This is a guest post by by Martin Gill, who is challenging Florida’s anti-gay adoption ban, courtesy of Paul Cates of the
Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender & AIDS Project of the American Civil Liberties Union, which has taken the case.
One Christmas Wish
By Martin Gill
Two weeks before Christmas in 2004, my partner and I got a call from the Department of Children and Families, asking us to take in two foster children. Although we’d taken in other kids in the past, this time I said no because we were planning to move to Georgia, and I didn’t want to take in kids if they’d have to be uprooted again because of our move.
The social worker said they just needed a place for about a month, because a family member had agreed to take them. I still said no. She said we were the only home in the agency with any space left. Then she said, “I bet you could give them a really nice Christmas.”
I knew she was right; we could give them a great Christmas. The story of Joseph and Mary being turned away from the inn flashed through my mind. For us, Christmas had never been a time to turn away those in need, and I really hated the thought that these two might have to spend Christmas in a shelter.
They arrived two hours later, with nothing more than the clothes on their backs. Even those were tattered and dirty — a shirt way too big and shoes four sizes too small.
On Christmas day, we had 20 people over for dinner. By that evening, our guests had filled the kids’ closet and their dressers with new clothes. We made the playpen into a makeshift toy box that was overflowing with new toys.
What was supposed to be a temporary placement in 2004 is now a big part of what we call our family. Because of these boys, we sold the house in Georgia and made the choice to stay here in Miami. This will be our sixth Christmas with these two amazing boys. They came to us in need, but in return have given our family so much joy and happiness!
More below the fold.
Although the state begged us to take in our two boys, there is a Florida law that bars gay people like us from being able to adopt them and give them the stability, permanency and legal protections that only come with adoption. With the help of the ACLU, we are challenging that law. On November 26, 2008, a Miami family court judge ruled that the law is unconstitutional and granted me adoptions for the two boys. But that decision has been appealed and is now pending before an intermediate state appeals court.While we are anxiously awaiting the outcome of the case and eager to put it behind us, we feel truly blessed and thankful for our family, for our health, and for our jobs in this time of recession. Because we have been so blessed, for the second year in a row we have decided to put an emphasis on helping others in need. So my partner and I have been volunteering with Angels Everywhere, a group from our church (Unity on the Bay), to put on our second annual Christmas party for teens in group homes.
These teens have ended up in group homes with little chance of being adopted. These are teens who have been through so many foster homes, that the state has decided they would have more stability in a group home. They have no parents there — just employees who work their shifts to supervise them.
In the eight Christmases we have been foster parents, we have been at a number of toy giveaways. The little kids get some great toys. But at those same toy giveaways we have seen teens walk away empty handed or with toys that were meant for someone much younger.
The problem is that most toys that are donated are for younger kids. Most people simply don’t realize that there are adolescents and teens in need too. I know we never did until we became foster parents.
So again this year, my partner has worked with the social workers at our foster agency to develop a list of gifts tailored especially for the teens there. Our three kids will be Santa’s helpers, giving out the gifts, in hopes that they too can learn the joy of giving.
If you are planning to donate toys to a local charity, please keep in mind that adolescents and teens need a little Christmas too.




One Christmas Wish
8 Comments


Can you contact Martin to get a list?Can you contact Martin to get a copy of his list of gifts tailored for teens?
Deanna
Thanks Martin!For all that you do to nurture your kids and the kids in need in your community. You’re an inspiration to me.
Keeping my fingers crossed for your legal challenge.
A very giving and loving couple that make me proudThe reminder to give gifts which are for teens is a good idea, I think most of the public enjoy picking out the adorable toys for tiny kids, and don’t make the extra effort to find something a teen would enjoy.
I would guess board games, (adults enjoy) would be a good gift for teens. Too many gifts are dependant on being online or having listening devices many poor kids might not have.
Mom of teensTeens are hard to buy for. We’ve spent weeks working on my 15 year old’s presents and he still only has 2.
Suggestions, unisex:
Art supplies. Paper, drawing pencils, colored pencils, a good eraser.
Yarn and crochet hooks or knitting needles and a how-to book (my sons both crochet)
Books. Manga translations are very popular.
Games. Think small and portable: dominos, mancala, cards. Many stores sell games in tins these days for $5-10.
Body lotion and lip balm. A neutral or unscented, since everyone gets dry skin. (there are lip balms with skulls and crossbones for the guys)
Funky socks, scarves, hats and gloves. Go colorful and outrageous. If you are crafty, put a crocheted edge of eyelash yarn on purchsed gloves and scarves.
Bubble bath and a loofa/brush/bath poof. It sounds silly, but even my 15 year old likes the occasional bubble bath with some appropriately macho Pirates of the Carribean bubbles.
Models. Dinosaurs, airplanes, robots.
A journal and a nice pen
Knee and elbow pads for biking or sports
Wacky print blankets. I saw polar fleece with The Wicked Witch of the West printed all over it. Nightmare Fuel for a toddler, a brilliant bit of camp for some teen’s room.
Suggestions, female-identified:
Porcelain doll. Some girls collect them.
A sturdy purse with a good brush and comb (not cheapies), hair elastics, a barette or two and maybe some lip gloss. Alternatively, a travel kit. Much the same without the frills and with a good woman’s razor, shaving gel, nail clippers, travel toothbrush and paste.
Beading and jewelry making kits. These don’t have to be tatty plastic things. There are good hemp and fimo kits available.
Suggestions, male-identified:
Nerf or water guns. Every teen boy I know wants or has a super-soaker.
A shaving kit. A good leather one with basic things like a solid comb, a good razor (not a disposable), shaving cream, nail clippers, travel toothbrush and paste, and deodorant.
The Art of Manliness. A book that encompasses everything from how to get the best shave to how to listen when people talk.
My best advice for parents of teensGift cards to Target or some store they shop at. They know exactly what they want, and can enjoy shopping for themselves.
Most teens would also enjoy movie passes or fast food coupons
Good ideasVery good ideas. I was hesitant to suggest the more direct forms of cash because often transportation is problematic as well.
This beautiful story really got the tears flowingThank you so much for helping these kids!