Yesterday, in the final recorded jailhouse telephone call between Allen Ray Andrade and ex-girlfriend Felicia Mendoza that was played in court, I heard the sentence “Gay things must die.” It was said so quietly, and said in what could be interpreted as being a joking way, it had less impact than I expected it would. I believe what it showed; however, was that just like many under-informed Americans, Andrade and his ex-girlfriend really don’t separate trans and gay in the same way we do in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender community.

 $50K Selling Story JokeI posted a tweet yesterday though from the trial that did disturb me. It was where Andrade and Mendoza were joking back and forth, within days after Andrade’s arrest in late July, that Andrade was going to sell his story for $50,000, and that he was going to share hundreds a week with Mendoza. It too was said in a joking, laughing matter…

…That said to me that Angie Zapata didn’t matter…doesn’t matter. It spoke to me of callousness in a way that nothing else did yesterday.

Chilling. So if I were killed…if Pam were killed…if you were killed in a violent outburst that not only was against you as an individual, but also to send a terrorizing message to the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community, progressive community, or civil rights communities, what would the the publishing rights for our murder story(ies) be valued by the killer(s) to be in a dollar amount?

The value that my friends, family, and community peers would put on my life would outweigh — for me anyway — the value put on the story of my killing by my killer(s) — but still. This statement by Andrade to his ex-girlfriend so callously valued Angie. Angie’s life wasn’t worth that of a “school teacher” or “law-abiding straight citizen” in Andrade’s mind, but he saw her brutal death at his hands as being worth $50,000 to his wallet he could share with his girlfriend/ex-girlfriend.

That’s a pretty f***ed up thought.