I think repenting is too strong a word for what you’re doing, if I understand what you’re saying.Repenting means that you need some sort of authority to absolve you of what you’ve done. It seems to me, rather,  that you are engaging in some introspection and behavior modification that you think would benefit you and everyone else (here and beyond).
To say, “This way of thinking or behaving isn’t working for me” is one thing; to beat yourself up and use a judgment-laden word like “repent” seems too harsh and self-critical.
We all do things we wish we hadn’t, but you still have to be gentle to yourself, especially if you’re a sensitive person by nature and grew up in a highly critical environment.
Introspection = good, unless you spend all your time navel gazing.
Being self-critical can = dangerous ground if you beat yourself up too much.
It is a delicate balance.

I agree with Beth, AutumnAs a fella who tends to come down a bit too heavy on his own head a lot of the time, I can benefit from this “easing up on oneself” perspective, too.
Hugs.

It’s worse than herding catsThere’s a lot of high-strung, passionate, and VERY vocal people in our communities. To get swept up in it on occasion & do or say something that later may make one feel less than optimal is really just the price of dealing with a throng such as ours.
Being able to apologize is an honorable thing that alot of folks never learn. You’re doing an admirable job in the midst of the chaos that change in our communities causes, Autumn. Don’t beat yourself up.    

As someone who sometimesposts items, thinking that everyone will understand what I’m saying (because it is perfectly clear in my head) and than gets ripped apart because people can’t read my mind (I blame the other people I understand the questions you are facing.
One thing many do not understand is that (as far as I know) none of us are professional writers (except Lev and he rarely writes anymore). Combined with the fact that people are relying only on a short post, misunderstandings and seemingly minor arguements mean different things to different people.
Example: We’ve all witnessed someone post what they consider a harmless joke and the majority of posters don’t get it and attack.
I guess what I’m saying is, we do what we can and shouldn’t beat ourselves up over the issues that arise here at PHB. All we can do is keep an open mind and heart, and hope that in the end we grow as people because we talk openly here.

Also…Several people threw around the book title “Whipping Girl”. I intend to read it, but not everybody will. Has this book ever been discussed on the front page? If not, then how about a front page post that discusses this book and highlights some of the issues it brings up? An in-depth book review.

I agree with the other blenderswho think you’re being too hard on yourself, Autumn.  You do a great job here, and all of us have learned a lot from you.  No one expects you to be perfect.
Repenting is too, er, religious a term for me to feel comfortable with it, in this context.  Repentance is what the religious lunatics think we all have to do–for our very existence.  A gentle, quiet apology is more than sufficient–and I’m sure we’re all only too happy for it, to the extent it’s necessary, and accept it gladly.

RepentingA certain amount of repentance is good for all of us, I’m sure.  Personally, I have a lot of respect Autumn, for people who put their ideas and opinions out there and stand up for who they are and what they believe.  Maybe they occasionally go too far or have a bad day — but at least they are out there being something and doing something.  I have a feeling that it all balances out in the longrun.  

Hi AutumnThanks for your post.  In a world where few ever do any ‘real’ intospection, your post is quite refreshing and appreciated.
While I admit I am still rather flummoxed over the cis affair you seem genuinely contrite and that goes a long way toward healing and growth.
Autumn, I always judge peoples actions not on what they ‘did’ but on how they respond to or how they go about repairing a bad outcome or situation. In this context, give yourself a gold star or rather 100 gold stars.  
So I am sure many people have learned something here so it most likely happened they way it should have.  The Blend is most likely now stronger and more resilient after coming out on the other side of this situation.
Thanks for being you.
Cheers
 

Agree with QScribeAutumn, you do what you do well, and the community needs you at multiple levels. Repentance? Bah. Repentance is for people who need an authoritarian figure to absolve them and tell them it’s all better. We’re a community, not a hierarchy here, and only you will know when things are all better for you.

I’m now very aware of my tendency to want to “over-mother” our threads to tamp down anger.

Don’t. Don’t tamp down the anger. Anger is a real, valid emotion we all feel, and for people who are as constantly stepped on as our community, sometimes it’s all we have left. To try to “tamp it down” when we are discussing or arguing over issues which affect our very lives is, to my mind, an attempt to downplay the seriousness of such issues.
Minorities of all stripes are constantly told by the majority to stop being so angry. It’s a way of invalidating their feelings, of making their concerns less real. It’s a derailing tactic used by majorities to draw attention away from the real issue, and make it all about how uncivilized and angry the minority is. During the campaign Michelle Obama was called “angry black woman” as a way to highlight, not how race issues actually affected her life, but how “other,” how non-white she was. Women are socialized to bury anger and put on a nice face because anger is supposed to be an emotion only the strong can feel. Women are supposed to be too weak to be angry. Same with LGBT people. We are laughed at for our anger because of how negatively femininized we are, and we are CONSTANTLY being told to “stop whining, there are other issues.” By invalidating our anger, the majority invalidates our lives.
Don’t tamp down the anger. We get enough of that in the real world.
Eshto, I have heard of Whipping Girl in multiple fora and would love to read it.

Burnsey, you took the words right out of my mouth–but put it better than I could.Autumn, an apology goes a long way when it is given in sincerity, as yours clearly is.
It takes guts and grace to admit that one was wrong and say those three words, “I am sorry.”
But I also agree with Beth that “repenting” is too strong a word. You did the honorable thing both by apologizing and rectifying the situation; that is the best any of us can do in this type of situation.  

Well, what I mean by repent is……”change in response to a mistake.”
When I say “repent,” I mean it more in this dictionary definition of the term:

- to feel such sorrow for sin or fault as to be disposed to change one’s life for the better; be penitent.

Except I’d restate it as:

- to feel such sorrow for a mistake as to be disposed to change one’s life for the better.

As I interpret the word for myself, those changes for the better can be pretty small or pretty big, and may or may not be expressing what those changes will be in words to my peers or some higher authority, but those changes will always be expressed within my actions.
So my aim here, as my aim is most of the time, is constantly improve myself. Usually, that means I’m working to do the best work I can in any endeavor I engage in, and striving to always be thoughtful and kind to those I interact with. I want to be powerful, strong, and hard working, while at the same time companionate and humane. (Without apology, I admit I’m an idealist.) I don’t always succeed at achieving those goals of mine, but success is found in the effort spent to achieve those goals.

Ugh.That means I have to reread the book, Eshto.
Okay, let me beging THAT process too. Jeepers, Eshto, no “rest for the wicked,” eh?

Eep! Mistake!As in spelling…that should be “begin.”

It is a religious term……and I edited out the part of the diary that explained I was raised as an Evangelical for the first 9 years of my life, and spent the next 9 being raised as a Pentecostal. It’s why I think about apologies in terms of repentance instead of some other term.
But that said, my thoughts on repenting aren’t religious at this point, but more like the process improvement concept of Total Quality Management (TQM). If I find something I could do better in my personal life, and can figure out a way how to it better, then my goal is to better myself by implementing that way how to do it better.
It’s not only mistakes I try to fix by doing better in my personal life, but improving aspects of my life that I’m not doing as well as I could be doing at. But admitting mistakes and trying to fix the situations and my persectives (and/or perceptions) that created (and/or highlighted) those mistakes are definitely part of my personal self-improvement process.
Call it my TQM for the soul.

K, so can Sue come back on the Blendor Not?

Just heard…she is back. Thanks.

*that* was what was neededAnd will go further.
I know I’m an annoying cuss. Its not arrogance, its not pride, its not provocation.  I’m just that kind of gal.
I had to be pointed here, lol, by my boyfriend, no less.
The utterance is what counts first — it is the action (the change of one’s life in doing so) that is watched after, and in my case, I have no doubt you will continue to improve.
So, thank you.
In just the last few weeks, I have noticed a concerted effort to be truly inclusive on the part of PHB. I was looking for it, of course, and its been done with intent and extra effort, which counts.
Keep it going, Autumn.
I have faith in you.
Which is rare for me to say after having lost it.
But then, I rarely say such things without meaning exactly what I say.
Take care,
Toni D’orsay (aka Dyssonance)

TQM for the soulLike it.
I do think though that you’ve been a bit hard on yourself. But I guess that’s part of your personality. It doesn’t matter what standards others set, or even what you set for  others, it’s the much stricter ones you set for yourself that matter to you.
I takes one to know one, you see
Hugs, Zoe

Thanks for the clarificationI always hear “repent” and think “sin,” (thanks, Mom!) and I thought you might be being a little hard on yourself.

And that’s why……your blog A.E. Brain is such a good read. You hold yourself to a high standard, and you can very much see it in your written product.
Yeah, it’s not always 100% good thing to hold oneself to a fairly high standard, but I think better than than other extreme of not holding oneself to a high enough standard. Such is life.