A magazine I subscribe tocalled New Scientist had a small write-up on research that’s going on. They’ve found a particular gene expression is 60% more common in transsexuals than in the common population, suggesting there’s a genetic link. It was in the August ’08 edition, IIRC.

Just to throw a wrench in the works, lolAn individual with PMDS will have a normal karyotype, and yet its classified as one of the “seriously off” IS forms.

The windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror.Autumn, you’re very brave to reveal this personal piece of information.
I had a time when I was looking for explanations as to why I am different, read transsexual.
Presently, I really don’t give a shit why.
I just am. But each of us has their own way of expressing and dealing with
being different so I respect your way of expressing and dealing with your sense of self.
I think any intelligent person would ask these questions.
I think all transitioners do at some point.
Why, is the most basic of questions.
But the answers are complex.
It’s not easy being human some days, is it?
I did have a conversation with my birth Mother after I came out in Feb 2001.
I was looking to see if she had taken DES – Diethylstibesterol, a steroid hormone used to prevent miscarraiges.
Some of you may be familiar with this compound that was used widely when I was born in December of 1962.
It was in use from the 1940′s through the early 1970′s and was taken off the market after it had been proven
to cause vaginal cancer in 7 young otherwise healthy women. It also has the effect of causing intersex conditions and transexuality.
In fact, MTF transitioners in the 50′s and 60′s used this drug the same way we use drugs like androcour and estrogens in modern times.
Knowing this I was curious and wanted to know why I was the way I was.
From all accounts she did take the drug as she had had a miscarriage before I was born.
I would have had an older brother, but he died in the womb.
The doctor called them “materity vitimans”.
I can’t help but snicker, “materity vitimans” indeed.
Pretty potent stuff. It probably changed my brain.
So what.
With this knowledge in hand I had to ask myself, is my life, my personality, and my experiences
all based on a chemical mistake? Am I a mistake?
I finally came to several conclusions.
1) It doesn’t matter, really. I am Renee and that’s I how I relate to the world.
And that’s how the world relates to me. I don’t have tell people what my karotype is or
what my chemical circumstances are.
I just tell folks “Hello, I am Renee. I’m here to repair your network” and they beleive me.
Because that is who I am. I went through alot, as anyone who has transitioned can attest, to
be Renee. The real me. I think it’s wonderful I survived to live as myself, and that is enough.
For now anyway.
2) We’re all experiments. That’s why we’re all different.
Nature is always trying to sort things out and we’re all a piece of that sorting out.
If we were all the same it would be a boring place. I don’t consider myself boring.
I’m kind of a nut actually, but that’s how I deal.
3) Life is fleeting. Don’t spend to much time dwelling on things that use up to much
CPU time. I have a whole new future stretched out before me. A whole new chance to live.
I lost two close friends to cancer, including a soulmate-last year, and went through hell on earth to be myself.
I also managed to find a new love along the way and her and I are happy together.
She went to Thailand with me, I had my surgery and then the irritation stopped.
It was so odd, it had been there my whole life and suddenly, it was gone.
It made me joyous, but it took some getting used to.
I’ve enjoyed getting used to it and now I can’t remember what it was like before.
To be at odds with oneself is worth forgetting.
Despite all I’ve been through, I’m fortunate. I remember that and my dead friends everyday.
But I don’t think about it all day. When I wake up and when I close my eyes at night.
That is when I remember them and I dream about them sometimes.
My subconcious is still working things through whilst I sleep.
I used to wake up crying, but now I am used to it.
It is familiar to me. I am done weeping.
For now anyway.
A saying comes to mind “The windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror”.
I’m keeping my eyes focused ahead. Too much looking in rear view mirror and I’ll crash.
Autumn, I like your name by the way, only you can figure out what you want to do
with the newly found information about yourself. And you are anything but run of the mill.
There is no such thing as a run of the mill TS woman. We’re all different.
And that is a beautiful thing. Don’t you think?
Always,
Renee
The Tech Chic

TruthAutumn,
Our greatest struggle in the GLBT community is why?  I am sorry that this didn’t answer more of your questions, but I think you hit the nail on the head when you said, “my truth is my truth.”  That is all that matters.  Sadly the world has not caught up with our truth, but one day I believe they will.  Be of great courage and live a life that fully expresses who you are as a woman and a person.  

WellAccording the research that is out there so far, gene expression, especially by hormone in various sectors of the brain cause an imbalance between what your body “is” and the impression of your body in your brain. In short, your brain is an opposite sex from the rest of your body* because of the dance between gene expression, brain evolution**, and brain/body dichotomy. This is no less real and serious than if your genitals or karyotypes had been intersexually divided. Based on general meaningful effects on people, the brain chemistry, sex of the brain is more important than anything in determining what sex you “are”.
*Not always true given karyotype imbalances, hormone imbalances in the body, and PMDS, etc…
**This is the evolution of the brain’s connections over a lifespan rather than its long view macroevolution over the course of history. THe brain creates, connects and relies on delicate balances of gene expression and hormones and synapses to create all the various aspects of one “you”. If something gets hardwired one way but the rest of the body has a different thing going on, boom gender dissonance.
Basically as a scientist, the crux of it is that it is indeed “all in your (physical) head” which isn’t the same as it’s “all in your mind”, because the brain’s sex or gender awareness is what the “you” relies on for one’s internal sex recognition, karyotypes, even genitalia are quite secondary as they contain no cognitive neurons and have only external interchangable connections with the brain.
So there’s little biological only to being a non-intersexed transwoman.

One test is not enough and the test itself can be wrong as well….Saying that you have  a ‘normal karyotype’ is a bit misleading. It only checks the X’s and Y’s and not the functionality of the Y’s.  It takes a battery of tests to determine Intersexuality and even then if any one test is taken of a given type it can be wrong.
I am a chimera. I have not had a karyotype test done because the other tests that they did showed that I have A+ blood but sometimes I have O- white blood cells as well. A ‘unified’ (yeah, you have to make up names as you go along I guess) person that has a homogenized genotype can ONLY produce one blood type. A chimera MAYBE capable of producing more than one type.
One reason they kept repeating tests wasn’t to look at my varying levels of hormones or the effects of my hormone levels on my biology but was actually due to the poor lab standards, quality and unreliable results being experienced by the US Navy medical system in the early 1990′s.  Only because of a lack of confidence in the reliability of the lab results did my Navy doctor ask for more and more labs eventually building up to a larger picture of being ‘a freak of nature’.  (I really wish he would have figured the whole thing out before giving me prenatal vitamins “just in case” because that really screwed with me.)
But that’s all me….
Autumn, your still a great person and a beautiful lady. Just because you had one test does not mean that you’re not Intersexed….
Because there’s still Divergent Sexual Development. That’s where pharmaceuticals, pesticides, herbicides, manmade pollutants and environmental factors can force the human body into conditions that mimic ‘Intersexuality’ and do not affect the genome at all.
Spain, 1970′s, Introduction of hormone supplements to cattle force feminized adolescent boys aged 12-18. They grew beasts, had softened features, were timid, had delayed puberty or had their puberty completely turned on its head.
There are lots of stories like that if you look around.
Also my rule of thumb is; First impressions and Self impressions are typically correct more often than not. You feel that you have a IS condition you probably do.  

Don’t be disappointed,A karyotype test only analyzes the general sise and shape of the chromosomes.  It does not analyze for known or unknown genetic indicators of the transsexual phenomenon, but only confirms, for “normal male karyotype” that the general shape of your 23rd chromosome pair is “XY.”  
All you did was eliminate any of the intersex anatomical conditions that result from something that can be noticed by a gross analysis of chromosome shape.
The cost for your own personal complete genome is coming down – and having that means that whenever they find yet another gene that is associated with the transsexual phenomenon, you can have your personal genome checked for whatever it is without having to have the test itself done all over again.

its not always about KarotypeIts not Intersexual.  Its just intersex.  Also you should know that Karotype testing is not the only way to test intersex syndromes, there are other tests.  PAIS Grade 1 for example has a normal Karotype and the person can develop as a normal male but with issues related to improper hormone testing (issues such as infertility or abnormal muscular issues are common with grade 1).  
The entire AIS spectrum are considered intersex syndromes.  If they really did the investigation of IS conditions they would test for both Karotype, testosterone challenge, and other tests.  I had a testosterone challenge test before I transitioned, but I also was daignosed with PAIS as a child.  My karotype is normal, but I am intersex without question, because my body does not process certain types of androgens correctly (its partial, not complete). For me this resulted in an abnormal puberty (for example, my voice never dropped and I have muscular issues) and atypical genitals.  Intersex is not exclusively determined by karotype, if you don’t understand that you really did not do your research on intersex syndromes.  
With that being said…I actually doubt you are intersex.  Unless you had an abnormal puberty and/or have atypical genitals, it should be generally assumed you are not intersex.    

That’s what I tend to think.My symptoms did have many parallels to Klinefelter Syndrome, which is the XXY karyotype.
If I were intersex, that would have been the most likely condition, given my genitalia size/shape after puberty, my body shape, history of very extreme shyness during and after puberty, and my history with infertility issues. (My twins were via in vitro fertilization — I had low a sperm count, and further testing showed my “swimmers” didn’t particularly “swim” well, and generally weren’t adequate “penetrators” of egg cells in “normal” conditions.)
What didn’t match the syndrome was my communication skills — many, if not most, who have Klinefelter Syndrome have difficulty with expressive language — the ability to put thoughts, ideas, and emotions into words. Obviously, I don’t have that symptom.
The healthcare provider who suggested the test guessed it would be about a 50/50 chance I had an XXY karyotype. I didn’t know what to think the odds actually were — the reason to have that karyotype testing would be related to the secondary health issues that go along with a XXY karyotype. These include a propensitiy for high blood pressure, type I (insulin dependent) diabetes, autoimmune thyroiditis, lupus erythematosus, and breast cancer.
I tend to agree with you, tfeminist. Since the kayrotype testing didn’t show XXY — again, most likely condition given my lifetime symptoms — then I would doubt I have any other condition that would fall under the conditions that are under the umbrella intersex conditions. Certainly, none of the other intersex conditions that might fit my symptoms would have had the kind of secondary health concerns that an XXY karyotype would have had for me.
From the secondary health issue perspective, not having an XXY karyotype thing is good news, for sure.

“Knowing” isn’t that important to me…It would be interesting for me to know the cause of my being transsexual.  But only academically interesting.
I believe I’m a DES son, based on what my mother told me.  There’s no proof, and records are destroyed.  Again, academically interesting.
But practically useless.
Having a certain answer, a certain, supportable reason for my particular form of transsexualism, will only change a very few minds from the ‘chose to’ to the ‘couldn’t choose not to’ viewpoint, only increasing the pool of potential allies by a statistically insignificant amount.  And those that interpret their primordial feelings of disgust and revulsion when confronted by real, live transsexuals (or gays, or lesbians,) as The Will of God™®© will still feel compelled to resist treating transsexuals (and gays, and lesbians,) with dignity and respect.
So, it’d be nice to know for certain what happened.  But, as the saying goes, “That and two dollars will get you a cuppa coffee.”

Nobody knowsThanks for sharing, Autumn.
An important thing to realize is that cis people don’t know why their gender identities are what they are either. Nor do intersex people.
Having an intersex condition might have given you an easy explanation to satisfy the majority of people who don’t think much about sex or gender, but it certainly would not have enabled you to “know” why you’re trans any more than I do, or any more than my brother knows he’s cis.

I used to wishI had a concrete (testable) way to “prove” to my Mom and (especially) my Dad why their son needed to make such a drastic change. To make it easier for them to understand. After a certain point we realize a “test” was not needed. I found out through a friend my Mom told her that after I started transition, it was like a light switch was turned on. I was so sad when I was living in the wrong role. Happy and bubbly now.
That was enough proof for both of us.
 

It took a little while to find the article I recently sawhttp://www.nytimes.com/2009/10…
IBM is working on bringing the cost for your own personal genome down below $1,000.00.
Of course, even if you get this done (when available), you won’t necessarily know what there is in your genetic makeup that might have had an influence on your ontological development.  But whenever some scientist isolates a “genetic cause,” you (or someone who can read the code) would be able to look through your genome book to seee what you have in your code in the appropriate places.

Thanks AutumnThanks for sharing this very personal information. As a gay man, I know it doesn’t (or rather shouldn’t) matter why I am homosexual, but I still want to know.

Me TooGranted the Karyotype test is the crudest form of testing and I had enough doctors tell me there was something physical going on.
But the reality is that obsessing on something that doesn’t mean squat when it actually comes to getting treated like a human being with all one’s rights protect simply because one is human is a waste of time.
Worse yet it is searching for a form of exceptionalism that will privilege the possessor of that special trait.
The reality is that if you change your sex of birth assignment at a later point and you do so exercising your own agency of control over your life then you are transsexual.
I’ve written about the improbable intersex conditions it seems every one has taken to claiming on my blog.
I am at a point where I don’t particularly care.

The wonders of science !Science doesn’t have all the answers.
It never will.
That is not to say that it doesn’t beat the crap out of the alternatives, faith and superstition have only gotten us just so far.
One of the hallmarks of decent science is the fact that it’s a constant searching, new information, new discoveries, it changes, it adapts, it grows.  It’s interesting and exciting and contentious and groping for explanations.
This as opposed to bad science, which is to say, there IS bad science.  Any science that portends to be the end all be all is false science.  Or to be more accurate, indistinguishable from dogma, superstition, and dare i even say, religion.
We have a lot of crappy science masquerading as good science in America.  Just look at all the ads for stupid and dangerous new drugs for doing stupid and idiotic things, like growing thicker eyelashes.
I’m just saying, genetics isn’t everything, even though the pop culture intrepretation of this particular branch of scientific exploration presents it as such.  Wasn’t that long ago the geneticists were all shocked that the genome of rice has more genes than the human genome.
I’m just sayin’.
You’re OK with me.

I agree…I agree with you 100%.
Interesting, but of no real world value.
My partner is also trans and she would agree with you too.
So that makes three of us, Hazumu.
It has been proven that facts are of no value to the fundie crowd, just watch fuc’d news for five minutes and you will see that this is true. Besides, who wants to play the justify my existence game? F that noise!
People have a right to exist as they truly are, period.
The Tech Chic

Same here.Same here, so there ya go!

Right on, baby!Let your freak flag fly!

I wonder..if you could patent your own genome?
So no one else could claim ownership.
Like, say, big phrama.

Dear Autumn,You are who you believe yourself to be.  Be true to that self.  I’m sending hugs to you.  Be happy, whatever that involves.