The Value one places on their own Life.  To preface this comment, I put all my thoughts of what I would gain and lose if I transitioned.  I spent years thinking of how to come out of my prison.  Trying to decide but knowing one thing, ‘I could not go on existing living a lie, deceiving myself and those around me of me.’  Many thoughts of suicide ran through my mind.  I acted on those thoughts many times.   Thankfully I survived several drug overdoses.
 Many say I am lucky because I discovered that death wasn’t the answer to dealing with my inner feelings.   The saying,’Life sucks but the alternative is worse’ was told to me by one of many therapists I had.  Know ing the low I hit, there was only one direction for me (the path on the journey as many say)
 Halloween 2004, I dressed as a woman and went all out.  I found I could actually “PASS” as me.  I was so comfortable with being me I began to set goals for myself.  My New Years resolution was I was going to come out to my family and be prepared to explain my feelings to my family including my daughters, 9 and 13 at the time, my mom and dad, sister and brother-in-law, and my wife at the time of 12 years of marriage.  After weeks of wearing polish on my nails, legs shaved and a few other things, parents and children began to ask questions.  I could not answer with anything but the truth.  I had lined up a list of people for my parents and kids to talk with who could explain what I was going through in an understandable and detailed manner.   It didn’t take very long that my daughters became supportive of me.  My mom and dad went searching for the silver bullet to cure me.  My ex-wife left me and our children and began staking out a way she could legally destroy me and have the children removed from me.
  I must tell that I knew I could lose my children in the courts, I also knew there would be a lot of hard times for all involved.   So ;et me put in place a time line,
March 2005, I did tell all of my beginning to transition.  April 2005, I was living as me (woman) 80% of the time.  May 2005. I went to living full time 24/7 I began HRT without a doctor.  all this included doing my job.  June 15th 2005 My HRT came under doctor supervision.  I made many trips from Orlando to Ft Lauderdale to meet with others going through the same thing.  I was on the move to find more answers to lead me down the correct path.   During this time I grew an inner-strength and found true direction.  I also met Angie, a girl going through the same things I was.  We became a team.  We halped each other a lot.  One thing became very obvious.  They further I transitioned or felt success for the day, the worse my parents felt.  You know, Parents are supposed to be proud of accomplishments but this seemed so wrong.  My parents viewed it as the further I went to be me, the more of a reality my parents where losing their son and could not and would not see I am the daughter they always had.
But what I soon discovered, was I was again trying to act as someone who again wasn’t me.  I was trying to fit the ‘Stated Gender Roles’ as decided by society.  I also learned that focusing on ‘PASSING’ was so wrong.  Sandy helped me with this, just be you and no one will care and it worked.
My divorce just began, Against all legal opinion, I went dressed as the woman I am.  I won the custody of my daughters, but I also lost my dear friend who was transitioning with me.   The court saw Angie (MtF) as a threat to the children and ordered her away.  At the same time I was ordered to dress outwordly male around my kids.   My thought was if I am legally a woman I should be able to keep my daughters.  There was two months between hearings and my therapist recommended me to go visit another psychologist in Illinois.  She wanted to observe us for a few days.  the third day, she recommended GRS in Thailand.  We booked the flights, got out recorders and passports, and off we went.  I returned to court with my letters from the Department of State saying that I am now a woman and should be allowed to be around my daughters.
I wrot this just to show how many things we have to think about