”
Talking about limited peopleThey seriously don’t get it. First of all they won’t be happy with anyone chosen based on looks. If you’re planning to live with someone for the next 40-60 years, have children and so on, you’ll need a guy with far far more than good looks. Second, these people seriously don’t realize that by using this website they are automatically limiting their choices from millions of members, which conventional dating sites have, to whatever small amount of members this website has. And maybe there is another reason for people to register on it… how about those with low self confidence, crying to be referred to as “beautiful”? Good luck finding a lifetime partner there…